N8ivWarrior

Deficit Follow-up

2011-12-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

Many of the ignorant feel that it isn't fair for the rich to pay more. OK. I call your "fair" and raise you one.

Looking at an article published November 23, I can see that it is totally fair for Billionaires to avoid reporting gains. It is much easier for a tax return to show a loss of $9.8 million instead of paying the $44.7 million they were supposed to pay. So for "fairness", let's just have everybody else pay the $54 million delta for the uber rich of this ONE person because it is "fair". They don't pay more. They don't even pay the same percentage I pay. On a percentage basis, with loopholes, write-offs, and "losses", they pay less.

Why do YOU think Warren Buffet suggested the tax be increased for the uber-rich? And for those people who say "just send in a check", you apparently have never done this so let me explain. The IRS will send you a check back saying you paid too much. Thus..he wants the government to change it.

I am not uber-rich. But when the uber-rich are agreeing with Warren Buffet, you have to think we have a problem.

The Deficit Discussion Part 3...Paying Government Employees

2011-11-11T19:56:00.000-08:00

I have personally worked closely with a signicant amount of Federal employees. Most of the employees have good intentions, but some (just like any job) are lacking in ability. It is just too hard to terminate government employees. For this reason I propose several things:

No employee of the Federal Government will be paid more than an equal position in the US Military. Seriously, members of the military are having to file bankruptcy because they are making a pittance in comparison to that civilian doing the exact same job in the desk next to them. Additionally, the military member can be told in a moments notice that they are leaving to a desert camp and the civilian is nearly impossible to terminate.
Any member of elected or assigned position in the federal government will make the same salary as the median average in the US ($29,730). The elected positions should NOT be about making money, and rubbing elbows with lobbyist and dignitaries. These people are supposed to be representing their constituents in the government and representing their views. So, if elected and assigned positions are supposed to represent the interest of the average American, then those same people should earn the salary of the average American.
Lobbyist should not be allowed to visit ANY government officials. By doing this, it forces the Lobbyist to actually convince the American people of their crazy schemes instead of a single politican on some commission to vote a certain way once they have had a contribution to the Jim Bob reelection fund.
Nobody in elected or assigned positions will be paid if the annual budget has a deficit. Simple, you aren't doing your job...so we aren't paying you.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Thank You. Being a Veteran, I know what is given in support of this wonderful country. I have the right to provide my opinion because of all of the people who have sacrificed time, sanity, and their lives and love ones for the principles and freedoms of the United States. So when people who do not have any idea as to the challenges involved with being in the military are making decisions about pay, way of life, and military movements, decide to give themselves a 5% pay increase while the soldier receives 1.5%, it really tweeks my nerve.

The Deficit Discussion Part 2...Shrink Government

2011-11-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

So one of the major challenges with Government includes services. But at what point do services need to be cleared out and turned off? Well, I started going through the list of Government Agencies.Some of the agencies actually make me wonder if they were serious in the creation. For example:

African Development Foundation - The United States African Development Foundation is an independent Federal agency established to support African-designed and African-driven solutions that address grassroots economic and social problems. USADF provides grants of up to $250,000 directly to under-served and marginalized community groups and enterprises. So far, $62 Million in grants have been handed out. FYI...The Administration for Native Americans office has handed out $41 Million.
Appalachian Regional Commission - The Appalachian Regional Commission (ARC) is a regional economic development agency that represents a partnership of federal, state, and local government. Established by an act of Congress in 1965, ARC is composed of the governors of the 13 Appalachian states and a federal co-chair, who is appointed by the president. Local participation is provided through multi-county local development districts.
Office of English Language - The office identifies major issues affecting the education of English language learners, assists and supports State and local systemic reform efforts that emphasize high academic standards, school accountability, professional development and parent involvement...Besides the fact America does not have an official language, and the schools pretty much have English covered, I think this is an excellent way to spend $579 Million.
Federal Consulting Group - The Federal Consulting Group is made up of career federal executives who have extensive experience in managing major programs and working with senior agency leaders in areas such as process improvement, strategic planning, creative approaches to problem solving, executive coaching, leadership development, and customer and employee satisfaction....uhhhh...huh?
Federal Mediation & Conciliation Service - The Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service, created in 1947, is an independent agency whose mission is to preserve and promote labor-management peace and cooperation. Headquartered in Washington, DC, with two regional offices and more than 70 field offices, the agency provides mediation and conflict resolution services to industry, government agencies and communities. We need this to make sure every acts like grown-ups.
Housing and Urban Development - The Office of Housing provides vital public services through its nationally administered programs. It oversees the Federal Housing Administration (FHA) the largest mortgage insurer in the world, as well as regulates housing industry business. Didn't they help us get into his mess?
Institute on Peace - USIP is the independent, nonpartisan conflict management center created by Congress to prevent and mitigate international conflict without resorting to violence. USIP works to save lives, increase the government's ability to deal with conflicts before they escalate, reduce government costs, and enhance our national security....Basically, play nicer people.

There are more that I will not even go into...but you get the idea. We do not need a good chunk of these agencies especially under the control of the Federal Government. The US cannot take care of the US, so stop trying to take care of the world.

This brings me to my point as I almost always have one...kill the grants. Just make Grants.gov disappear. We (taxpayers) give away $500 Billion in grants annually. Some people feel this is a way to infuse the economy with stimulous funds in certain areas. I think it is just another way for people to receive money and provide little.

The Deficit Discussion Part 1...Flat Tax

2011-11-10T19:37:00.000-08:00

Normally, politics is on my avoid list. So today's post will avoid it. However, the deficit itself is a totally non-party issue. With the Occupy groups and the Tea Partiers all yelling their own thoughts about everything from Wall Street to the Gold standard, I feel it is finally time to give my uninformed opinion. Hey, they all have uninformed opinions, so why shouldn't I?

Opinion number one. Flat Tax. A while back a man named Steve Forbes pushed for a flat tax instead of the weird, biased tax code we currently have. Yes, this would put a few dozen accountants out of work, but for the good of everyone involved, let's flatten it out. Herman Cain feels 9-9-9 is the solution...well, that is just stupid. 9% Income, 9% Corporate, and 9% Federal Sales Tax is all well and good when it comes to middle and upper class, but the poor would be paying 18% plus Social Security, Medicare, and State Income and Sales Tax. For a group of people that can barely pay rent and utilities, that adds up fast. Even the middle class would take monsterous hits when they wanted to buy that $200,000 home and had to pay an additional $18,000 in Federal Sales Tax. There is only one advantage I see to a Federal Sales Tax...people would start saving their money again. At least the people who can afford it will.

Rick Perry on the other hand is looking at a 20/20 flat tax. 20% Personal Income and 20% Corporate. Here we go again...Small business would take a hit first, then the low income people would still take a hit. Business itself would have an elevated cost across the board at 20%. They will have it at 9% as well, but not like 20%. With the way our economy is structured with manufacturing selling to distribution selling to wholesale selling to small business retail, that 20% can add up quickly. Of course the Internet is mitigating some of that by having some manufactures selling directly and reaping the rewards, but again...small business will not be able to compete with that and will either shut down or suffer.

So is flat tax the answer. Not really. This is why the flat tax has never been implemented to begin with. However, a tiered (or elevated) flat tax may end up working...and keep those accountants in business. Let's drop the write-offs. Let's drop capital gains, let's drop the deductions (why reward Octomom?), let's not seperate medicare, and Social Security, and let's start using a tiered flat tax. It works like this...

If you make less than $15,000 per calendar year, you pay nothing. Anyone who makes so little to try to survive from shouldn't have to deal with taxes. (64.296 Million People of the US) $0 Federal Revenue.
For people who make between $15,000.01 and $25,000, your tax will be a flat tax of 5%.(37.251 Million People of the US) $36.4 Billion Federal Revenue
For people who make between $25,000.01 and $35,000, your flat tax is 8%. (27.788 Million People of the US) $65.5 Billion Federal Revenue
For people between $35,000.01 and $50,000, your flat tax is 11%. (29.801 Million People of the US) $136.2 Billion Federal Revenue
For people between $50,000.01 and $75,000, your flat tax is 14%.(27.191 Million People of the US) $227.9 Billion Federal Revenue
For people between $75,000.01 and $100,000, your flat tax is 17%.(11.193 Million People of the US) $161.3 Billion Federal Revenue
For people between $100,000.01 and $250,000, your flat tax is 20%. (10.8 Million People of the US) $324 Billion Federal Revenue (based on average income of $150,000)
For people making over $250,000.01, your flat tax is 23%.(3.1 Million People of the US) $249 Billion Federal Revenue (based on average income of $350,000)

Source: http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/cpstables/032011/perinc/new01_000.htm

So how much is this in revenue for the government? Over $1.2 Trillion. The budgeted federal revenue from income taxes is expected to be $1.145 Trillion.

Source:http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/omb/budget/fy2012/assets/tables.pdf

Corporate Taxes? a solid 5% across the board should do it.

No Federal Sales Tax.

Lastly, Social Security and Medicare. Stop the cutoff. If you make more than $110,100 in a single year, you have paid the limit of your Social Security. But why? Just keep paying the percentage. The Federal Government budget is $761 Billion paid into Social Security for 2012. So that 13 Million people that stop paying into the Social Security System, would continue paying into the system. I am thinking that may just save the system as a whole.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). The flat tax is an idea that has been brought up multiple times and has fallen flat. The poverty line is just too high to pull something like that off. But having big jumps in tax rate to income doesn't really make sense either. So think about how this will affect the 46.2 Million people in poverty that are still citizens in the US.

Paper, Telephones and the Digital World

2011-07-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

My supervisor will be challenging our group shortly to work an entire week strictly using the B2E tools. The good news is that since we are the group responsible for the tools, we should be using them. The bad news is that not everyone we will have contact with will be using the tools.

The other day I went into a meeting and was greeted with paper. Just an FYI, paper does not fall in the B2E tools category. In fact, any more, I am not sure why anyone would need to print anything for a meeting since we 1) have projectors, and 2) have Live Meeting which we can share our screens to anyone. This is like when word processing moved from the typewriter to the computer and some of the administrative assistants would still type and white-out the documents. Can you even buy white-out any more?

I digress...as the technology continues to evolve, there are still people that stay with paper and using the telephone. Even though Office Communicator has not only the ability to make voice calls, but video calls, people will still pick up the desk telephone and call the other person to leave a voice mail message. Do I think the telephone is a complete waste? No. It has it's place for incoming and outgoing non-company calls. But as for internal calls, I feel it should just sit on the cradle.

Now to contradict myself...I use the phone for internal calls. It is just sometimes easier to pick up the phone to ask a question and get an immediate answer. I won't try to have a long conference call, providing people with sweating ears, but for a quick conversation, why not? And with the telephone not ringing nearly as much as the past, it has become a bit of a differentiator. Compare this to snail mail vs. email. In the past email was a novelty, now it is a part of everyday life and spam has people skimming their mailbox instead of reading the email. Yes, it is much cheaper than snail mail, but think about it. When you get a real letter in the snail mail now, do you automatically want to read it...whereas in the past you would skim the mail and move on?

Technology changes perception. In these cases, it is good to use the perception to your advantage.

Ameren's Big Plan in Clinton

2011-06-21T03:46:00.000-07:00

OK Folks, this is a long one…but very necessary.

As I continue to observe the differences in small town Clinton life, and the life of my past 26 years of city living, the phrase that is most often presented to me, “Welcome home” has taken on a life of its own. Much like the Scarlet Letter, “welcome home” is gradually meaning “we tend to do dumb thing because nobody seems to care”. Well, this is my home town and I care. Yes, it is true that for the past 26 years I haven’t really cared a whole lot, but now that I am back and want to help Clinton become my home again, I just can’t go on with a blind eye to what I think doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense.

For all of my readers who don’t know about my home town, Clinton, Illinois is a small town of around 7,500 people in central Illinois. It is known for a Lincoln speech about fooling some of the people some of the time, a large lake created by the nuclear power plant, and a town square that has eroded greatly thanks to several influences (that is another blog entry entirely).

So, being a concerned citizen, I have been attending the City Council meetings. Some people feel I am bored and have nothing better to do… although that may be true, knowing what decisions these elected officials are making on my behalf is really my motivation. So, here was a major topic presented during the last meeting: The excavation, transportation, and disposal of “contaminated” soil from the old Illinois Power Building location.

The old Illinois Power Building location at the 200 block of N. Monroe St. has contaminated soil beneath it from an old gas generation facility. It has been lying undisturbed for the past 60 years beneath the building and parking lot. Ameren, and I guess the Illinois EPA, have decided it would be best to remove this soil now that the building has been torn down and transport it through town to the Clinton landfill.

So here is their presentation. After telling the history of the site and spewing out scientific information many people in the room could not understand, they went into the plan for removal. They will erect a large tent covering the entire dig site and create a vacuum inside the tent (with a hopeful negative pressure of .2-.3 for all of you science minded people like me). The tent will have two large garage doors for the trucks to come into the tent and exit the tent. They will load the truck using a backhoe inside the tent, cover the truck with a tarp and transport the contents to Clinton landfill which will house the contaminated soil in the hazardous waste section.

Nan Crang spoke up and asked what route they planned to take through town with the truck to which Ameren responded with a route through residential areas. Nan suggested they use a different route although after finding out that this project which will run trucks about 4 times per hour through town over 6 months thought maybe that this wasn’t such a great idea because the route drives right past a school and it will be back in session. Hey, at least she was thinking of minimizing the risk. This is much better than others who sat there without doing any homework before the meeting. Jerry Milton also spoke up about making sure that the soil was damp and the Ameren response was the tarp will cover it.

So was has my fur up about this whole thing? I have done environmental work before. I know the proper procedure for environmental waste and these people are taking multiple unnecessary risks.

Let’s start with the tent. I realize that Ameren has “done this 15 times before in Illinois” and that is their canned answer, but this is my town dammit. The negative pressure they tout in the presentation to prevent the release of contaminants is totally lost when they open the 2 doors to let a truck in or out of the tent. The tent will be opened 8 times an hour…so how will they gain negative pressure. Think of it like this. If you were on the space shuttle and you wanted to make sure as much air stayed inside the shuttle as possible, would you open a garage door 8 times an hour? Nope. In previous removals I have been associated with, a dumpster would be loaded with sealed bags of contaminates with a bag cleaning process before going to the dumpster outside the contamination area. This means that the contaminants have to be passed through a three zones chamber (dirty, wash, clean) before leaving the tent. Also, the pressure inside the tent would never drop because there would never be a giant truck driven into the tent.

Issue number two: the trucks. Jerry Milton had the right intention but the wrong information. Ameren will only wash the trucks if they show considerable mud or waste. All waste will be captured with the tarp in the truck. Here is my question to the general public, how often have you gone into a dusty area and were able to drive out without having dust on your car? This is what Ameren is not concerned about. How many times have you been driving behind a truck with a tarp on it and has dust blow back or a chunk of dirt fall from the truck in front of you? There is no decontamination process for the trucks. They are free to blow dust all along the exit route of the town and to the dump…which now goes past Lincoln Elementary School and along the houses on Grant street.

Issue number three: the contaminants. What are we talking about here? Why is it this soil has to be sent to the hazardous waste site in the Clinton landfill? Because it contains a few deadly materials. In my past I was responsible for the containment and removal of lead, asbestos, and PCBs. Although the materials I dealt with were deadly in a slow painful way, these are not nearly as bad as Benzine and Cyanide.

Wikipedia (the ultimate source of knowledge) states:Benzine should not be confused with benzene or benzyne, nor should it be confused with gasoline although many languages call that with a name derived from benzine. Benzine is a mixture of alkanes, e.g., pentane, hexane, and heptane, whereas benzene is a cyclic, aromatic hydrocarbon, C6H6. Likewise, petroleum ether should not be confused with the class of organic compounds called ethers, which contain the R-O-R functional group.
During the Second World War some extermination camps experimented by killing people with benzine injections.

Cyanide on the other hand is very well known as a toxin. Wikipedia states:Many cyanides are highly toxic. The cyanide anion is an inhibitor of the enzyme cytochrome c oxidase (also known as aa3) in the fourth complex of the electron transport chain (found in the membrane of the mitochondria of eukaryotic cells). It attaches to the iron within this protein. The binding of cyanide to this cytochrome prevents transport of electrons from cytochrome c oxidase to oxygen. As a result, the electron transport chain is disrupted, meaning that the cell can no longer aerobically produce ATP for energy. Tissues that depend highly on aerobic respiration, such as the central nervous system and the heart, are particularly affected.

The most hazardous compound is hydrogen cyanide, which, because it is a gas at ambient temperatures and pressure, can be inhaled. A respirator must be worn when working with hydrogen cyanide. Hydrogen cyanide is produced when a solution containing a labile cyanide is acidified because HCN is a weak acid; alkaline solutions are safer to use because they do not evolve hydrogen cyanide. Hydrogen cyanide may be produced in the combustion of polyurethanes; for this reason, polyurethanes are not recommended for use in domestic and aircraft furniture. Oral ingestion of a small quantity — typically 200 mg — of solid cyanide or cyanide solution, and airborne exposure of 270 ppm may lead rapidly (within minutes) to death.

Issue number four: disposal. We are taking all of this open soil to the Clinton landfill to dispose of it directly over the Clinton water table. Right… so the hazardous waste section of the Clinton landfill is directly over the water table. The EPA says it is contained and will not cause damage. But when the truck go to dump their load, this creates enough dust that no matter how well it is contained, there will be residual everywhere…remember, they aren’t bagging the soil. They are moving it like any other soil. This is the EPA. The same EPA that stated DDT should be used across the country. The same EPA that until 1970 felt that asbestos was a safe product for everyone.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why are we moving it? This soil has been undisturbed for the past 60 years and now Ameren feels they have to spend millions of dollars to dig it up, risk the lives of Clinton adults, children, and pets to transport it and deliver it above the aquifer of the Clinton water supply. This soil has been securely stored under a concrete foundation and parking lot. Why aren’t we just placing a new concrete parking lot on top of it? They are planning to make it a gravel parking lot after all is said and done anyhow. What is the risk compared to transporting it past an elementary school or contaminating the water supply? We all know that the $3.3 million for this project will be passed on to … me. My electric and gas bill. Clintonians electric and gas bills.

This is a community of the elderly and the young. Open your eyes and let your voice be heard.

Update: I saw Jerry Milton in McDonalds this morning and discussed this with him. He too had lots of questions regarding this effort and will be questioning the entire process and the motivation behind it. My impression is that he feels this is not an acceptable risk. Good to know and thanks for listening Jerry.

Elderly in America

2011-05-01T04:09:00.000-07:00

After 26 years of living away from my hometown of Clinton, Illinois, I am finally moving back. As with most changes in my life, dreams of how my future may be in my new life path wake me from my slumber. This dream was about my life and retirement in Clinton. My Mom retired in Clinton and part of the reason for reflection is my part in her life. For reference purposes, my Mom adopted me when she had just turned 40. When she remarried in 1985, her new husband was 69 years old.

I am now 44 years old and I think this may be the last time I move...to a different town. I have lived in 10 states in my lifetime and about 25 locations in those states. In my life, Clinton has taken about 11 years of that. I can easily see myself retiring in Clinton. There are some motivation factors in the past that have prevented me from making the move to Clinton which include money, money, money...oh, and money. According to the Census bureau, Clinton's median income is roughly $40,000. Also, my particular job skills are not in demand in Clinton which is the other reason I have never made the move.

State Farm insurance is based in Bloomington and my only chance of finding a job to support me enough to move back to my hometown would have to be there...well, kinda. As technology and job requirements have changed, I also came to the conclusion that there are a lot of "work from home" scenarios for my career path as well...so I have a backup plan. After talking with a few people that already work at State Farm, I found out it is pretty much a work there until retirement place...not like the "only coal mine" in town, but like the "it is a good place to work" scenario.

So, back to my topic. I do not feel guilty about putting my Mom in a nursing home as much as I find it interesting that it is culturally "OK" to put family in a nursing home. I actually talked to my Mom about the options and her view on this is that she did not want to put any strain on her children for the breakdown of her body that would cause her to be in a nursing home. This is just one of the key differences in how the U.S. handles the elderly.

In many other culture including most Native American cultures, the elderly are revered and are consulted in tribal decision making. They are the people from which history and the lessons learned from history come from. All over the world, this belief system and adoption has benefited not only the younger generations, but the older generations. Families (including the Waltons, and $%*# my Dad Says) would take in their elderly and take care of them instead of tossing them into a room where "they can live with there own kind in a managed environment".

As the baby boomers come to the age of retirement, I have to wonder how America will handle the critical mass of parents moving into nursing homes. Economically, this is a huge burden on the health care system that is less than able to handle the health care of the existing elderly. Many of these leftover hippies that rejected the teaching of elders for their own alternative did not plan out their retirement and expect the government to provide a social security check and Medicare and Medicaid.

From a humanity perpective though, which is better? Is it better to place your elderly on a long boat and send them out to sea to their die with their deity? Or is it better to bring in the elderly and cause a financial and emotional strain on the family unit to gain knowledge and insight into life, history, and humanity? These are the decisions that Americans face and often...they will choose the easy way out. I admit that I did. Instead of forcing my Mom to come with us to Virginia, I let her live...and die in the nursing home. Just before her death I had applied and had taken a job in Chicago to be closer, but it was too little too late.

Is the mindset just different in America? How is it that immigrants can come from other countries, become American and within a generation have the same belief that the elderly should be stored in longhouses? Is it due to the parent? My Mom told me she didn't want to be a burden, but I always felt she was the exception and not the rule. I intuitively felt that what she said and what she really wanted were two completely different things.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Make your intentions clear. To my children...Place me in a nursing home. I like playing card games...and by then, they will have computers in all of the rooms. Maybe I can program a little while I eat my jello.

My Queen's Letter to her Mom

2011-04-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

So, until we actually were assured I had the new job, I kept this in draft on my blog. This one email made me so proud to be married to my wife.

Dear Mom,
Okay. I know we need to talk face to face but I want to write everything I am thinking about down.

Here is how this decision came to be: When John and I first went to Clinton to visit him mom in 1998, I fell a little bit in love with the town, the people and his connections there. I have always had this Utopian fantasy of small town living with a strong community base that looks out for one another, beautiful buildings, lots of community activities. A place where people look out for each other. Like the beach, but with people who are really there for each other. Clinton is all of this. Its charming and has many times, though the residents done necessarily like the comparison, been called “The Mayberry of the Midwest”. Yes, everyone knows everyone else and that comes with its own drawbacks, but you are never overlooked or forgotten. Even now when we visit, I can walk into any place or talk to anyone and mention I am Becky Doyle’s (john’s mom) Daughter in Law and its instant social credit. People know who I am, who I am married to and even sometimes, things about me.

Midwesterners are a different breed of people in only good ways. They are honest, forward and simple in a lot of ways. They work hard, educate themselves, band together and are usually pretty religiously active which, for me, it’s a plus. They are not real touchy freely at first and they do take time to warm up, but its not like in Grayson where you are always an outsider even if you live there your whole life. They are tolerant and comfortable people. Connections are important and they like to make them with other people.

Clinton is the place I want to raise Avery. We missed our chance with the older girls and it’s a big regret of mine. When we moved to Plainfield, I thought I would have that kind of community, but it was too new of a town. I still love Illinois, even with the cold winters, because of the feel of the place. Its something you just have to live to understand fully, but it’s a salt of the earth goodness that we don’t see here often. People are so concerned with their own bubble-lives they don’t pay attention to others. They put their elderly in nursing homes, their kids with nannies, their spouses at work and its every man for themselves. You see it most clearly in traffic here and I know you understand what I mean there.

This is NOT John’s choice or his influence. Honestly its Clinton’s. Every time we go back, it gets harder to leave. When we were there in September, and visited Jan, Avery played outside for the first time without supervision. And she loved it, She was singing and dancing and exploring. She got filthy and she LOVED it. She still talks about it. MY stress level was so low, I felt happy the whole time I was there. I knew. KNEW she was okay. Its not that there cant be danger there, there is anywhere, but when you have a whole town who lives and breathes their community and they look after each other, you know someone will always be there to keep an eye out for her. Even with our older girls, once we got to Clinton, we turned them loose and told them to come back when the street lights were on. You could literally see their souls expand and they walked in sunshine. The way Opie did on The Andy Griffith show. I want that for Avery. I want her to have a happy, healthy childhood with a mom who can relax enough to enjoy it too.

I know there is a HUGE risk for you in joining us. I totally understand the trepidation that you might feel placing your career, finances and emotional well being in my hands (at least for a while). I know how hard you have worked to get where you are with the post office. You deserve so much more than they give you. You have a great heart and when I saw you with Aunt Tee Dee it reminded me how good you are with older people. I want for you the same as I want for me and my family. I want you to be happy and stress free. I hate that you break yourself physically and mentally every day at a job you don’t like anymore. I want Avery to have her grandma there the way I did. BUT I DO UNDERSTAND why this is hard decision.

I know that if you leave the post office, you will lose your benefits. Health insurance, pension, etc.

I know that leaving the beach would be really hard emotionally

I know that you have never lived off the east coast and you have no idea what to expect.

I know you hate cold weather.

I know you don’t want to be dependent on us for money

I know its scary to take off for places unknown even as a young person but probably more so for someone a little older and set in their ways.

I cant make promises. I cant swear that something awful wont happen that would screw up our plans. Like John getting hurt or dying, or someone getting really sick, or that you wont like it there. But I know you aren’t really happy here. I know that something could happen to any of us here, I know that even in the face of the worst possible situation, its always better to have family close to support you.

I don’t have an answer yet for the benefits thing. I do know that we may be paying for our own health insurance anyway and we can look into a policy for you as well. Living without health care is NOT an option for any of us. We are just looking into a options, johns prospective employer has offered it.

Leaving the beach, at some point, is the plan right now. To sell the house, divy up the estate and move on. I don’t want to force your hand. I don’t want to pressure you before you are ready. BUT I know how much its stressing you emotionally and financially and maybe this is just the gift God is sending to all of us to help us along. I will miss it too, but I know that I have the same feeling of being HOME when I am in Clinton. Same older homes, same older people, same trees, same kids on bikes, same gardens and sun and I know Grandma is with me wherever I go.

The winter in the Midwest is cold. I agree. However, the winter HERE is cold too and I think its worse because its wetter and humid and it chills to the bone. The changes in temperature make it harder when it warms up and then drops again. Though its damn cold there in the winter, there is no change til its ready to warm again. And then, its spring. And summer. And they are GLORIOUS there. Not too hot. No humidity. And always a nice breeze. There is not the lake effect winds that farm inland that Plainfield had. Still cold. Lots of snow. But they are prepared for it and its not the freak out it is here. Besides, it’s the same season as here.

AS for money, I don’t know how to make you feel comfortable about it. We can sit down and look at a budget together. We can plan how it will be disbursed, either directly to you or we pay the bills for you and give you cash to live on. I don’t know what you would prefer. I am not saying we are going to live high on the hog, but we can live comfortably there. Its cheaper.

I think you would be happy in a house of your own with the doggies and since the town is so small, you can have Avery over at night whenever you want. Or you can stay at our house when you want. I don’t have a problem living in the same house, BUT our combined animals probably would. I don’t see the cat and dogs getting along even if my allergies aren’t a factor. BUT I can stay with you till you are comfortable if you like. The town is a little bit bigger than Colonial Beach. They have a walmart, mcdonalds, hardees, several restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores (though they are really small), lots of small businesses, a gorgeous lake, Weldon springs (smaller lake), brand new middle and high school, building a new elementary, a brand new nursing home, assisted living apartments, a Friendship Center (for the older residents) a YMCA, an awesome park with a splash pad. And that’s just in Clinton. Bloomington is 25 mins away. Springfield is an hour. There are several small towns outlying Clinton. Its 2.5 hours from Chicago.

Mom, I feel like you have lived your life without being truly happy most of the time. I know you have worked hard. I know you deserve happiness. I think you have a good shot at finding it with us in Clinton. There is a community college in town that you could take classes at and find something that makes you happy. I just want happiness for you. I don’t want to take Avery away from you or you away from here. It makes me so sad to think of it. Which is one of the reason I want you to come. Its selfish but I love you and you are really the only family I have that I am close to.

Even if John could find something here that makes him happy, I hate living in northern VA. I hate not having a community I belong to. One where Ave can grown up with the same people. Not worry about everyone moving away. Be a happy carefree kid.

I don’t want you to feel pressured. I want you to do what you feel is best for you. If there are problems I haven’t thought of, I am happy to think and talk about them with you. Like I said, I cant promise you’ll be happy there but I feel like you aren’t happy here either. I know its not all going to be easy, but I know we can do this. Together. I just have so many thoughts of all of us together there. My heart hopes you come but I understand if you don’t.

I love you so much mom.

Andi

System Center Service Manager or SharePoint

2011-01-30T17:54:00.000-08:00

Lately my focus has been pulled from SharePoint to System Center and specifically System Center Service Manager (SCSM). My biggest challenge is that I am deeply entrenched in the SharePoint community and continue to give my all for the SharePoint user group (SUGDC), SharePoint Saturday, and the community as a whole.

However, I have been working in System Center and SharePoint integration. As good as Systrem Center is, it really needs a community to come around it and guide the product line in the right direction. The documentation available is far less than SharePoint.

So, this is the crossroads. Do I move down the path to help System Center progress in the business line or do I continue with helping SharePoint community at large?

Year 2011, the Year for Random Acts of Kindness.

2011-01-05T13:30:00.000-08:00

This year my wife and I were talking about the new year, resolutions, and what would happen if we won the MegaMillions that we didn't win. After winning we decided to pay off certain relatives, make sure the kids were set for life (but not rich), and we would create a random acts of kindness group.

Well, after finding out we didn't win, we figured it made sense to do it anyhow. So here is my resolution. I will perform a random act of kindness whenever I get the opportunity. What kinds of random acts can people do? When in the grocery store and you see someone digging through their change to buy food or diapers, just hand them $20 to help...or step in front of them in the grocery checkout and just pay it. That little bit of help will make a huge impact on their life. It takes so little to make a huge difference.

How about another one...if you have one or more co-workers barely making it through to payday, have them bring in one dish as a potluck and you bring in the main course. It makes them feel like they are not sponging, but they will get one of the better meals they may have in a while...then let them take home the leftovers. So make plenty.Cost for that entree'? $20 and immense help for the family you gave it to.

Other ideas include: pay an electric bill for someone on limited income. Sit at Walgreens and wait for the old person and pay their co-pay. I know this sounds like a handout, but it really isn't. If just 5% of the people who can do this, did this, think of how many people you could help. It really makes me sick when I see whows like Housewives of middle Kentucky on TV wasting money as fast as possible on clothes and Botox when there are people freezing to death because the power companies shut them off for not having the funds to pay the bill. That is not living... and I realize that that may sounding like a bleeding heart liberal but in fact I am proposing the opposite. Take this out of the hands of the government and look to the people for the "invisible hand" of finance. The reason why the government does it is because the people needing help are not getting it.

So, from time to time you may see on this blog a random act of kindness that made it in the press...however insignificant it may appear to be.

This is the first one. Thank you to Eric Harlan @ericharlan for the queue.

http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2011/01/05/cavaliers-offer-homeless-radio-man-job-home/?test=latestnews

Dreams, Journeys, Religion, and the New Year

2011-01-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

As a habit, I tend not to talk about sex, politics or religion. In this entry, I discuss two of the taboos involved so if you are a judgemental person, this is not the entry for you...I repeat, this blog is for me to get things out of my head...so if I offend you, that is not my intention.

Last night I had a dream...which is rare for me. True, that technically I always have dreams but it is rare that I remember them in the morning. The dream involved my first wife and the "weird" relationship we had. My wife and I met in the Air Force when she arrive on base as my subordinate and I was assigned to provide orientation. Loring AFB, ME had a male to female ratio of about 11:1. For a hormone flowing 19 year old 4 hours North of the nearest "major" city (Bangor), this was pure torture. So when a female arrives on base, the swarm of men immediately descend.

Teresa Lynn Somers (real name) was a short red headed spitfire with high intelligence and eyes that were bad enough to think I looked good. In an effort to eliminate the competition and ensure my hormones stayed in balance, we moved off based and married 3 weeks after her initial arrival. Additionally, at that time, the military gave military married to military extra allowance for quarters (housing) and sustenance (food).

Teri and I had to tell our current long distance relationships that is was over and I called my girlfriend of over a year and she called her girlfriend of over a year. Yes...that is the "weird" relationship part. We had fun, hardships, challenges, near slugouts, and victories, but when it was all said and done, we had each other.

That was until she came down with cancer of the Uterus. Everything changed and in retrospect, I think that my choices may have been a catalyst to the end of her life. Teri fought the cancer. After starving because she couldn't keep food down, she went to the doctor and found out she had to have a full hysterectomy. In the process, she lost her job at the same company I was working and I had to find a much better paying job off of the Eastern Shore to support her inability to work and the 3 children. So I found a job in Washington DC and commuted back and forth every weekend. It was not the easiest way to make a living but the two of us had been in worse situations before.

Her surgery was successful and from what the tests all said, they had removed it all. About 2 months later, Teri informed me that she could not be intimate with me any longer and that I should start dating again. This threw me for a loop...on one hand I was terrified about the idea of having to date. The whole process seemed painful. In retrospect, I think this was the decision point, that changed our lives. I could have stayed in the relationship and just continued to have Teri bring partners to the bedroom to curb the need for intimacy, but instead, I took her advice and learned to date again (http://www.n8iv.net/2006/01/meeting-of-two-minds.html).

Teri moved on and had relationships with women as well. She had her ups and down and I could see the depression kicking in. She informed me months later that she was involved with someone and that she was seeing a counselor for her depression.

On May 26, 1999, Teresa Lynn Somers commited suicide using a plastic bag over her head.

In her back pocket was a paper from her "counselor" that read:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

1 Corinthians 6:11 - "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

Leviticus 18:22 - "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable."

Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

Romans 1:26-27 - "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."

Religion...at what point is it a good thing to end a person's life for religion? There are wars all over the world that have been and continue to be over religion. Is this really the journey we were sent down here for? Secondly, how helpful was the counseling when it contributed to ending that persons life? Is that successful? aren't counselors suppose to prevent suicide?

This same counselor showed up at Teri's funeral. Fifty million things ran through my head about what I wanted to tell her after she said "I was Teresa's couselor. I am sorry for your loss." Instead, I thanked her and moved on to the next person. I really wanted to tell her what I felt, but instead I thought about the children and rised above it. My thoughts were not going to change her steadfast beliefs and I wasn't ready to completely deal with my emotions.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Don't have regrets. I don't have a single regret about any of my decisions in life. First of all, it wouldn't do me any good to regret a decision. Life is about the journey, and not about the end. If that were the case we would all be striving toward death. That seems rather counterproductive doesn't it? Don't forget to live life. Nothing is set in stone...well, except for the pyramids and that lion/human sphinx...and those Aztec pyramids...and maybe the earth's crust, but other than that.

Lastly, Happy New Year! May your journey be fun!

SharePoint 2010 and System Center Service Manager (SCSM) 2010

2010-11-24T12:09:00.000-08:00

I ran into a challenge recently on making the SCSM web parts work with SharePoint 2010. This document describes how to make it work. A good chunk of this comes from the Deployment Document, but because it does not specifically address SharePoint 2010, the process has been adjusted.
After you have SharePoint 2010 installed, you will need to install the SCSM web portal.

Important : The account you use to run Self-Service Portal Setup must be a member of the Service Manager Administrator user role.

You have to install the Self-Service Portal on the computer hosting SharePoint 2010:

1. You need to install the hotfix from KB975332 first!

2. On the System Center Service Manager 2010 installation media, double-click the Setup.exe file.

3. On the Microsoft System Center Service Manager 2010 page, click Install the Service Manager Web portals.

4. On the Product registration page, type information in the boxes. In the Product key boxes, type the product key you received with Service Manager, or alternatively, select Install as an evaluation edition (180 day trial)?. Read the Microsoft Software License Terms, and, if applicable, click I have read, understood, and agree with the terms of the license agreement, and then click Next.

5. On the Installation location page, verify that sufficient free disk space is available, and then click Next. If necessary, click Browse to change the installation location of the Service Manager management server.

Note: It is recommended that you install the Self-Service Portal in the default location. Installing the Self-Service Portal in another location requires you to change configuration settings in Internet Information Services (IIS).

6. On the System check results page, make sure that the prerequisite check passed or at least passed with warnings, and then click Next.

7. On the Configure the Service Manager self-service portal name and port page, follow these steps:

a. In the Web site name box, accept the default name, or type a new name.

b. In the Port box, type 443.

c. In the SSL certificate list, select the Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) certificate you want to use with the Self-Service Portal, and then click Next.

Note: SSL is a requirement of the Self-Service Portal.

8. On the Select the Service Manager database page, follow these steps:

a. In the Database server box, type the name of the computer that hosts the existing Service Manager database.

b. In the SQL Server instance list, select the instance name for the Service Manager database.

c. In the Database list, select the database that hosts the Service Manager database. (ServiceManager is the default database name.)

d. Click Next.

9. On the Configure account for the Service Manager self-service portal page, click Domain account.

10. Specify the user name, password, and domain for the Service Manager services account that you specified during installation of Service Manager. For example, enter the account information for the SM_Acct domain user.

11. Click Test Credentials. After you verify that you receive a The credentials were accepted message, click Next.

12. On the Help improve System Center Service Manager page, indicate your preference for participation in the Customer Experience Improvement Program and in Error Reporting. Optionally, click Tell me more about the program, and then click Next.

13. On the Use Microsoft Update to help keep your computer secure and up-to-date page, indicate your preference for using Microsoft Update to check for Service Manager updates, and then click Next.

14. On the Installation summary page, click Install.

15. On the Setup completed successfully page, click Close.

16. On the Setup completed successfully page, it is recommended that you leave Open the Encryption Backup or Restore Wizard selected, and then click Close.

You have to convert the Windows SharePoint Services 3.0 wsp file to SharePoint 2010:

1. Download the file ServiceManager.EnduserWebparts.wsp (http://blogs.technet.com/cfs-file.ashx/__key/CommunityServer-Components-PostAttachments/00-03-32-83-96/ServiceManager.EnduserWebparts.wsp) to your developer computer.

2. On the Windows desktop, click Start, point to Programs, move over Visual Studio 2010, Open Visual Studio 2010 (you can download the trial if you don't currently have it).

3. On the left panel click New Project.

4. Under Installed Templates expand SharePoint and click 2010.

5. In the middle pane, select Import SharePoint Solution Package make the name ServiceManager.EnduserWebparts and use the default location. Click OK.

6. Choose your local site to debug and choose between sandboxed and farm solution. Click Next.

7. Browse to where you saved the wsp download in step 1. Click Next.
8. Make sure all items import and click Finish.
9. After the project imports, From the menu select Build, then Package. Assuming you use the default settings, your package should be located at c:\users\%username%\documents\visual studio 2010\Projects\ServiceManager.EnduserWebparts\ServiceManager.EnduserWebparts\bin\Release\ServiceManager.EnduserWebpart.wsp

10. Copy the wsp file to the SharePoint server.

You have to add the solution Package to the SharePoint Site Collection:

1. Save your converted web part to the c:\wsp folder on your SharePoint server. If the folder doesn't exist, create it...it will reduce your typing.

2. Open a command prompt and change directories to c:\Program Files\Common Files\Microsoft Shared\Web Server Extensions\14\bin.

3. Type the command stsadm -o addsolution –filename c:\wsp\ServiceManager.EnduserWebparts.wsp.

4. When Operation completed successfully is displayed, type exit to close the command window.

5. On the Windows desktop, click Start, point to Programs, point to Microsoft SharePoint 2010 Products, and then click SharePoint 2010 Central Administration.

6. In the Central Administration pane, click System Settings.

7. In the Systems Settings pane, in the Farm Management area, click Manage Farm Solutions.

8. Observe that servicemanager.enduserwebparts.wsp is listed. Click servicemanager.enduserwebparts.wsp.

9. In the Solution Properties pane, click Deploy Solution and then click OK. This will deploy the solution globally.

Edit the Web.Config file
1. Using an XML editor, open the file \inetpub\wwwroot\wss\VirtualDirectories\\web.config where is the port number used by SharePoint 2010. You will need admin acces to perform the next step so open as administrator.

Note: Make sure that you are editing the web.config file of the correct site where you are planning to deploy Self-Service Portal.

2. Locate the following line and delete it. There is only one occurrence of this line. When deleted, close your editor and save the web.config file.

Configure IIS
These procedures are performed in the Internet Information Services Manager.

To set application pool identity

1. On the Windows desktop, click Start, point to Programs, point to Administrative Tools, and then click Internet Information Services (IIS) Manager.

2. In the Connection pane, expand the computer name, expand Sites, and then click the site for your SharePoint installation.

3. In the Actions pane, click Advanced Settings.

4. In the Advanced Settings dialog box, in the General area, note the setting for Application Pool, and then click Cancel.

5. In the Connections pane, expand the computer name, and then click Application Pools.

6. In the Application Pools pane, click the application pool you identified in step 4.

7. In the Actions pane, click Advanced Settings.

8. In the Advanced Settings dialog box, in the Process Model area, click Identity, and then click the ellipsis button (…).

9. In the Application Pool Identity dialog box, click Custom account, and then click Set.

10. In the Set Credentials dialog box, type the username and password for the credentials you provided for the Service Manager Services account, and then click OK three times.

To set Windows Authentication and Session State profile

1. In the Connections pane, expand the computer name, expand Sites, and then click the site for your SharePoint installation.

2. In the center pane, under IIS, double-click Authentication.

3. In the Authentication page, make sure that Windows Authentication is set to Enabled and that all other settings are set to Disabled.

4. In the Connections pane, click the site for your SharePoint installation.

5. In the center pane, in the ASP.NET area, double-click Session State.

6. In the Cookie Settings area, in the Mode list, click Use Device Profile.

7. In the Actions pane, select Apply.

8. Close Internet Information Services (IIS) Manager.

Configure the Site Collection

The following procedure must be performed on the SharePoint Web site that you will use for your Self-Service Portal. Make sure that you are not working with the SharePoint 2010 Central Administration page.

1. On the Web site where you want to deploy the web parts, in the upper left part of the page, click Site Actions, and then click Site Settings.

2. In the Site Collection Administration area, click Site collection features.

3. For the entry titled Service Manager Web Parts, click Activate. The web parts should show in the list of web parts under the miscellaneous section.

Adding Application Settings

I suggest creating SharePoint pages for the corresponding web part taking note of the URL (in non-design mode). For example, create a web part page called RequestDetails.aspx in SharePoint for request details and add a RequestDetails web part to it from the SharePoint web part gallery. Then exit the design mode of this page and note the URL– http://webserver:portnumber/RequestDetailspage.aspx. Set this URL as the value of RequestDetailsPage application settings.

To configure application settings

1. On the Windows desktop, click Start, point to Programs, point to Administrative Tools, and then click Internet Information Services (IIS) Manager.

2. In the Connections pane, expand the computer name, expand Sites, and then click the site for your SharePoint installation.

3. In the center pane, under ASP.NET, double-click Application Settings.

4. In the Actions pane, click Add.

5. In the Add Application Setting dialog box, perform the following:

a. In the Name box, type SM_ConnectionTimeout

b. In the Value box, type a number representing the number of seconds. For example, type 60, and then click OK.

6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 for the name-value pairs in the following fields. For the Default404ErrorPage, you will need to create a default error page and enter the name of your page for the value. For example, create a default error page named Default404.aspx and type a value of ~/Default404.aspx.

Name, [Value]

• Default404ErrorPage, [Default error page]

• DisplayClosedRequestsForDays, [Number of days]

• DefaultMaximumFileAttachments, [Number of attachments]

• HomePage, [Home page of SharePoint site]

• NumberOfTopAnnouncements, [Number of announcements]

To configure end user portal application settings

1. For each of the settings you first need to create the pages in SharePoint with the corresponding web part, and then make a note of this URL (in non-design mode). For example, to create a request page, start by creating a web part page called CreateRequestPage.aspx in SharePoint, and then add a CreateRequest web part to it from the SharePoint web part gallery. Exit the design mode of this page and note the URL, for example, http://webserver:portnumber/CreateRequestPage.aspx Set this URL as the value of the CreateRequestPage application setting.

Name, [Value]

• CreateRequestPage, [Page_Address]

• KnowledgeArticleDetailsPage, [Page_Address]

• MaximumKnowledgeArticles, [Page_Address]

• RequestDetailsPage, [Page_Address]

• RequestDetailsPage, [Page_Address]

• ViewAllAnnouncementsPage, [Page_Address]

• ViewAllKnowledgeArticlesPage, [Page_Address]

• ViewAllRequestsPage, [Page_Address]

To configure analyst portal application settings

1. For each of the settings you first need to create the pages in SharePoint with the corresponding web part, and then make a note of this URL (in non-design mode). For example, to create a page for viewing the change requests that have been submitted, start by creating a web part page called ChangeRequestSubmittedPage.aspx in SharePoint, and then add a ChangeRequestSubmitted web part to it from the SharePoint web part gallery. Exit the design mode of this page and note the URL, for example, http://webserver:portnumber/ChangeRequestSubmittedPage.aspx Set this URL as the value of the ChangeRequestSubmittedPage application setting

Name, [Value]

• ChangeRequestsSubmittedPage, [Page_Address]

• ChangeRequestsAssignedToMePage, [Page_Address]

• ChangeRequestsINeedToManualPage, [Page_Address]

• ChangeRequestsINeedToReviewPage, [Page_Address]

• ManualActivityDetailsPage, [Page_Address]

• ReviewActivityDetailsPage, [Page_Address]

• ChangeRequestDetailsPage, [Page_Address]

• ManualActivitiesPage, [Page_Address]

• ReviewActivitiesPage, [Page_Address

Create Request Page Workaround

The create request web part errors out when trying to move to the summary page using the web part. The create Request SharePoint page works so these steps are the work-around for the error.

There are two pages that need to be edited to give the proper look and feel:

• /EndUser/CreateRequest.aspx

• /EndUser/MasterPages/ServiceManagerPortal.aspx

/EndUser/CreateRequest.aspx

Browse to %root\inetpub\wwwroot\System Center Service Manager Portal\EndUser\. Make a copy of the CreateRequest.aspx file as CreateRequestOld.aspx.

Using an XML editor, open the file CreateRequest.aspx

Replace all of the text with the following:

Save the file as CreateRequest.aspx.

EndUser/MasterPages/ServiceManagerPortal.aspx

Browse to %root\inetpub\wwwroot\System Center Service Manager Portal\EndUser\MasterPages\. Make a copy of the ServiceManagerPortal.aspx file as ServiceManagerPortalOld.aspx.

Using an XML editor, open the file ServiceManagerPortal.aspx

To make this easier, replace the text in the file with the following:

Save the file as ServiceManagerPortal.aspx

Add the Page to SharePoint

On the SitePage Create Request (made in the End User Portal Applications section of this document) select Site Action>Edit page. Select the Insert Tab on the editing tools and click Web Part.

In the categories window, choose Media and Content.

In the Web Parts select Page Viewer and Click Add. The page viewer Web part will appear.

Select the open the tool pane link.

In the Page View Link section put in the URL for the Service Manager Portal Create Ticket page. The Default for this should be https://servername/EndUser/CreateRequest.aspx

Under the Appearance section increase the height to a fixed height of 720 pixels. Also, change Chrome Type to None.

Click OK.

Remove Recent Changes menu from Site Pages

Open a command line with Administrative rights

Change Directory to %Drive%\Program Files\Common Files\Microsoft Shared\Web Server Extensions\14\TEMPLATE\Document Templates\

Type notepad.exe wkpstd.aspx and hit enter

Find SharePoint:RecentChangesMenu control and add visible=”false” to the line. This will hide the Recent Change menu.

Save and close.

Workaround for required web application pool Service account

Log into the SharePoint server with administrative rights.

Open Internet Information Services Manager

Expand the server under the connections pane and then expand sites.

Select the site associated site you need to perform the workaround.

Choose Basic Settings from the Actions pane and note the Application Pool.

Click cancel and select Application Pools from the connections pane.

Select the Application Pool you just noted and choose Advanced Settings from the Action pane.

Under the Process Model section, note the identity account.

Log into the SQL server with administrative rights.

Open the SQL Server Management Studio

The following databases need to have User account for the account stated above created. Note: DEV\%SP_Service_Account% is the account used to set up the SharePoint environment originally.

Log into the SharePoint front in using a Site Collection Administrator account.

Select Site Actions> Site Settings.

Under the Users and Permissions section select Site collection administrators

Add the name of the application service account used by the web application and Click OK.

Addendum:

Since the release of SP1, The create page web part and my recent requests web part no longer work. I am checking into a solution.

SharePoint Saturday Richmond

2010-11-18T06:17:00.000-08:00

Here comes another SharePoint Saturday!

SharePoint Saturday is one of the best community building and learning environments out there. I say this not only because I try to be a part of it, but because the presenters really want to help people understand and learn the technology. Of course, you could go out there and pay between $900 and $3000 for a 2 day - 5 day conference and training session, but those same speakers are very likely going to be giving their time and money to present at SharePoint Saturday as well.

For example, one of the best presenters out there is Dux Raymond Sy. He is a prolifent speaker and is often presenting at the other conferences such as SharePoint Symposium, Best Practices Conference and more. He will gladly hop on a plane and travel to San Ramon, California or Kansas City, Missouri to present for free at a SharePoint Saturday.

But who pays for the SharePoint Saturday to take place? The vendors...and they don't pay a whole lot since it is mostly the cost of the venue, swag, food, and door prizes. How popular is it? Extremely! Besides being a free conference, the attendees get lunch and swag. Add to that the networking opportunities and it is priceless. THIS is why we do it. Often there is a wait list for these events. The only one so far that I have seen that waded through the wait list was SharePoint Saturday DC which had 921 attendees and was held at Northern Virginia Community College in Annandale, Virginia.

This is such as valuable group that we suggest it to our customers continuously. So, SharePoint Saturday Richmond, Virginia is December 4. If you are closer to South Florida though, I suggest SharePoint Saturday South Florida instead on December 4. More details about SharePoint Saturday are available at http://www.sharepointsaturday.org/

Last plug: I will be presenting on one of my favorites: Disaster Recovery and SharePoint 2010, Are You Ready? Come by and say Hi!

Social Computing in a Business Environment

2010-10-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

I have presented on Social Computing in a Business Environment a couple times at SharePoint Saturdays. During the presentations, I find that the biggest challenge in organizations is not the fact that the technology can’t support it, but how the business executives support it (or fight it). So, I thought it was time to bring it to the forefront.

What is Social Computing?

The dictionary states “Social Computing is a general term for an area of computer science that is concerned with the intersection of social behavior and computations systems”. For those of us that don’t speak dictionary, social computing is using computers to perform normally social conversations. Basically, it is computerizing the water cooler, suggestion box, vendor lunches, user groups, customer forums, and the news. Some social computing examples include Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, GovLoop, MySpace, FourSquare, AdultFriendFinder, Match.com, and many other WebsitesThatMashNamesTogether.

After mentioning AdultFriendFinder I often hear the room make a hushed “huh?” sound. Right, AdultFriendFinder, Match.com, eHarmony and Yahoo Personals are all social networks and when businesses are approaching policies and decisions with social computing, this has to be taken into account.

It is not just the website though; you also need to concern yourself with the media. With mobility becoming not only another means to market your website, but to connect to other sites using mobile applications, a company needs to keep this small fact into account… 90% of the population of the United States owns a mobile phone. According to Wikipedia (the master source of all statistical information sarcasm) 285 Million mobile phones were in use in the United States in December 2009. Nearly all of those phones have the ability to either text, surf the web, and/or receive email. Social Computing is another piece of this puzzle…the forgotten piece. By using the smartphone, a user can instantaneously publish news as it happens to the web. You could be taking video of a car crash involving the CTO of your company one minute and the next minute the stock of your company has tanked due to uncertainty of the CTO’s condition.

On the other hand, an employee may use the suggestion box for an idea that makes millions of dollars in revenue by making a simple change in one process.

What are the Advantages?

Of course there is the logical choice of free marketing. Does it really make a difference though? Gartner thinks so. In the November 2009 paper “The Business Impact of Social Computing: Real-World Results for Customer Engagement” they highlight three cases where social media increased customer engagement and product or service utilization. Keeping in mind the rule of threes, it makes sense to use more than one way to communicate and retain current and potential customers.

Customers are looking for the experts. Providing expert advice through customer communications provides your customers with the proper guidance while making you the expert if that field. On the other hand, receiving expert advice through social computing is also a huge advantage. If you have an issue with your car, you have a choice of asking your techno-wizard friend who also repairs his own car, or you can post a query on 2carpros.com and have a certified technician guide you in the right direction.

Market research and discussing the market trends help business better understand the target audience as well as see where the competition is heading. Competitor’s information can make or break winning business. An example of this is the transition of Chevy Chase Bank to Capital One Bank. During the “big change”, Capital One converted over the website normally used to a completely new site. This directly affects any supporting applications such as Mint.com which you may use for money management. They also changed how the secondary security worked but change it from a PIN to letter authentication to a “what is the name of your mother’s child’s dog’s name when you were 2 years old”? By using and watching social media to receive customer intel, Capital One tried to alleviate many of the customer’s angst, but when all was said and done, the issues still existed.

In response and by watching social media, M&T Bank began marketing heavily using the weaknesses of the Capital One transition as part of the marketing tool.

The customer can affect not only your existing and future business, but they can also change the direction of the company. One case in point is a company called SWSoft. SWSoft started as a small software development company that created control panel software for application and server hosting providers. The company made small technological changes to adjust for the constantly changing need of hosting providers. However, a customer suggested virtualization software for the Mac, SWSoft took the charge and ran with it. Within days, the software was created and presented to Apple for approval. Since then, SWSoft changed the company name to reflect the extreme success of the Parallels software.

Recruiting has always used social computing to a point. But with the addition of LinkedIn and Spoke, recruiting has also taken on a new look. Anymore, the operative way to find people is by performing LinkedIn searches for the right person in the right location. But new constrictions for recruiting include requirements to have at least 3 recommendations in their profile. Sales people are often required to have 500+ connections before being considered for hire.

There are more advantages to using social networking, but the real question comes down to whether or not it is worth it. It really depends on your approach and your product or service being promoted.

What are the Pitfalls?

Much in the same way you wouldn’t want your second cousin to put words in your mouth, companies are extremely wary of having individuals make improper corporate statements. This can place the company at risk for a law suit. But sometimes a law suit is the easy way out. Companies have died from statements to the press and within the community. It is the most complicated aspect of the business world…the separation of personal and business life.

Pitfall #1: Incorrect “Expert” Information. “We just closed a deal with Wal-Mart” can be a deadly statement even if it is true. If the contract has not been signed and someone makes this statement is problem number one. Even if the contract is signed, Wal-Mart may have a clause in the contract stating you cannot make such an announcement. Add to this the fact that by making such a statement you could artificially push your stock price up would be a SEC issue. Once you pushed the stock price up and the real announcement was about to be released that the “Wal-Mart deal” was for the light bulbs in a section of a single Wal-Mart store, there is a sudden whoosh sound as the men with uniforms take you off in an orange jumpsuit to match the one Martha Stewart had.

Pitfall #2: Political Views. If you are often representing the company as the expert in SharePoint uses for business and you decide to write a blog entry about how you support the Libertarian party and the candidate running for office in your home town, you have a strong chance of alienating the Democrats, Republicans, and Green party people that regularly track your movements and listen to you advice in business. There are 3 things that should never be discussed in a business environment (unless that is your business): Politics, Religion, and Sex.

Pitfall #3: Religious Views. Even stating you are agnostic can be deadly for business. Making statements about religion, or even commenting on what is happening globally can be perceived as an insult. Lastly, and this one is most often missed, by just using the word “bless” you are inferring a religious context.

Pitfall #4: Global Commentary. In the late 1993, I went to the hardware store to pick up some supplies and in the middle of the store, an man was discussing the deaths of the Navaho people due to what he believed was the “filth the savages were living in” and that he if they can’t manage to bathe, then that is what happens. I am Native American and took this as an attack directly. I promptly walked up to him and asked to see the store manager. After being escorted (by him) to the office I promptly launched into a dissertation on how ignorant he was about the Hantavirus and how his loudly expressed opinion on the “filth the savages were living in” is the one reason I will never shop in the store again. I then addressed the manager and informed him that the customer service runs in tens. “I will promptly walk out of here and tell at least 20 people about my experience which will likely disseminate to 10 others. I am but one person that has brought this to your attention. For every one person that complains, there are ten that do not. So let’s count this up real fast. If nine other people have not complained and they told their story which went to 30 people each, you have the strong potential of losing 310 customers.” One year later, the hardware store was closed.

Pitfall #5: “Indecent” Postings. Indecent is a word that scholars have been arguing for decades. The perception of that is different for each person. Having booth babes at the Electronics show in Las Vegas is likely to have two effects: Bring all of the geeky males over to have a chance to talk to the hot female and at the same time sell the goods they don’t necessarily need, and insult some of the women’s sensibilities. However, if a shirtless Alex O’Loughlin was standing there handing out literature on the G-15,000 ultimate gaming wizard wand with see-through electronics, there is a good chance that the women would not have a problem with it and female usage would skyrocket. To be fair, some companies are marketing with indecency and making it work. One company that has managed to pull it off is Go Daddy and the Go Daddy ads. The fact that they are proud that some of their ads cannot be aired during the Super Bowl is the appeal of the company promotion. But they tend to be the exception and not the rule.

Indecent extends beyond the statements though. If a company employee is constantly surfing AdultFriendFinder.com, this can be construed as sexual harassment for any coworkers that catch a glimpse of the screen. Additionally, if a person is in the comfort of their home and come across a coworker or a customer on a similar site, it can also create a challenge in the work place. Therefore, you really need to protect the company and define as clearly as possible how social media is handled inside and outside of the work place.

How does a company protect itself?

A company can’t really. All a company can do is create incentives to protect itself while at the same time promote itself. It is a delicate balance that cannot be easily audited and has few legal statues to support it.

To start it all off, you need to start with adding a Social Media policy to your employee handbook. If you already have a social media policy, you need to make sure everyone is trained on the policy. After asking many people if they have a policy the response is most likely a “no”. For the purposes of this paper, I have narrowed down three of the policies I have had the pleasure to shred. The first one is a strict policy that basically eliminates the use of social media.

It is against company policy to use any type of blog or social network for business communications.

It is against the policy to discuss anything dealing with your job to include:• Co-workers

• Likes and dislikes of the job

• Anything products, services or customers that the company supports

• Any of the company locations

All employees are required to allow for company auditing of all social media accounts. Employees are required to disclose the user ID and social media site to human resources. Employees are required to accept all invitations and connections to their social media site from the company account.

Violations of this policy are subject to disciplinary action to include the possibility of employment termination.

Policy #1

As extreme as this policy may sound, it is not out of the ordinary for the 5-7% of the companies that are completely against social media. On the other hand 29% of the companies that do not believe they need a social media policy and have documented the reasoning behind it. Michael Hyatt, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Thomas Nelson Publishers states:

Your company doesn’t need a social media policy and here are five reasons why:

1. Your people can be trusted. In my experience as a leader, people pretty much do what you expect. If you expect them to be honest and trustworthy, they will be honest and trustworthy. No, I am not hopelessly naive: I know some people misbehave. But why punish the many because of the few? Deal with the exceptions as they occur. Most people will do the right thing if given the chance.

2. Social media are just one more way to communicate. I honestly don’t understand all the fuss about social media. It’s just one more way to communicate. Do you have a “phone policy”? an “email policy”? a “fax policy”? Technology is neither good nor bad. It’s what people do with it that is the issue. And honestly, I don’t care if people are updating their Facebook status “on company time.” (Is there really such a thing any more?) Instead, I prefer to focus on the results the employee delivers and let them manage their time.

3. More rules only make your company more bureaucratic. Before the election, someone asked me what my political affiliation was. I laughed and said, “I’m a Libertarian, but only because I don’t have the guts to be an anarchist.” I don’t think you can legislate morality. (That’s not to say that legislation can’t be immoral, but I digress.) You can’t come up with enough rules to guarantee that people will do the right thing. Too many rules only make your organization slower and less likely to embrace the change it needs to survive.

4. Formal policies only discourage people from participating. In my opinion, you want to encourage your people to engage in social media. Doing so puts a human face on your brand. It meets customers where they are congregating. It makes everyone an ambassador for your organization. But formal policies discourage this. They make people hesitant. No employee wants to get in trouble, so they just avoid the very thing you want (or should want) to encourage.

5. You probably already have policies that govern inappropriate behavior. This is the real kicker. You likely already have an employee handbook in place that speaks to what is appropriate and what is inappropriate. At Thomas Nelson, for example, our handbook provides various examples of “Personal Conduct Violations.” We specifically forbid:
o Insensitivity to customers
o Spreading false statements about other employees or the company

o Profanity

o Abusive language about a supervisor or co-worker

o Unauthorized release of confidential information

o Disruptive or inappropriate behavior

o Discriminating or harassing behavior towards a co-worker

o Indecent or immoral behavior

Although Michael has some valid points, it follows down the same line as cell phone usage while driving. There is already a law for inattentive driving, but to make sure it is in the forefront of everyone’s mind, laws are redefined to eliminate the ambiguity and ensure there is a clear understanding of expectations.

To come up with the middle road, it is really best for the company to determine what the priorities are. The following is a sample of a policy found on About.com (a social media site).

Why This Policy is Necessary

Zipline International understands that many of our employees enjoy sharing their knowledge and enthusiasm for our industry online and we encourage these activities. We also encourage employees to expand their knowledge and understanding of our industry by interacting with their colleagues online and in traditional meeting environments.

At the same time, management is responsible to protect the privacy, security and image of our company, customers and stakeholders. This policy is intended to foster an open and expressive environment while at the same time maintaining corporate security.

Private Use of Social Media, Websites and Blogs by Employees

Employees that are tasked with maintaining blogs and websites, or establishing a social media presence on behalf of the company, are guided by a separate policy addressing these responsibilities. Unless you are specifically asked to do so, you are not authorized to speak on behalf of the company. When sharing information about our industry or your area of expertise, please make it clear that your are offering your own opinions.

Non-disclosure of Confidential Information

Never reveal information that is covered by the non-disclosure agreement that you signed before coming to work at Zipline. In addition, never disclose information that has not already been made public by the company. This includes, but is not limited to, new product announcements, financial data and staffing changes. Do not use company logos or trademarks without permission.

Maintaining Positive Communications

At all times, be respectful of our company as well as its employees, customers, vendors and competitors. Remember that you are ultimately responsible for your online behavior and should avoid content or actions that are defamatory, pornographic, proprietary, harassing, libelous or threatening. You can be sued by employees, competitors or any other individuals affected by such content.

Protecting Physical and Information Security

Do not share specifics of the company's Security or Information Technology practices. In addition, never share specific information regarding the layout of our physical plant. Such details can be abused by unethical individuals to breach company security.

Policy #2

Policies will only take you so far when it comes to protecting the company. Having other measures in place such as network monitoring and web control device, and system policy objects can help a company limit the access to “acceptable” social media. Having access to AdultFriendFinder may not be against your social media policy. It may be against a computer use policy. Having people on Facebook all day may not be against either a social media policy OR a computer use policy…but it isn’t necessarily productive. Having web control devices helps control access time and web site access to social media sites.

What are Easy Ways to Promote Social Computing?

I am going to start with what I know best…SharePoint. SharePoint is a portal capable of not only collaboration and document sharing, but it also takes social computing to the next level. SharePoint 2010 specifically includes a feature called My Site which allows for individual customization of how information is displayed. For example, through My Content, I am able to display document libraries most important to me from my business portal, and have my Twitter and Blog feed into the page as well.

With newsfeeds, I am able to have the RSS feeds from the site I monitor that directly affect me such as Microsoft SharePoint blog, and I am able to track my tagged features in my business portal.

Tagging and Notes are an additional feature in SharePoint 2010 that allow for people to tag content in accordance with the relevance they feel it deserves. It is much like a peer review of the value of the document.

Blogs are built into SharePoint as a template and are easy to deploy. Discussion boards and suggestion boxes are web part components that are added to any page within the SharePoint environment.

As an added bonus, the auditing feature allows for you to control where you social networks are connecting through. By adding web parts for social media such as the Facebook Kit for SharePoint, the SharePoint to LinkedIn Connector, or the TwitterPublicTimeline web part, companies are able to limit access to a single location instead of the entire corporate network. Auditing ensures you can track how often pages are being hit.

Considerations for selecting a SharePoint hosting provider

2010-10-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

SharePoint hosting is not a new capability. In addition to the standard single instance hosting by a managed service provider, SharePoint has been available in a hosted service provider model since Windows SharePoint Services 2.0 (WSS 2.0). Microsoft tried to deliver hosted multi-tenant WSS 2.0 using bCentral until it was sold off to another hosted service provider. The problem is that it has only been WSS 2.0 or WSS 3.0. Microsoft Office SharePoint Server (MOSS) 2007 did not have the multi-tenant functionality available for hosted service providers to use. But with the release of SharePoint 2010, this all changes and the providers are looking very carefully at how and when to deliver it for general use.

This brings new questions to light on how to choose the right hosted service provider for your SharePoint environment. Here are some suggestions for your selection process:

1. How long have you been a hosted service provider?

With companies realizing that the "cloud" is an upcoming strong revenue stream, many companies are starting up their own hosted service offerings to expand their offerings. The more seasoned companies have the hosted provider processes documented and supported and do not have the challenges of learning how to support a cloud offering.

2. What types of migration processes or tools do they use?

The most complicated part of moving to a hosted service provider is the migration of the data. If the provider does not have the automated migration tools in place, there is often a lack of understand the difference between migrating from the single instance WSS 3.0 environment to the hosted multi-tenant SharePoint 2010 Server environment. If there aren't tools in place, you may want to find out how long they expect to move the data and how.

3. What are the service levels offered?

Service levels are just one way to determine how confident the hosted service provider is about their own infrastructure, software configuration, and support. The latter is often overlooked by providers because their objective is to keep the application running, and not how quickly they will answer the phone when you call. When reviewing service levels, do not forget to check the maintenance windows. This can be a big issue for 24/7 customers if the maintenance window is every evening between 8PM and 5AM and the service levels are only measured between 5AM and 8PM.

4. Are there contractual penalties associated to the service levels?

If the company has a failure or disaster, having service levels does not make a hill of beans without some payment or reduction in monthly costs.

5. What are the Microsoft Certified Competencies?

Much like any other Microsoft Gold Partner, each one has competencies in certain fields of service certified by Microsoft. Microsoft certified competencies are verified by Microsoft to have the certified personnel and good references to receive the competency. The SharePoint hosted service provider should have at least two: Hosting Competency and Portals and Collaboration Competency. There are plenty of other competencies that may be relevant for your need, so ask for the entire list.

6. What is the disaster recovery plan?

Most hosted service providers have a disaster recovery plan that can be sent to each customer. It is not usually highly detailed but it will provide enough information to make an informed decision or at least to prompt more questions. Pay special attention to how long it will take for the provider to get your environment back up and running after a disaster and find out how they define a disaster. Some may consider it equipment failure, while others consider it an act of nature or terror.

7. How are they configured for SharePoint?

Since SharePoint 2010 is still facing challenges for multi-tenant, it is prudent to find out how they deliver the SharePoint environment. At this time, nearly all hosted service providers are installing SharePoint in a stand-alone model on virtual machines (VM). This ensures that all of the resources assigned to that server are readily available. However, with the VM model, you are paying for it. Dedicated processors, memory and disk mean that resources are not as fully utilized as the multi-tenant model, thereby making it more expensive.

8. Do you have backend or central administrator access?

Customizations are often held up due to this issue. In the old multi-tenant model, customizations were often prohibited to protect the integrity of the system as a whole. In many VM stand-alone models the case is also true. The hosted service provider has to support the operating system and the SharePoint environment as a whole and will lock down that functionality to protect themselves. However, the provider may allow changes to the configuration upon request.

9. Is anti-virus included?

Anti-virus for SharePoint? I know. I hear that a lot. Yes, anti-virus for SharePoint. You are moving and storing files on the SharePoint environment much like the file system you may have used in the middle ages. The file server required an anti-virus, so why wouldn't you have one on SharePoint? In cloud service models, anti-virus for the SharePoint environment is often an additional cost.

10. Do my employees have to log in every time?

This question is relative. If you have an active directory environment and want the SharePoint site to have the same credentials and login ID and password, this is an important question. I know that I hate getting a pop-up box when I am in the office. I expect the company system to know exactly who I am. However, if the company is mostly virtual and spread out all over the world, this may have no relevance.

11. Am I losing out on functionality by using a hosted service provider?

You can assume that alert notifications in SharePoint will work as normal. However, incoming email addresses to document libraries may be a different story. Ask the provider if all of the SharePoint functionality is available.

12. Are there other service offerings on top of SharePoint?

Some additional offerings to consider are archiving and compliance for SharePoint, PDF filters, multi-server configuration for the security-minded, and application integration (Exchange, OCS, Project Server, Dynamics CRM).

13. Price?

I know. Do I really have to add this? Answer: Yes. Because after all is said and done, you have to decide if the available options are going to work for your company. What you may end up realizing is after all is said and done, it may be easier to place a SharePoint environment in-house and pay for remote managed services. Another point to note is that not everyone prices the same way. In cloud environments, you may have hourly fee + per seat, monthly fee + per seat, monthly per seat fee, or monthly bulk seats fee (e.g. 50 seats included).
This should move you down the track of selecting your hosted SharePoint provider. I am sure there are more items that may directly affect you that I haven't touched on such as data center security and processes, locations, and financial stability, but these are the items I hear about the most.

Chevy Chase Bank to Capital One Transition Nightmare

2010-10-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to me how badly Capital One planned and delivered this transition from Chevy Chase Bank to Capital One.Our issues started day 1 when they (A) moved the website, and (B) managed to have my wife's debit card number charging all over the country.

The website moved so ALL of our software that helps us manage our money no longer worked...and continue to fail to work. Why? Because they moved the site URL AND they required a password change AND required me to answer those stupid questions about my mother's best friend's pet collar color in 1968. I really like the fact that it performed two factor authentication off of my debit PIN number. Up until this transition, I always knew my PIN number. So, I also use Mint to track finances and spending...but that doesn't work with Capital One. On top of this, the website does NOT show us what has been charged until the following day...This was not the case at Chevy Chase Bank. I was able to see all charges as they were placed against the account...which was another way for ME to monitor as my own fraud detection.

My wife's debit card just happened to have a bunch of fraud charges the smae day everything switched over. We of course were called by Fifth Third Bank (caller ID) but the problem is...THAT IS NOT CHEVY CHASE BANK NOR CAPITAL ONE. Idiots. Come to find out Capital One owns Fifth Third Bank as well and is using them as the fraud detection group. Then, in 3 separate visits to the bank branch and 4 calls to the fraud detection unit to actually get the fraud charges revoked. They issued my wife a new Debit Card which did come soon after the temp debit card was given (We will come back to this).

So...we went on vacation to my home town of Clinton, IL and stayed at the Kalahari in Sandusky, OH on the way back. Want to guess what happened to MY debit card? Right...flagged for fraud. So, without calling my home phone, they shut off my card. Thankfully it was after I was back in town. So, while standing in checkout at the grocery, I was declined. I had to think about this as I was certain we had the money. No matter, I pulled out another card and charged it. I checked the account after returning and we had the money. I looked at the charges and they were all our charges...nothing out of the ordinary.

4 days later, I received a letter in the mail stating my card has been shut down by fraud detection. In the same day, I received my new debit card...my Mastercard debit card. I failed to mention my Chevy Chase Bank debit card was a Visa debit card (which I liked). So, good by Visa points, and hello Mastercard...what? So, I tried to login to my old Visa points account and of course...I forgot my password, so I have to login with my Visa card number...that I no longer have.

So here I sit thinking about whether to make the big change since all of my online autopay bills have to have my new card added...or if I stick it out and wait to see if Capital One can sort their stupidity out. So far, I am looking at BB&T, PNC, or Wachovia (which is now owned by Wells Fargo but seems to have a MUCH smoother transition).

Blue Toilet Water

2010-08-23T05:06:00.000-07:00

Blue toilet water just makes me smile. This is especially the case in the public bathroom at the office. It doesn't have a tank so I am certain nobody else has used that toilet since it was cleaned. The blue water is so tranquil and it makes me happy to know that I will be the one person to take this tranquil caribbean blue happiness and destory it with my own bio-fuel. Ah, it is the little things.

To catch anyone up who reads my blog and hasn't heard much from me...Andi is starting a company and will provide the first SharePoint cruise. Of course being the technogeek, I am obligued to build her websites for the SharePoint cruise (CruiseSharePoint.com) itself...and for the company (TechCruises.com).

The Best Practices Conference #BPC is taking place in Reston which means I should be properly cooked for the entire week attending #SharePint after meeting outings. I am looking forward to meeting a few and reconnecting with many.

I also have a oral presentation for a multimillion dollar account on Tuesday. I wrote a large majority of the technical on it and I am thrilled to death we made the down-select. I have 2 SharePoint proposals going on, and just received a monster Cloud RFP that I have been tracking for the past 8 months.

I have a twitter now (@n8ivwarrior)...which until I actually started using it, I could really see the point in it. Now that I use it, my first thought was "where have I been?" So...my poor neglected blog. I have returned to provide you a little insight into what has been and will be my life in turmoil. Hope to see you again soon.

To the Parents of my Son-in-law

2010-08-11T15:53:00.000-07:00

It appears we have a problem. The children are wanting to move away. They have no car, no place to live and no money for down-payments. However, they have a prospect in Maryland.

Therefore, we are inviting you to dinner. A dinner of communcation and honesty.

Letter to McNair PTA President

2010-05-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

Andi,

I sincerely believe there is nobody who could have done this job as well as you. I am not just saying that because you are my wife, I am saying it as a parent of a child of the school. As PTA president, you have managed to pull off more than they will ever know (at least for a year). Your dedication to the school has been seen by many and is not as easily dismissed as Teresa portrays. Without your planning and complete commitment, this year would have been without all of the new clubs, without all of the new Odyssey of the Mind teams, without people’s jobs. You are the hub for everything in the school.

I firmly believe this school will fall back into the disarray of years past and I honestly do not want my child to feel the consequences of the board’s and principal’s actions.

I love you and believe in you.

John

Look, I spent $8

2010-05-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to see Robin Hood. The movie was a lot longer than it had to be...because the movie was considerably more boring than it had to be. But enough about the movie...let's talk about people.

Some people, namely the people I scooted down the isle so they could have 6 seats next to each other, should NEVER go to the movie theater. NEVER! Look, when I go to the theater to see a movie (no matter how bad it is), I expect to see the movie without the additional soundtrack. If you are going to have a conversation, wait for it to come out on DVD and watch it in the comfort of your home and AWAY FROM ME! It is one thing when you have to tell them to be quiet, but when during the ENTIRE movie, the other people around them have to complain STFU!!!!!! We all spent hard earned money to watch an overpriced movie while eating overpriced popcorn and drinking overpriced soda so that we can watch an entirely too long and slow movie.

So, the next time you want to have a conversation, go to the library. There, I feel somewhat better now....BTW, when you have to say in these words "if you want to have conversation, you need to leave" and she gives you a look like "I paid $8 to talk during this movie", just remember, this will all come back to haunt them. Someone's Karma will soon be driving over their Dogma.

Holidays and Family

2010-04-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

Holidays have been notoriously ruined in our family. Halloween had terrible memories. July 4 has been a disaster in the past. And now...Easter.

Politics are the cause of it all this time. Personally, I have always tried to avoid the topic of politics. I have a viewpoint and I try to learn everything from every side. Today was ruined by the health care reform bill. This is a hot topic in the first place and to add the fact that the Queen is mostly a democrat, and our child's husband has made his comments about the bill very vocal. The child in question supports her husband which is perfectly fine, but understanding the reactions of other people was something she was lacking.

How did all of this go down? The younger child went to her sister's for a visit. A discussion broke out about the reform bill and the walk away her sister brought back to the family was "Shae and Ryan are Republicans". Now this may not necessarily be true...but the viewpoint is still there.

Shae was planning to come over today. I texted her and informed her that she may want to avoid the house as I know that she was going to be verbally beaten by the Queen and the oldest sister. So, instead we went for a walk. I imformed her of the situation...she informed me that the opinion of her husbands and not her own. She said she is definitely not a Republican and that her husband is not either. She informed me that the information Ryan had was what he researched and he made his own decision.

Talking about politics always has a give and take. You are welcome to express your views, but the will always be a reaction (likely from the disagreed). A friend of mine used to have a blog expressing his viewpoints about politics and had to shut it down to protect his family from the crazies. Free speech is a national right (says the blogger)...but some people take it too far. Those are the ones that can ruin it for everyone.

Shae and Ryan. I am sorry we are at this point. I hope the family can work through it.

Double-checking my Decision

2010-03-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

So, I am sitting here...in my house...wondering if the path I have chosen is the path I should continue. I look constantly around at people, companies, government and I see so much to fix...and so little capabilities or influence. I think I have the answer to change one part of the world...I just wish I could hand it to somebody and have them run with it, but I know there are too many people out there who do not look past the "laws"
of now and into the possiblity that they are wrong.

I need to complete several things over the next 11 months... I need to make the prototype. I need to prove it works. I need to lock in the patent. So, I guess my main question is, how? I know it would be worth it once it is done, but right now, I am more interested in the not-so-important things like sleep, relaxing, and just being myself. As of late, I feel like I am living somebody else life and have no time to have fun. I go to work, and I come home and crash.

So what am I to do? Is this just another bout of depression because the sun has not appeared in quite some time? Am I suppose to be waiting for something to happen? Should I be looking for a sign? Should I be writing the book? Should I be teaching the kids everything technology? Why do I feel as if I should be helping people instead of making a lot of money to help other people make a lot of money? Should I just give my idea to science and let them run with it? IT would be so much easier for me just to dump my brain to everyone else and let them do the work.

Conceded? Possibly. Is it warranted? Probably not. Do I really believe that I am that much more enlightened than other people? Defnitely not. I just think my brain is wired differently. I don't think I am the next Einstein or Jesus Christ (another blog entirely), but I do believe the way "laws" of science are broken is because there is that one guy who wishes to prove otherwise. I do believe that some people just know. I do believe that some people can teach others how to think that way as well...which may be more important than that one big scientific breakthrough, or that religious epiphany. It is much like Socrates teaching Plato, Xenophon, Antithenes, and Aristotle his way of thinking so they can be better understand and develop their own conclusions. I am in no way saying I am Socrates.

However, this is the struggle I have been dealing with for most of my life. This is the battle that I fear will never be won. Change the world anonymously, or change the world and make billions. Where and when does my ego step down? At what point will I give up on the idea as I have done many times before?

Day 1 - Clarifying my Job

2010-02-22T05:56:00.000-08:00

Today, my mission is to clarify what my objectives over the next year are here at work. I always try to do the best job I can possibly do, but lately my confidence has been shaken. Since I want to help the company move forward, I need to better define my responsibilities and help promote the business itself. This means that more meetings (which I hate because they often lead to little being accomplished) with key stakeholders so they understand where we are heading and when we will get there...This is another line in the sand.

I also realize that I need to drop the inferred facial features (I tend to read people all the time) and background noise, and concentrate on the target. Therefore, today and tomorrow will be spent locking down the plan. I will review the plan with stakeholders and receive input from them.

But...this is my day job. I cannot let my day job rule my nights and weekends any longer. I realize that I am in a field that demands on me to work 24x7, but for me to keep my sanity, I have to seperate the two.

New Passion...New Plan...New Life

2010-02-21T05:33:00.000-08:00

Over the past few months, I have lost the passion I desperately need to survive this world. I lost where I was going and who I am. My Queen reminded me of something she read in a the Spark, a book written by the creator of SparkPeople. Place a line in the sand and move toward the line. This is much like the business off-site discussions we have for my current company, but it doesn't take it to a personal level. So here I sit, poised to deliver to the world my knowledge and draw my line in the sand.

New Passion...

I have had this invention running around in my head for the past few months which will revolutionize the entire world's ability to provide green energy. It is very simple and will change the face of the Earth. There are some protective things I need to accomplish before the invention is revealed, but I now have a plan as to how to accomplish that. My biggest challenge is going to be money, but once the patent is locked in internationally, that is when I will push to get sponsorship.

New Plan... (the line in the sand)

One year from today, I intend to have the money required to sponsor the new found passion. I will put together all supporting documentation over the next month and talk to the International patent attourneys after 60 days. Once the patents are filed (this process can take up to 3 years), I will go out and lobby for funding. My major challenge in this venture is that my credit sucks...bad. I know I will have to give up something in this deal, but if it helps the entire world (and makes me filthy rich), I am all for it. After the funding has been received and the company has been created, I will hire some additional people and we will quietly start building because demand will be high.

New Life...

I have lived my life day-to-day and have not had much fun through it all. As of today, I intend to live my life. I intend to remove the negative and bring in the light. Part of this change is reading a book that I thought would never really inspire me, but just entertain me.. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. I have always been a believer that knowledge is the greatest power any human being could possibly have and the quest for knowledge is the purpose for our lives. The book however discusses how science and theology (something I have often dismissed) can coexist very well together. In fact, Noetic science is delving into the human ability to affect their surroundings through thought. This falls directly in line with my belief that everyone has a certain amount of energy and that transfer of energy can be seen in ghosts, deja vu, and spirit guides. With the recent discovery of the superstring theory ("M" theory), I believe that there is now a possible mathematical and scientific solution to parallel universes, UFOs, and again...ghosts, deja vu, and spirit guides.

My declaration...

It is my objective to keep a positive center in my life. It is my objective to move forward with the plan to save the world from killing itself. It is my objective to educate and enlighten myself and others on the science of theology through facts and not conjecture. Therefore to all of my readers (which I believe I am down to 1...myself), live positive and seek knowledge.

18 Weeks?!

2010-01-13T09:08:00.000-08:00

So, I have been trying to get a new driver's license. The state of Virginia requires that I provide a certified copy of my Birth Certificate even though I once had a Virginia driver's license about 5 years ago. Well, not to name names, but QueenSuchandSuch (keeper of all vital records) has lost my birth certificate, therefore, I have to request a new one from the state of California.

There is a vital records web site that pointed me right to where I need to go to get my birth certificate. To expedite the request, it is submitted to the county I was born in. About 8 weeks later, I received...a letter. Because I am adopted, "the county does not keep me birth certificate on record. Thank you for you money. Check with the State of California in Sacramento."

Nice...real nice. So, I go to the web site which says "they ONLY accept birth certificate request through the postal service. Please send us more money...and notorize this paper with your signature." I snail mail my request and money, and notorized paperwork and wait.

Meanwhile, my birthday has now passed and my driver's license is on E. I figure if I do get stopped, I will tell the cop I was born in California. That should work right? So, I am rapidly approaching a need for a valid driver's license or passport. I intend to take the MCM exam in May. Problem is, you can't board a plane with an expired license...and I am not driving from Washington DC to Seattle. So, I called them.

When I started down the road to Sacremento, the web site stated it could take up to 12 weeks to get it back. Now it states I have an AVERAGE wait of 18 weeks. Oh, and Governor Ahnode has informed the same agency that took my money that they have to NOT work on the first 3 Fridays of every month. What kind of crap is that? I paid for a service to be completed within a reasonable time. 18 weeks, not reasonable. I know for a fact that every birth certificate in loaded into a database, since the database was open to the public for a short time in the 90s, so why in the world would it take 18 weeks...average?

Odd thing is, the state of Maryland, you can walk right up and get a copy of the birth certificates in minutes. I had to do so for my 3 older kids. California Vital Records Division may want to take a page from Maryland's play book.

Feminism in Words

2010-01-01T10:31:00.000-08:00

Last night when I am suppose to be sleeping safe and sound I for some reason had a dream about a woman raising hell with me about how the female has been oppressed for all these years and are never getting a fair break. As I agree with the thought process and that women are not being paid equal pay for an equal job, this dream woman began to provide me a tirade on how history is completely written by men and that a womans perpective has been totally elimated by the same oppression mentioned previously.

The we went into the deconstruction of words. "History, is just his story. That is after all how the word was made. Otherwise it would be Herstory."

This is absolutely ludicrous. First of all, it is spelled wrong if that was the attempt. wouldn't it be Hisstory? um...NO. This type of thinking is what pushes back the feminist movement and causes people (men and women) to think that feminist are just a bunch of nutbags in need of "special" attention. One straightjacket for the crazy female in the corner please.

Using this philosophy of break down words, I would like to break down another one... Harmony. The first part of the word is harm which is technically a bad thing. The last part of the word is the British term for money, mony...GO BILLY IDOL!!!! Anyway, with the brain sucking translation of history, this would mean that harmony is the act of harming someone for money, not the pleasing combination of independent elements as a whole.

Anyway, Happy New Year everyone! Welcome to 2010!

The Tail Wagging the Dog

2009-12-22T11:53:00.000-08:00

A question was posted on LinkedIn about how the industry is dealing with the lack of SharePoint talent when companies are deploying. In my opinion, they aren't. In order to better understand this point of view, I am going to give you a scenario.

An energetic and technology driven systems administrator wants to stand up and play with SharePoint in his company of 200 people in order to get his hands on it and see what it can do. He stands it up and shows how document management and shared calendaring works to his boss and co-workers. The out-of-the-box functionality of SharePoint creates enough interest that the company adopts it and starts rolling it out to the entire company.

The proud technician is happy he was able to fit a technology in that will move the company forward.

A few months later after the new sales manager starts, he requests a reporting capable excel services, and a business intelligence application for his department. This is what he had at his last (Fortune 500) company and it made the group overall more productive. Welcome to the business requirements phase of the plan.

The technologist is now over his head. He understands the administration of the SharePoint environment as far as creating new site and subsites, making lists with custom fields, and alerts, but now we are talking about more development, business analysis and architecture. The company makes the demands on the IT department...which has a hard time completing the tasks.

One of two things happen. One, the company figures out that it cannot support the requirement either technically or monetarily and scraps the idea completely. Two, the company finds the money necessary to hire outside consultants to deploy and train the users how to use it effectively. The latter are often companies realizing they need to keep up and stay ahead of the competition. The former are strictly focused on the bottom line and are willing to be a little behind the competition.

Either way, this is what I have discovered over the years, Technologist are the tail of the the business dog. The tail can wag the dog only until the dog discovers and chases it own tail...then the dog wags the tail. The dog should always wag the tail.

Mexicans with Snow Plows

2009-12-19T17:58:00.000-08:00

So...this is not meant to be discriminatory, it is just a light-hearted observation. Our landscaping company employs a substancial amount of people from the hispanic background. They often wake us up on Saturday mornings with the sounds of lawn mowers and leaf blowers. Did I mention it is always on a Saturday?

So today, we are officially having a blizzard. At least according to the weather service. To me, it looks like a snowfall, not really a blizzard. Of course, living in Maine and Chicago, I have seen my fair share of snow.

So, the same landscaping company ALSO plows and shovels during the winter season. The individuals of the southern persuation may know how to mows and deal with the summer heat, but they have NO idea how to deal with the white stuff falling from the sky. Driving in it is only a humorous activity in futility. I saw the snow plow running back and forth trying to get off the patch of ice it created.

This brings me to my point, as I mostly have one. You should really have a last name like Andersen, or Borgensen before operating a snow plow.

Dude!?

2009-12-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wonder why people do what they do...but that is not unusual. So, I was at work today and the toilet that USUALLY has the blue water in it because I am the first person to use it. I love the feeling of ruining the blue water. It just feels good to sit on a clean toilet.

I digress, so today, I went to the toilet to be totally peaved to see not only was it used but it was one of THOSE guys. You know the guy who walks right by the 3 open clean urinals to a stall so he can pee in the toilet. WHY man WHY? Not only do you walk right past the urinal, but you don't have aim and/or it is shorter than you think! FIrst, lift the damn seat. Second, FLUSH!

Lastly, after you did ALL of that, you don't even stop at the sink to wash up and grab that handle to walk right out of the bathroom. I watch you dude. I damn sure do not want to shake you hand.

So, here is my point (as I almost always have one), dude, grow a pair and act like a man. Stand up to pee. Have a little hygiene.

I Hate Holidays

2009-11-24T17:18:00.000-08:00

I hate holidays. There is just too much crap wrapped around holidays. Thanksgiving is one of those holidays... I never really liked it to begin with since it represents the Natives saving the lives of the Pilgrims, whose spawn later murdered what was left after the diseases went through.

Most other holidays are really no better. The expectations surrounding costumes for Halloween, presents for Christmas, sex for Valentine's day (wait...that one isn't so bad). I just think that having plans for a holiday are bound for failure every time. Therefore, I plan to stop all holidays from this point further. Tomorrow, I will be attending a Capitals game downtown. Thursday, I will be eating a turkey sandwich without all of the fixings...because honestly I don't want the entire meal. I really like the turkey sandwich the following day.

Even with the 6 year old, it would be nice if we could cut out Christmas. Not very likely since she has done nothing but want Christmas since December 26th. She has been talking about Santa, Christmas trees, and candy canes. I think sometimes she is the leader of the elves.

I would love to say Christmas is in the tropics. Only those that can buy their way will be permitted to go.

Commercials

2009-11-22T18:15:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here watching the Eagles beat the Bears and a commercial runs repeatedly during the breaks. It is 30 seconds of irrellevance:

So, after watching that, I have to think to myself that maybe I am just too old to get it. That commercial did not make me want to join the group of people already using a Jeep. It didn't make me feel like I need a Jeep because it has something I want. It didn't even make me think at all. Fact is, I feel like I lost 30 seconds of my life waiting to see a drawing of a Jeep on white paper.

What happemed to the Jeep climbing a mountain so someone can take their snowboard back down? What happened to the Jeep commercials showing the evolution and history of the Jeep? Even if you showed me a commercial with a hot chick fawning over the overweight plumber crack guy stepping out of the Jeep with a tool belt on. NOW THAT would be a commercial that would make me consider a Jeep. The plumber picking up the supermodel because he drives a Jeep. Not only do you sell the vehicle, but it is funny.

The supermodel is doing a photo shoot outside on stairs of some historic location and shee stops in her tracks as the brand new Jeep Cherokee pulls up front. A pregnant pause takes place. She is stunned. A balding bearded overweight plumber steps out on the opposite of the Jeep, grabs his tool belt out of the back seat and throws it around his waist as it pulls down on his pants. As his walks up the stairs, the supermodel runs up to him and says " I sure would like to get to know you better. You can pick me up at 7."

Stunned, the plumber walks away with a number in hand. The supermodel looks back at the vehicle. Now THAT'S a Jeep.

Paging Dr. Who...

2009-11-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

How your cloud provider interacts with you can be very overlooked. You may be able to email customer support if there is a problem and wait for the allotted 24 hours for a response, or you can always call...if they have phone services available.

Most cloud computing environment (especially the large ones) have forgotten that it is not just providing a service, but it is providing you with the information you need BEFORE you (the IT person forced to sit in the basement under the leaky water main) are asked why the system is not responding as it should.

Cloud services should focus more on the service aspect than the clouds. I am so punny. Where was I? Oh, so, cloud services are often more about how much does it cost for me to stand up a virtual machine rather than:

who will contact me with a problem;
what is the problem and who is fixing it;
when will the problem be resolved;
why did this happen;
where is the resolution to prevent it from happening again;
how does this affect my organization?

A company with a strong customer support group will already have these answers in place and ready. A very strong support group will tell you what is happening with your machine before it happens so that you can collaboratively resolve the issue. Of course, even with all of the monitoring and management by the best tools of the environment in the cloud will not always predict the arising black death of a server. So, you may have to make a phone call.

I like the way we do this part...In a normal environment, you will call the help desk and be placed in queue with the elevator music playing Greensleeves in your ears (Christmas is only 2 months away and I hear it in the mall already). After sitting in queue what seems like a lifetime, you finally get the tier 1 support person who you are certain:

does not have a clue as to what you are talking about;
does not speak your language;
does not have permission to resolve your issue;
can't find your account number because you have a name;
has to escalate the issue to someone else because they have no idea what a VM is;
or all of the above.

We do it slightly differently...We put highly qualified people from the U.S. on the front line with the power to create, destroy, and fix the issue on the first call. We count on them fixing more than destroying.

"Community Clouds"

2009-10-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

Someone threw this term across my screen today thinking it would impress me and I would have to explain the way a Community Cloud would differ from the standard Public, Private and Hybrid clouds already recognized by the IT community.

Here is my explanation: A Community Cloud is much like a Community or Junior College. You can go to a community college for the cheap and receive an "OK" education and when you finally graduate, you can be accepted to any Public College using you transfer. You could also apply to get into a Private College as a transfer but it is going to cost you MUCH more to attend. A Community Cloud follows this same principal...NOT!

There isn't a "Community Cloud". There is a Public Cloud which is freely available to anyone on the internet, a Private Cloud which is basically kept from direct Internet access, and Hybrid which uses a combination of the two to meet the needs of the business.

One of the reason the term is trying to be adapted is to help standardize how cloud computing is delivered. Because the technology is so "new" (which it really isn't), some people feel that they need to take what they do not fully understand and try to make it better.

So here is the truth...a true cloud provider uses standards based systems and manage according to standards-based practices such as ITIL, FISMA, NIST and ISO. They would deliver products according to CMMI, PMP, and PRINCE2. The standards are already in place, the providers you choose should use the standards.

Security is another reason for the new term as well. If the cloud provider is setting up your environment and hasn't taken your data and personal security into account, then the risk of your data being compromised is high and the odds of the provider being able to pass FISMA, HIPAA, SOX or any other compliance requirements are slim.

If your provider feels the acronyms I have just thrown at you are not as easy to understand as LOL, LMAO, BRB, or OMG, you may want to say, ROFL, NFW I would ever by from U! Your should really go back to Community Cloud and try to get a degree.

What is Cloud Computing?

2009-10-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

Well, Wikipedia calls it "Cloud computing is an example of computing in which dynamically scalable and often virtualized resources are provided as a service over the Internet. Users need not have knowledge of, expertise in, or control over the technology infrastructure in the "cloud" that supports them.

The concept generally incorporates combinations of the following:

Infrastructure as a service (IaaS).
Platform as a service (PaaS).
Software as a service (SaaS).

Other recent (ca. 2007–09) technologies that rely on the Internet to satisfy the computing needs of users. Cloud computing services often provide common business applications online that are accessed from a web browser, while the software and data are stored on the servers. "

You have to love that answer...or lack thereof. I find that wikipedia entries are either written for the Nobel Laureate, or for the pet rock. Nothing really in between. So, here we go for the normal people...JB's description:

"Cloud computing is taking all of the hardware, systems, applications and desktops and moving them to the Internet so they are easily accessible, and monitored and maintained in secure, redundant data centers."

Cloud computing basically is the term used to place applications from Microsoft Exchange to the custom written application running on a virtual desktop out on the web. There are several types of clouds to include the public cloud (most often used and is easily accessible via the Internet), the private cloud (which I will discuss next) and a hybrid of the two.

The public cloud has advantages like the lower cost of services because you are sharing resources from the hardware the application is running on to the overqualified people supporting it. The ROI (almost afraid to use that term as it is really opportunity costs, and cost avoidance more than a return on an investment) is always good because often there isn't capital required to join the public network.

The private cloud on the other hand is a bit trickier. A private cloud is often a misunderstood term. In my eyes, the private cloud, is not really a cloud at all. A private cloud is a connection of private circuits connecting to private networks in the cloud data centers. The purpose for this is the security and redundancy aspect. In my eyes, the private cloud is another name for the greener wide area network. It is greener because it utilizes virtual machines like VMWare, and virtual LANs, but not green enough as it requires a total seperation and the sharing of resources is degraded considerably.

Why the private cloud? Some say it is because of security, which is often less secure than the public cloud. The other is the misconception that federal regulations require that all agencies in the federal government must have a clear deliniating line between each other. People take this a bit far and think that means you need a 2 mile trench between you and your neighbor and if you are caught making smoke signals to the other team, they will place you in front of the firing line and shoot you with the squirtgun until you are wet to your underwear. I say, wear plastic undies. You are much more likely to lose data on a laptop than you are off of the servers on the public network.

The hybrid cloud is a combination of the two in which often used Internet-based resources such as email or a CRM will be used on a public cloud and the mission critical applications will be used on the private cloud.

You may be asking yourself, "didn't we try this once before with application service providers (ASP)?" Short answer is yes...and no. The time of the ASP was plagued with challenges to include:

Software not written to be multi-tenant.
Network bandwidths for even the highest technology companies was a T1.
Not everyone had Internet access from home.
Software licensing was not designed for Internet based.

There are more reasons of course, but for the most part, the major challanges have been addressed. The key for a good cloud provider is to understand the customer needs and BE FLEXIBLE enough to customize to meet those needs.

Rude Awakening

2009-04-17T10:49:00.001-07:00

I took a few minutes after lunch today to check my Facebook. I found out...my Daughter Shae is married...over 2 weeks ago. I had NO idea. To my dismay, she didn't feel it was important enough to tell us she is married. I bought her dinner last weekend and she didn't tell us she was married.

Yes, she IS 19 and old enough to make her own decisions. She has known the guy for 3 months and much like I did at 19, married quickly. No, she didn't invite us to the JP wedding much like the Queen and I didn't invite the kids. So I guess the logic behind it all...or the reasoning is not far from my own.

However, the Queen and I always thought that we had an open communications with the kids. Something as important as a marraige would be one of those things we would expect to at least be told, not something we find out about on a social networking site with 250 of the closest friends. I guess from this point of view it is much like the Queen not telling HER mother that she married. hmmm...what comes around...

For my daughter, congrats. I am glad you found your one true love. I hope you live and love a long and glorious life together.

Oh...By the way, I have to take you off my health insurance now. Love ya, Dad.

A Quick Update on Life

2009-04-02T17:18:00.000-07:00

So, it HAS been a while since I actually wrote a blog entry. Fact is, I am a happy person and the need for my written form of therapy is not as necessary. There was a rough patch over Christmas, but after changing jobs yet again, and boosting my medication slightly, all is good.

I have a new job. I like it tremendously. Multiple reasons, first...everything is a challenge. Second, I am building a new division in the company. Lastly, I am treated as a valuable person in the company.

Moving on...Sydni has a Dean's scholarship at Aurora University in Illinois. For this I am extremely proud. She will be attending in the Fall. She never gives up and for this, she is rewarded.

I coached Odyssey of the Mind for the first time this year. It was truly exhausting and rewarding all at the same time. I coached 5th and 6th graders in a Division II team against 6-8 grade kids. We placed 9th out of 12 which I think is excellent considering the team could not get the vehicle to actually function and had to push it across.

I hurt my back today...which is kinda funny since all I was doing was sitting down in a chair and the pain shot through me and the floor was at that point the most comfortable place in the house. I laid there a good 15 minutes before trying to climb onto the ottoman so my wife could laugh at my butt up in the air and me draped over the ottoman.

I am finding I am more tired these days as well. Hey, at least I still have my hair.

Brilliant

2009-04-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

At a meeting of the AARP (American Association of Retired People) they showed a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20 year old. The contest was Titled 'u @50'.So simple and yet so brilliant. Take a minute and watch it. Be sure to read along.

I just had to post it. Creative out of the box thinking...true or not.

Christmas Songs

2008-11-09T16:25:00.000-08:00

On November 1, I walked into a department store to help my daughter buy shoes for work and over the loud speakers I heard Christmas Songs. Did I mention it was November 1? I am not really a person to complain about Christmas songs as I am one of those people who will often stand in the middle of sporting goods singing at the top of my lungs "FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!!!" But when the songs start this early, by the time Christmas comes around, I will certainly be ready to throw every piece of sporting equipment in the store at the speakers.

Of course, it may be easier for everyone if they played Thanksgiving music...oh wait...no Thanksgiving songs. Mother's day, Father's day, Valentine's day, Christmas and Halloween all have songs appropriate for it. But Thanksgiving (and black Friday) get chumped by not having music appropriate for the holiday.

Let's think about this though, the Natives provided the unfortunate Pilgrims food and showed them how to harvest it. They all sat around a nice long table talking about how to co-exists only to be biochemically and physically neutralized within the following 50 years. That kinda places a damper on the song. Maybe a song about killing birds!

Won't the shopping season be fun?

Voting Day

2008-11-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

Today is voting day. The candidates are still fighting for votes and most people believe the fight is between Democrats and Republicans. In my opinion, the vote is about the issues.

The publicity of the Presidential race has made me come to a rapid realization... Who I vote for is my business. With all of the polling, marketing and emails I have received as of late, I feel the forced misrepresentation of both parties are really not in anyone's interest but the candidates. It is the continuous bashing I think.

So, I am going to make this as short as I can...

Go vote. I don't care for who...just vote for the person that best fits within your personal beliefs and qualifications. Tomorrow, this will all be over.

My View on This Economy

2008-10-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

A longer rant about another topic that I rarely talk about...but needed to be said.

The stock market has been wildly erratic and dropping. To most of the populous, this really has not meaning unless it starts affecting them directly. What means something to everyone is how much they pay in taxes, how much the bread, milk, toilet paper and gas costs, and how much money they make personally.

With unemployment rising, local and state governments running out of money, and the continued dollar falling, the citizen is beginning to feel the affects. Credit is harder to get. Houses are plentiful. Construction is down. Energy prices are rising.

People are stopping investing in the 401K plans and are sinking it into keeping the status quo, status quo. The holiday season is expected to see huge shortfalls thereby continuing the downward spiral. In a futile effort to regain consumer confidence and restore some political sponsors, the government is going to bail out the banks thereby inserting themselves into capitalism.

Now for my opinion...Stupid idea. The banks are in the banking business, the airlines are in the airplane business and the IT companies are in the IT business. The banks understood the risks and rewards from being a bank and charging exhorbitant fees to their customers for bad checks, annual fees, new checks and so forth. They in return take those fees, and your money and build big beautiful banks, invest in the stock market, and offer credit to people and companies knowing the risks.

This is business. Airlines fly planes knowing they need to make money and keep the planes maintained. IT companies know they need to stay up on technology in order to survive. The government needs to stay out of it. The economy will balance itself out. Bailing out the banks will just help the banks and insurance companies. If the government thinks that injecting money into banks is going to give more credit lines they are in the great delusion, not the great depression.

Ask youself this, if you gave a person or company a loan for $20 and the faulted on the loan, what are the odds that would give them another loan? What about $200,000 or $2,000,000? The bigger the loss the less likely that it will happen again. Banks fail. It has happened many times before and it will happen many times again. The governments solution is just a stop gap that we will feel much more further down the road as our deficit increases 700 billion dollars that we didn't have.

At what point will we pay the now 10 trillion dollars back? Where could the 700 billion be used better? During the great depression, I believe it was used on infrastructure, thereby creating jobs (construction specifically), increasing spending and increasing consumer confidence. How about creating domestic product? If you have ever looked at the back of anything you purchased, odds are 85% of everything you buy is made somewhere besides the USA.

The argument is that we already have an infrastructure in place. Yes...and No. Yes, a road infrastructure is in place thanks to the great depression, however, as many people of Minnesota can tell you, it needs repair. There is more to infrastructure than roads. Energy is now an infrastructure product. With the oil problems, maybe we should be focused on lowering energy cost, increasing renewable resources and building around a new energy infrastructure. There is good news with the 700 billion, 18 billion was earmarked for renewable energy tax credits...guess someone got that part.

There are still areas of the country that do not have a safe water supply, the government could be subsidizing those local and state governments to repair those water supplies. Provide advanced educational opportunities (another blog entry), spur local manufacturing, and create soy toilet paper.

As far as the stock market...people know the risks involved when they invest. The fact that some CEOs are having $500,000 bailout congratulatory parties after being help by YOU, the taxpaper, is beyond my understanding.

As far as what you can do about it...nothing. This will just add to the deficit, the companies are likely to close or be sold anyhow (since AIG is now asking for more government money), and the economy will continue to correct itself. Right, you read that correctly. This is a correction. As a nation, we overspent, we created a deficit, and we spent money we don't have.

At the bottom of this, I fully expect the tax rate to be higher, the deficit clock to slow or stop, people to spend money they actually have in savings, USA logos proudly displayed on products, and consumer confidence to rise again. The problem is, the economy (in my opinion) needs to continue falling. It has happened before, it will happen again.

Our House... is a Very Full House

2008-10-07T19:05:00.000-07:00

Even though the song read "Our house is a very, very, very fine house", our house is rapidly shrinking. If you have read any previous blog entries, you may know that my 20 year old daughter joined us here in Virginia after being away from us for 3 weeks.

Since then, we have been joined by the 18 year old waiting to enter the Navy. Our last house was 2600 square feet not counting the full basement. We now live in 1400 square feet total. When we moved here, we figured this was more than enough room for me, the Queen and the 5 year old. We even have swing space for a child to come visit.

Soon, the last of the "out of the house" children will be arriving here to stay with us until she and her boyfriend move into their own place. In the meantime, we are going to move into a slightly larger but better carved up townhouse in the community. It has a garage included. Soon after moving, the eldest will be moving out on her own again. The 18 year old is here until March. Needless to say, there will be a constant stream of adult children ebbing and flowing in the house.

But the 5 year old is the catalyst of this entry. Why and HOW is it the 5 year old can have the verbal acumen of some 20 somethings I know? Why is it she wants to have long winded conversations about everything from astrophysics to how the lint gets in her belly button? It is not really the fact that these conversations take place, but the fact they have to take place while I am in the middle of another conversation...

Is it illegal to duct tape a child? to a chair? Because is it not only the talking but the dancing. She will break out in some sort of kung fu ballet right in the middle of the library saying "look at me dance Daddy!"

Where do they get the energy? I am going to guess sleep. Since having very little myself lately, I find that the bags below my eyes have become more like a suitcase...and my general conversations become more like a rambling. You can probably tell. I personally think it is my defense to my daughter's long winded rambling. I need sleep.

The Walking Miracle

2008-09-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

A co-worker/friend of mine and his fiance were brutally attacked in Chicago celebrating her birthday. She was weeks away from getting medical insurance with a new job and they are asking for help. They put together a website about the story and donations:

http://www.thewalkingmiracle.com

Please help them if you can.

I have a few comments on this. The charges for this blatant attack on innocent people have been upgraded to attempted murder which is good. Unfortunately, taxpayers will be paying for their food, clothing, television, play time, bedding, housing, legal services, medical and dental care.

The people who committed the crime and placed the innocent woman in the hospital missing 14 teeth and nearly losing her life, get free health and dental care. Meanwhile the woman who nearly lost her life has over $100,000 in medical bills so far and will likely have another $100,000 added to it.

Well, of course that makes sense. Reward the criminal, persecute the victim. How messed up is a country that has this type of social health system. People who are bucking the idea of a social health care system need to wake up and realize, we already have one (actually more if you count the military) in place and it is working for the criminals instead of the people paying their taxes and working for a living. People can be productive members of society and earn minimum wage and not be able to afford healthcare at up to two times their weekly income.

Second, please send money, prayers and good juju to Joe and Jen. They need all of the help they can get.

Life and Death

2008-09-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

During lunch today, my Queen and I entered the discussion I have honestly been avoiding. The discussion comes down to bringing another life to this world and expanding our family, or not. Now, I normally do not discuss this type of stuff in my blog but I need to type my way through it all. There is a infinitesimally small possibility that my thought processes are wrong and I need to just expand the family.

First issue: I am rapidly approaching 42 years of age. When the child graduates from high school, I will have lived 60 years...if I make it that long. The next 18 years are the years my body will begin to break down from the abuse I have handed it over the past 42 years. The last thing I want to do is leave my not yet grown child without a parent much in the same way my father and my older kids mother did. I want to be able to live an active and fruitful life with my child.

Second issue: Mobility is something I have desired for quite some time. The ability to throw the family on a plane and take a trip to Bermuda or San Francisco is easy with only one child in tow. If I decide to take that job in Dublin, I want to be able to find housing to fit the entire family. Extra child means extra housing...and for that matter, added expense. Now that the 3 older children are pretty much on their own, we have a little bit of money to catch up on debts and get our financial affairs in order.

Third issue: What if the child is a boy? So far I have been fortunate enough to have all girls. With girls, I know what I am suppose to do. With boys, I haven't a clue. Yes, I understand that would a new learning experience and that is really what life is about, but when I am in my 50s, that same boy will want me to be active. When I was growing up, my step-father was well into his 60s and really didn't have the energy nor the physique to play basketball or throw the frisbee with me. I loved him dearly, but I felt as though I missed out on that portion of the relationship. Granted I will be 8 year junior to him during this process, but I still have to wonder.

Fourth issue: Where do we put the child? We have downsized so much that the one child that has moved back in with us until she get back on her feet is a bit of a crowd. The "guest room" would become the nursery...or we find a larger place, which I am not terribly keen about.

On the other hand, the Queen has made a few good points. She feels that I am not too old and that 60 is fine for men to be. "It is not like you will be 80." Additionally, she stated that it isn't fair to her that we go through the marriage in a monthly pattern of am-I-pregnant, I-think-I-am-pregnant, I-am-not-pregnant disappointment and that I should get a vasectomy. To be fair, she is right about that one. It is very selfish of me not to think that way.

She also made a couple arguments I discarded such as "I am bored" and "Your first wife had 3, why can't I?" For those my response is "take a class and get out of the house" and "I figured I would have a total of 3 kids."

Now, let me walk through each of my own issues.

First issue: I see plenty of people around me living fruitfully in their 50s. Medicine has extended the average lifespan to 83 years for men. With my wife's help, she will prod me into going to the doctor regularly to make sure I live another decade before she kills me off.

Second issue: With the price of transportation as a whole skyrocketing, the odds of us taking a jet weekend are slim. As far as taking a position in Dublin, it would matter if it were 1 child or 2 children to move internationally. On the money front, I am doing well with staying above the salary line, that will not change. Besides, all of the debt should be resolved by the time the baby is born.

Third issue: Deal with it. Your friend Bryan has 5 girls until he recently had a boy added to the clan. He is happy and looks forward to spending time with him. On a side note, I believe he is also 40 something. I am sure having a boy to carry on the Burkholder name will not be a bad thing either since I am the last one.

Fourth issue: The quick answer is to get the 20 year old out on her own. The 19 and 18 year old children have plans and are executing them successfully. The eldest said she would be on her own in November. Honestly, I think it will be February, but either way, it is before a baby.

How old is too old really? How nuts will I become if I have another little version of me? I know how much terror I provided my Mother. Is my own selfishness getting in the way of my wife's happiness? That would be the last thing I would want to do. I just don't know.

I decided to add this last tidbit after publishing... If the Queen just ended up getting pregnant, I would not have an issue, and I would actually embrace it. But the idea of planning out a family is the struggle I have most.

Also, found this while contemplating. (http://ask.metafilter.com/37116/How-old-is-too-old-to-father)

Hot topic today... Wall Street Journal (http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2008/09/12/too-old-to-be-a-father/?mod=hpp_asia_blogs)

7 Years Later

2008-09-11T05:27:00.000-07:00

Here I am 7 years after the September 11, 2001, and I am still dealing with what happened on that fateful day. The Queen is right though, most of America really has no idea how much of an impact it had on the people of New York, Washington, D.C, or Flight 93. I have written a previous blog entry about September 11. That one day changed my life in more ways than I could possibly imagine.

Normally, I do not work on September 11 out of respect for those who were lost. But today, I came to work. I guess it is my way of telling terrorist that I am no longer immobilized by the day itself. I have healed enough to move on and basically tell them to screw themselves.

On another note, why is it after 7 years and the occupation of two countries we have still not caught and terminated Osama Bin Laden? Why is it, the intelligence community that works so well at ensuring our security and liberties can't find the number 1 most wanted man in the world? Personally, if the country is willing to create laws to encroach on my civil liberties, I expect results on catching that bastard.

Yes, yes, I have moved on from shock, fear and somber to angry.

With the strongest military, the most advanced technology, and the highest amount of money spent in the world to occupy other countries and defend our own country, why is it we can't locate or at least find a particle of DNA?

After all, we are literally going broke with the creation of Homeland Security, the increased military spending, and the resulting decrease in socioeconomic spending. What happened to the days where congress was deadlocked because the budget wasn't balanced? How is it the "conservative" party has now become the largest spending party in American history? How is it the "liberal" party who wants to raise taxes and lower spending now has pie on their face because they need to make up for the spending habits of our current administration?

As a country, we are broke with a deficit of 9.695 Trillion dollars. What does that mean? It means we own other countries that much money. During the Clinton administration, for the first time, the deficit clock actually rolled backward. For this, the dollar climbed and was stronger overall in the world market. Whoa! I am way off topic.

As a country, we have yet to find the number 1 most wanted person.

As a country, we are in worse shape with petroleum than before the unprovoked attack on Iraq. Before invading Iraq, fuel prices were $1.82 per gallon. Wouldn't you love to see fuel back at that price? Exxon Mobil posted 40 Billion in profit last year. Chevron posted 16.7 Billion in profit last year. Think the oil companies are not doing well under the current administration? What ever happened to Enron in 2001? Kenneth Lay died of natural causes while vacationing in Colorado in June 2006 as a free man. He was convicted in May 2006. The company filed for bankruptcy, carved up the company and sold it off. Off topic again...sorry.

As a country, why do we feel more secure? Is it because we built a fence between the US and Mexico? Does anyone realize that the fence takes about 30 seconds to get through, over, or under? How about the proposed new fence bordering Canada? Since we have Mexican illegals building the Mexico fence, maybe we could get Canadian illegals to build the Canadian fence. While we are at it, let's build fences along the coastlines to prevent Bermudans and Chinese from boating their way into our country. After all, we don't want to start a melting pot effect. Do you feel more secure knowing the government is listening to all of your phones calls, reading all of your email, and monitoring the library books you check out? Do you feel more secure knowing that you can walk into a gun store and buy enough ammunition to defend yourself from the evil axis...and that your neighbor can go into the same store and buy enough ammunition to make a collection of pipe bombs so they can blow themselves up in the mall?

Yes, those are international terrorist. You can spot them and stop them. Well, not exactly. Ever heard of Timothy McVey? He was that friendly American fellow that leveled a building with a nursery in it in Oklahoma City.

I am NOT saying that Obama is the answer by any means. I am also not saying that McCain will make the necessary changes. I am not even saying this is a political discussion. I AM saying that as a country, we need to wake up and smell the jet fuel. These people lost their lives. As a country, if we believe we have resolved the issue of terrorism, we are under a great delusion. As a country, we need to take over a country for the people and by the people. It is not a revolution, but an evolution. Pay tribute to those who gave their lives.

New York City: 2,774 people
Pentagon: 184 people
Pennsylvania: 40 people

US Military since then: 4,741 people

Meetups

2008-09-08T19:46:00.000-07:00

Meetups is the term of choice now for social meetings or get-togethers. I personally don't care what it is called. My intent is to meet new people, have some fun, and try mixing my non-social personality with society. So far, I have been successful. I have not alienated anyone with my extreme geekyness.

One night a month my geek socializes with other geeks...except I was one of two people at the new technology meetup that was actually working in and on computers. Of the two of us, I was clearly the ubergeek...which is somewhat sad since Northern Virginia is considered a technology hot-spot. I had to ask them why they went to the meeting if they weren't really new technology gurus. Most often my responses were "I used to work in it" or "we recruit from here." So, I guess the idea of doing a presentation on Exchange 14 would really fall on a small or deaf audience. However, there was drinking involved and I did meet some great people.

As of tomorrow night, I will be attending my first Tuesday night bowling meetup. If you have read any previous posts, you will know I like to bowl. But for this particular meetup, I am not getting my hopes up. I will of course walk in with my bowling ball and shes, but I expect that the only people really attending will be people who like to play kickball or ultimate frisbee...not bowlers.

Now that every Tuesday and one Thursday a month is occupied, and the Queen is out every Wednesday, the week may actually go by rather quickly. It is not that I want to get away from my wife, but I need to have my own life. After the meetups, I actually have something to talk about.

If you are anything like my close friend, I suggest going to meetups.com and finding something to do. I am considering the karaoke meetup one time since it is right down the street.

Thin Walls

2008-09-02T17:04:00.000-07:00

We now live in an apartment that until last week, was incredibly sound-proof. The new "apartment" is really more a townhouse because we have multiple levels. We had neighbors downstairs who have recently moved out but honestly, we did not hear them and they said they didn't hear us.

We have a new neighbor next door on our 3rd level. We heard them move in and kept slamming what we thought was closet door against our wall.

Last night, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't the closet door. I believe it is the headboard. With the rhythmic vibrations of the wall shaking the pictures, I could hear them go at it. About 25 seconds in, the crescendo of moans and groans turned into screaming for an intense 5 seconds. That guy was definitely having a good time. I swear you could hear him screaming a block over.

This bring me to my point, if you are going to be a screamer, don't be a dude. If you are going to be a screamer, last longer than 30 seconds. If you are going to be a screamer, and headboard banger, move the bed away from the wall. I had to straighten the pictures after and I didn't even need a smoke.

The Queen and I have decided we are going to scream out coaching remarks next time... we are SUCH good neighbors. Remarks will sounds like:

SLOW DOWN!

TO THE LEFT!

THE OTHER LEFT!

SHE NEEDS TO MOAN LOUDER!

HARDER, FASTER!

right before climax... MORE, MORE MORE!

Clap after climax...and get dirty looks every time they walk outdoors. Won't this be fun?

Man of the house...HA!

2008-08-12T04:23:00.000-07:00

Being the man of the house and currently the sole provider of income, I find there are times in my day that I need to clean out my blockages of the brain and have a healthy bowel movement. We have 3 bathrooms (2 1/2 if you are a realtor) and for some reason, I am not allowed to poop in any of them.

THEY are allowed to poop in them and THEY make the adjacent rooms stink when they do. How fair is that? I am courteous and turn on the fan, spray the anti-poop-smell spray, and yet, the Queen throws a fit if I have to Crap in the Crapper (named after Thomas Crapper, making the flush toilet a household item). The cat is even allowed to drop a load in the downstairs bathroom.

I am the man of the house! Hear me roar! I have made some concessions with all of the women in the house. I do not leave the seat up. I turn on the fan. I spray the girlie smell-good stuff in the air. Seriously, do they think their shit don't stink? The women will even let off a fart at the dinner table...or in the van...or in Target. They will do it and keep walking waiting for me to walk through the luminescent green cloud. Not cool!

You know if I let off a fart at the dinner table, the Queen would claim that I made her throw up from the smell...oh...wait...I did do that...but that was in bed so it doesn't count. At least I didn't pull the covers over her head.

I tried teaching them a lesson by dropping an air biscuit at the dinner table once, but it had no affect and they laughed. Doe anyone know how to get them to stop...and let me poop in any of the bathrooms I choose?

Maybe I should make a sign...

8-8-08

2008-08-08T06:25:00.000-07:00

Today is the lucky day. Need to buy a lottery ticket for tonight.

The word for "eight" (八，捌) in Mandarin (Pinyin: bā) sounds similar to the word which means "prosper" or "wealth" (发 - short for "发财", Pinyin: fā). In regional dialects the words for "eight" and "fortune" are also similar, eg Cantonese "baat" and "faat".

There is also a resemblance between two digits, "88", and the shuang xi ('double joy'), a popular decorative design composed of two stylized characters 喜 (xi, 'joy', 'happiness').

Telephone number 8888-8888 was sold for USD$270,723 in Chengdu, China.

The Summer Olympics in Beijing are scheduled to open on 8/8/08 at 8:08:08pm

Lets look at it from a numerologists perspective.
8+8+2008

8+8 = 16 = 1+6 = 7
2+0+0+8 = 10 = 1+0 = 1
7+1= 8

That makes it an 8 day

Eight is the number of material success or failure. The number of Karma. Eight has to work hard, and often needs to do the same thing over before success is achieved. The Eight is a strong number, with the will, focus and drive to achieve its goals.

The historic Christian Church has traditionally associated the Number 8 with the entrance into the Covenant of God. This understanding comes from God Himself who commanded Circumcision - the Sign of the Covenant - to be performed on the Eighth Day. God used the same language - pic (Oath B'rit, Sign of the Covenant) - when He gave the Rainbow (Genesis 9.13):

I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.

The command to circumcise all male children was obeyed by Joseph and Mary after the Birth of Jesus (Luke 2.21):

And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb.

The contextual connection between the Number 8 and the Name of Jesus is amplified in this, one of the greatest alphanumeric identities linking the Greek and Hebrew languages to each other and the central doctrine of historic Christianity:

Jesus The Salvation of our God

lesous = 888 = Yeshoth Elohenu

The Resurrection of Jesus Christ is the ultimate new beginning. In the perfect Wisdom of God, it occurred on Sunday, simultaneously the First Day and the Eighth Day of the Week. It is the temporal equivalent of the Octave, established from the foundation of the World to teach us forever the glory of the resurrected Lord of the Universe.

There are seven days before the infinite loop of 7 days.

I hope you day is as lucky as my own.

Chiropractor

2008-08-06T16:19:00.000-07:00

Eddie Izzard is correct. It is a very long word in Scrabble and very impressive when displayed on the board.

My Queen and I have been visiting a chiropractor regularly to fix some aches and pains provided by our diet, lack of exercise, and genetics. We came across the good doctors at a street fair in Reston and he had this fancy electrocuting spinal alignment and dissentigration machine. He took one zap at my neck and said I was about to fall over because my head is too big. I blame my huge brain...

My Queen also was cooked by the portable electric chair thing and figured she may as well join me on the merry visit.

After doing a little research and finding out that the insurance company no longer thinks that chiropractors are closely related to miracle water salesmen, I went to my first appointment and had them xray me from stem to stern. They ran a battery of test to include finding out that I have no reflexes in my right ankle (Didn't realize I could have reflexes in my ankles), and fed me the results on the second visit. The doctor was kind enough to explain things in snail terms so I could understand and we agreed to move forward.

The third visit was really the first real visit in my book because that is when the good doctor "adjusted" me. The visit started with a warm towel wrapped around my neck and laying down on a full body massage table while staring up at the ceiling where there happened to be two monitors providing minutes of chiropractic trivial pursuit style question and answers. At the sound of the belll instead of coming off the table swinging, I simply said "damn." That was sooooo relaxing. I have to get one of those!

Moving into an examing room the doctor explained that this will not hurt and not to be scared. Is it me or when you hear words like that you automatically kick into the "oh, crap what have I gotten myself into" mode? He popped my neck in every direction about 50 times and then proceeded down the back along the spine. He placed me precariously on the edge of the table with one leg over the edge, the other leg behind my head, my right shoulder under the table the left shoulder facing the table and then he proceeded to jump off the ropes with his cape streaming in the air and body slammed me to produce the last needed pop to end the first session.

No...it actually didn't hurt. But do you know those moments when you moved in a certain way and you heard something happen but you are afraid to move because now it may hurt? That is exactly how it felt...the whole session. I actually walked out feeling really good. Next appointment 2 days later.

The following day however, my muscles were revolting. The good doctor warned me about it but I didn't realize the impact. So after they manage to straighten you out a little and loosen up the joints, the muscles want to put them back to where the muscles got used to it. So the muscles are fighting for supremacy. Damn the muscles. Down with the muscles!

A day later, another sumo wrestling match, more pops, and I am back to Dr. Feelgood. Can you get addicted to to popping? It is almost like..I have a headache, pop the back; I have a stomach ache, pop the back; I have a gall stone, pop the back; my arm is severed off, pop the back. It just feels sooo good.

Now though, we have moved into the exercises and traction stage. Move you head back 53mm 20 times a day for 10 seconds each. We will then place a 12 pounds weight on a sling and strap is to your head and throw it over the edge of the table. How much fun is that?

Well, I have to go do my exercises. I have another cracking tomorrow to prep for. Now what do I need popped?

Backup and Restore using Sharepoint Designer

2008-08-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

There are several errors that may occur when trying to restore a site using SharePoint Designer. "Cannot find ... exportsettings.xml" is the most common error. This is caused by SharePoint Designer stopping after the first of the exported cmp files is expanded and the software not picking up from the second file and continuing.

So far, Microsoft has missed the boat on this fix. It appears the Sharepoint Designer simply doesn't continue the extract (/a) switch when assembling the cmp file for download. I have seen some workarounds out of the web, but they are tedious especially for large sites. Here is what we have managed to come up with...

To back up a site, you must have administrator permissions for that site, but you do not require administrative access to the server that is running Windows SharePoint Services 3.0.

Go to: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/310618 and download and install to the directory c:\cabsdk.

Create a subfolder c:\cabssdk\bin\SharePointBackup and create a c:\cabsdk\bin\SharePointBackup\temp folder

On your SharePoint Site, create a document library named SharePoint Temp

In SharePoint Designer, on the File menu, click Open Site.

In the Open Site dialog box, browse to and click the Web site that you want to back up, and then click Open.

On the Site menu, point to Administration, and then click Backup Web Site.

In the Backup Web Site dialog box, to include all subsites of the current Web site in the backup, select the Include subsites in archive check box.

Click Advanced, enter the SharePoint Temp document library within the site for temporary file storage, and then click OK. Note: Backing up a Web site requires a location to store temporary backup files.

In the Backup Web Site dialog box, click OK.

In the File Save dialog box, select the location where you want to store the .cmp file. Note: this part is not important as you will be creating the .cmp file manually.

In the File name box, type the name for the file, and then click Save. Note: If the site that you are backing up or restoring is large, the process can take quite a while.

Go to your SharePoint site recycling bin and locate the files it created (there may be more files if the site is bigger) and restore those files.

Using My Network Places, open the Sharepoint site and the temp document library. Copy down ALL .cmp files. The snt file is not necessary.

Determine which file it the first file of the cabinet files by sorting by name. It should be the top cmp file. This will be your firstcabfilename.cmp

Open a Command line to the c:\cabsdk\bin directory. Run the following command without quotes “extract /e /a c:\cabsdk\bin\sharepointbackup\firstcabfilename.cmp /l c:\cabsdk\bin\sharepointbackup\temp”

At the command prompt to the directory c:\cabsdk\bin and run “cabarc N SharePointRestore.cmp SharePointBackup\temp\*.*” (without quotes) Note: SharePointBackup\*.* should actually reflect the complete path to the subfolder you created and dumped the extracted files.

Using SharePoint Designer, with the destination site open, on the Site menu, point to Administration, and then click Restore Web Site. Note: You MUST restore to a blank site.

In the File Open dialog box, browse to and click the c:\cabsdk\bin\SharePointRestore.cmp file, and then click Open.

If the site that you are backing up or restoring is large, the process can take quite a while.

Matchmaking

2008-06-12T15:55:00.000-07:00

As a habit, I tend to steer away from matchmaking people. Fact is, the last time I tried it, they ended up getting married and moved to California. So... I have a very good friend in Virginia we will call 007. He as all of the toys 007 has. He has the computerized home 007 has. He has the vehicles with every possible gadget including missile launchers, and stealth technology that 007 has. He is considerably more geek than 007 but once you know him, he is one of the best friends a person can have.

I have mentioned to him that he needs to date. He is creeping up on 40 and is still single. He is extremely non-social making it nearly impossible for contact with any other people. I don't think he is asexual, but it has been so long for him that I believe he may need to turn on the 007 homing beacon to find it.

So...what are my options to help out my introverted techno-weenie friend? I could introduce him to someone, but I really don't know that many single women here.I have seriously considered posting a Craigslist ad for him to get him going. I sometimes wonder if that stuff works. What would the ad say?

Wanted: living non-bed-ridden female that can talk as fast as my friend and can draw him out of his shell without hurting him... (hmm...not a bad start)

My friend is shy, balding, slightly larger than most men, and fiscally secure (I used fiscally to weed out the not-so-smart ones). He would never do this himself but as his friend I feel it is my obligation to make sure he can live life to the fullest and realize exactly what he is missing, good and bad. He is average height and slightly overweight. He is honest and not afraid of commitment. His view of the perfect woman has changed as he has aged and he has finally reached the point where women of nearly every ethnicity and build are an option (although he does like the shorter, athletic ones).

My friend is not opposed and actually may like making a family, but isn't keen on inheriting a family and all of the baggage associated with it. His life has been working and now he is ready to slow down, and settle down with the right woman. The right woman cannot be afraid to have a conversation and cannot take offense to his view points. The right woman can agree to disagree. The right woman must have a modicum of intelligence and preferably in some sort of business profession. (Seems my wide open ad narrowed down in a hurry).

My friend likes...no...loves computers, gadgets, and the newest technology. He likes movies, bowling, and socializing in a bar/restaurant with friends although he rarely drinks and will leave after only an hour or so. If he had a chance to socialize more, I am sure he would do so. He will go to a sporting event if several other coworkers are going as well, but he really doesn't follow sports. He has been know to go to Vegas once or twice a year, and loves to travel if he has someone to travel with...otherwise, he will stay home.

If you are looking for someone to do things with and ease into a relationship, he is your man. If you live alone somewhere near Ashburn, VA, let him know by replying to this ad. Do NOT send pictures of your penis, it will just piss him off. Pictures of Boobs are always welcome. (Have you ever read a Craigslist ad? You have to put in that disclaimer).

This was not the only option I was considering, just the one that may get a bite and won't require his credit card to post an ad.

Moving...

2008-06-10T16:59:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed, my weather bar on the right hand side has changed from having two locations (Herndon, VA and Plainfield, IL) to a single location. No women, I am not available so quit asking.

My Queen has been selling and packing. Packing and selling. We are leaving Illinois my three older children, and the Queen and the youngest are joining me in Virginia. This Friday will be my last flight for some time to Chicago, and Sunday will be my last drive from Chicago for quite some time. We are leaving the monstrous house with a monstrous yard and a homeowners assholciation and moving back into a much smaller townhouse in a nice community with 2 pools, fitness center, bocce ball court (whatever that is), and tennis court. We are EXTREMELY close to my office (1.3 miles) and shopping and restaurants are across the road. Mass transportation is outside the gate. The movies are 1.7 mies away. It ROCKS.

The Queen has long been putting off moving back closer to her family to avoid mental turmoil and the possible near death experiences her Mother could face. Probably good to wait for Syd to graduate too. CONGRATS SYD! But after she realized that her Mother would still be 2 hours away from us and we don't have a place big enough for our stuff AND her, the Queen began to be excited. My Queen is actually from Washington DC so this would be like coming home for her.

What about my dreams and previous blog entries? Funny you should ask... I am actually great. This will be a very different time with my wife. We have always had three children while living in Virginia. Now we will only have one, portable, adventurous child. We also have tremendously reduced expenses by moving which will hopefully mean more vacation travel.

I will miss the older kids. Terribly. But I know Squirrel Girl is fine, Winter Wolf will always find her way in the pack, and as long as Syd stays focused on her path, she will excel. As a Dad, I hope they call me once in a while. As a realist, I may get an email for my birthday...

Soooo, that catches up my life.

Youtubing

2008-05-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

OK...

I was youtubing beerchastra when that little pop up thing popped up about this boy. So I watched as...as you do. This could weaken anyone.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Plants

2008-05-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

I am sure many of you have heard of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), but I have decided it is time in this greenhouse gassed world to create an organization for the rights of the plants. The people for the ethical treatment of plants is the countermeasure for killing the oxygen generating, carbon dioxide reducing plants we all know and love.

I am sure the are vegetarians and vegans out there who would argue with me about the rights of plants vs. animals, but honestly, which is really helping the environment? Is it the methane producing cows, or the green leafy lettuce plant? Yes, I am sure they veggies killers are thinking to themselves that the plant will grow back in a year or so. Maybe it will, and maybe it won't. As the temperature of the Earth continues to warm, certain plants are dying off.

Why am I the one person standing up for plants? Because these plants are alive just as much as the chicken that is not smart enough to turn up the leaves to catch the water instead of looking up at the sky and drowning. Dead animals also create carbon emissions...unless of course, they are eaten by the humans trying to turn the world into a green place once again.

Eat those cows, chickens and pigs. It is the green thing to do. Stop using vegetable oil and start using all natural, organic lard. Help reduce the population of cows in India (a sacred animal there that has become a nuisance).

As the founding member of PETP, I ask for meat eaters to unite against the hypocritical tree-hugging plant eaters and tell them you have had enough! Throw that head of cabbage into the yard to seed and break out that pork loin. Tell your congressman that ethanol is NOT the answer but is a cause to the greenhouse effect. Solar power, wind power, and any left over animal methane can be used to power our vehicle and power plants.

I am off to go eat my bacon cheeseburger (no vegetables of course). It's just my little bit to help the Earth.

Good Food and the Clean Plate Club

2008-05-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

Good food is my downfall. Once I find something I really enjoy eating, I will certainly take in as much as humanly possible thereby defying the law of physics, anatomy, and biology. It is truly amazing how MANY of the Red Lobster garlic cheese biscuits I can cram into my body and still have room for the fried flounder with rice pilaf.

During my childhood, it was stressed that people all over the world were starving to death and that I need to eat ALL of the food on your plate because I was basically taking food out of their mouth and throwing it away. Wow, talk about you guilt trip. Thus, the overeater began. During my childhood and early twenties, overeating never presented a challenge or an issue as my metabolism was very high. Now I am 40, rarely exercise, and can actually down MORE food than my twenties.

This makes it very difficult when I am trying to lose weight. I love good food. I have NO problem finishing off the plate. I travel continuously. Fast food is a staple. Sodas are another form of energy. I have tried to exercise regularly, eat within my calorie limit, and take make lunch to the office. But in my new work environment where nearly every lunch hour is away from the office...but still working, it is very hard to keep the urge to scarf down that Fuddruckers 1/2 pound bacon cheeseburger.

I have been using Sparkpeople for over a year now and I managed to lose 20 pounds. I just fall off of that wagon, over and over again. Then, the wagon backs up. There is no real point to this entry except for the fact that I need to realize and fight the urge to eat ALL of the food on my plate...and to force myself to get my arse out there and get some exercise.

I Don't Like Spiders

2008-05-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

So, my Queen has a HUGE fear of snakes. If she sees a snake, she will run screaming at the top of her lungs in any direction (walls not stopping). I personally do not have a fear of snakes. I can see them and I try not to bother them. In my mind snakes can be handled and are no big deal.

One of the people I work with we call Green Card has a huge fear of flying cockroaches. Cockroaches in general disturb me, to have them flying around would definitely add them to my fear list. To have cockroaches flying up and landing well, anywhere gives me the creeps.

But a couple nights ago, my fear of spiders took over and disturbed me long after. I was actually in a deep sleep when at 3:00AM I was awaken by a small critter crawling up my bare leg in bed. Without being fully awake, my hand took over and in one sweep moved the large brown hairy spider with white stripes from my leg to the bed next to me as it stared at me with it's hundred eyes. I grabbed my blackberry off the bed next to me a flicked the spider to the floor where I proceeded to pummel it thoroughly. When I felt it was equally tranquilized by the 25 beatings from the handheld device, I beat it again to the point of no return.

After a few minutes of pounding and having every light in the room on while I searched for any mates of the arachnid, I attempted to put my head back down, turn off the lights and go back to sleep.

Here is the problem. Once I have a spider crawl on your bare skin, I feel like EVERYTHING that touches me from that point on is another damn spider. I continue lifting the blankets and checking for spiderlings and try to fall asleep while holding completely still. I attempt to convince myself that what I just felt move was a hair on my leg. I hate when that happens.

The following day as I am as tired as a person who was woke up at 3:00AM, I walk out the door and through a spider web (another one of my favorite feelings). The house is a bit out in the woods so some spiders are expected...OUTSIDE the house. I figure if they come into my domain, I have a right to defend myself.

The following night, I was still a bit freaked out and left the night on all night so I could see them as soon as I wake up. That didn't work well either...ends up the light being up kept me from sleeping all night.

The Queen and I disagree about spiders vs. snakes. She states snakes are sneaky and mean and eat people. I state spiders you don't see coming, are mean and eat people. "But look at that big snake on Harry Potter" she says. "Did you NOT see the spiders in Harry Potter?" I respond.

I realize that this highly intellectual and fact filled discussion doesn't really provide the facts as I would normally produce, but look at the argument...it is spiders and snakes.

To Fetch a Pail of...Pee?

2008-04-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

I have a story I want to share to all of the boys and girls out there in Internetland. This one deals with me...and my Mother-in-law (MIL) that I live with in Virginia.

Every morning I have a set schedule to prepare for work. I have two alarm clocks to make sure I do not oversleep my 6:00 start time. I lay in bed for about 2 minutes while my eyes figure out how to open before venturing through the hallway to the shared single bathroom (this is an important part) with clean underwear and pants in hand.

I close the bathroom door, turn on the fan and promptly sit down for my first morning pee. Afterwards, I turn on the shower to broil and hop in. 10 minutes later, I am back out and dried. I put on deodorant, brush my teeth, shave (if necessary), wash my face and do the hair cream thing to spike my hair slightly. I put on my pants and exit. I finish dressing in my room, pack my laptop, grab any dishes or trash and drop them in the kitchen.

This day threw me off though. The trash can is in the kitchen near the back door. The dog was gone, but the was a puddle of water on the ground just to the left of the trash can. The house is old so I started looking for leaks on the ceiling. I looked up. I looked down. I looked behind the trash can thinking there was a liquid leaking. I looked by the door wondering if rain had been pushed in. I again looked at the ceiling. Not really seeing the leak and figuring the water was spilled or something, I shrugged my shoulders and continued on to work.

After flying home for the weekend, my wife gave me the details that happened while I was in the shower.

I woke up and went into the bathroom. The MIL woke up after I turned on the fan. She apparently had to pee very badly and really needed coffee since she was already a half hour behind her schedule. She had a choice of going into the bathroom while her Son-in-law was behind the curtain to use the toilet, or the final result, pee in a bucket. She did and afterward proceeded to get her coffee.

It wasn't until she saw me standing there in front of the trash can measuring the ceiling that she realized what had happened. She missed...the bucket.

My MIL asked my wife not to tell me about it. But after asking me about the pee on the floor, she just couldn't hold back. Now...I will make subtle comments about the "leak" in the kitchen not letting her know that I know what you now know. How much fun will THAT be? It is a damn good thing I didn't grab a paper towel and clean up the wet spot.

Getting the Finger

2008-04-23T14:52:00.000-07:00

For years I have been getting the finger. This is often a case of someone extremely pleased with my driving and passive aggressive demeanor toward the intellectually challenged. It may be a case of the very helpful teenage youth talking on her cell phone to her VERY best friend behind the counter of the restaurant I just happen to be standing in, waiting for her to look at me to take my order, and me talking at a rather high volume to make sure she can hear me over her other conversation. That is when I am told that I am number 1 in her heart.

I lick the side of my cup very slowly and slowly suck on the straw in response.

I feel so loved.

Now, my wife is insistent that I go get the finger from someone else. This time there will not be any witty repartee, no exchange of glances, no passive aggressive glances. This time, I will have to hum to myself to calm myself from the impending and unwanted finger of a grown man with a latex glove standing behind me.

I realize that now that I have passed the 40 mark that this is a preventative measure that could very well save my life. But there really isn't ANY fun in the thought of having my exit only turned into a two way street. I suppose I could go ahead and have the camera snake thingy run up there, but since the idea of the one finger doesn't appeal to me, I am SURE the 6 foot camera will not make me thrilled.

This is important. I get that. This is something that EVERY MAN should do. It doesn't mean I have to like it.

Small Town Impact Question

2008-03-26T17:49:00.000-07:00

So the real question is, if the small town grows, will it lose the character that makes it appealing in the first place?

Let me start from the beginning. I grew up in a small town in the middle of Illinois called Clinton. The town has a town square, restaurants owned by the locals, three car dealerships (Ford, Chevy, Chrysler) and the major source of income is the nuclear power plant about 7 miles out of town. There are four cities around Clinton. Bloomington to the North 25 minutes, Decatur to the South 25 minutes, Champaign and Springfield are 45 minutes East and West. Basically, if you drew a line on the North and South, East and West, you would place it on Clinton.

Clinton has history. Abraham Lincoln made the statement, “you can fool some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time” on Clinton’s town square in front of the courthouse. Abraham practiced law there as well.

Clinton was also known for being the home of RevereWare copper bottom pans and skillets. When Corning purchased Revere, they shut down the plant and moved manufacturing to Asia. If you have older RevereWare, look on the bottom. Every pan made had Clinton, Ill stamped on it.

Now, besides the power plant, the economy of the town is somewhat depressed. Not as bad as other small towns, but it has definitely seen better days.

I am having a recurring dream of moving home and taking over as the Chamber of Commerce director, an entrepreneur, or just using my contacts to change the economics of the town. I am sure I know what needs to be done, and in my dream, I move things forward toward accomplishing everything. Clinton becomes the hot spot for recreation, entertainment, food, and shopping with that Victorian town feel.

The Magill House would be renovated to become a 200 room Victorian suites hotel. The old Spurgeons building would become my new media store. The Clintonia theater was rebuilt as a dinner theater / conference center with all new equipment. Out on the edge of town by the high school was the largest indoor and outdoor waterpark and hotel owned by Kalahari. Next to is it the 10 theater movie with 1 IMAX screen. Across the street lies the Central Illinois civic center, playing top music, plays, comics and such.

Out toward the North end of town, a specialized technology school would be erected specifically with personal growth in mind. Much like the military, schooling would be free. However, you would be locked into a 2, 3, or 4 year contract at a lower than market pay with the company. The company would be responsible for developing software, system monitoring and managing of computer networks. This is to compete with the India and China based companies. In depressed economies, this is a perfect way to compete.

Housing would also go through updates. Staying with the Victorian themes, light housing would be rebuilt as English Row townhomes. Large Victorian house style apartment buildings would be erected. Part of the problem with small towns is the age categories. Advancements in education, additions of culture, and increased area revenue will bring more business and money to the area.

But the important question that keeps lingering in my mind and is usually the cause for me remembering a dream (I rarely remember dreams) is, if the small town grows, will it lose the character that made it appealing in the first place? I have to wonder if bringing all of these changes will make the small town feel disappear. If that happens, is it a good thing? One of the reasons, I want to stick with Victorian houses is because there are so many already in Clinton. I want to bring progress to the town, but at what cost?

When I was young, I still I could ride my bike anywhere in town and my Mother would always know exactly where I was. If growth took over, the doors around town would start getting locked, the children wouldn’t be able to go anywhere in town and still be within reach by a two-way handheld radio. Cruising the square as a teenager would not be a social activity. They would all have jobs and most often be working.

Hairscut

2008-03-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

For years the Queen has been telling me that I look younger with my hairs cut short. I am one of those people who only gets my hairs cut when it impedes my life. This is much like going to the doctor or dentist, neither of which I would willingly want to go to. For me though it is not the pain of hearing every single hair scream in horror as the clippers get closer to my scalp, it is the fact that I am spending money to have hair cut.

Back to my reason for the blog entry...I had my hairs cut. Hairs...off to another tangent. OK, so if you have more than one hair, it is hairs. But one article of lower body clothing is a pair of pants. Huh? If someone could explain how the plurals of each ended up reversed, I would certainly appreciate it.

Let's try this again...So my removal of 3/4 of my hairs on my head...another tangent. Why is it grown men will wax themselves? Is it just for vanity? Have men become so vain that they feel that they need to cause extreme bodily harm to themselves? Granted, being Native American, there is not a lot of body hair on me. But even if there was, I am not sure I would EVER wax my chest... WHOA...KELLY CLARKSON!

Last time...After the removal of my hair, I often hear from my wife about how much younger I look. From a persons wife, you should hear things like this. I often wonder if she is saying it just to make me feel better for paying all of that money to have someone take clippers to my head, or if she genuinely feels that I look younger.

It wasn't until the COO of my company walked up to me after coming back from a trip and made notice of my shaven head. It was the first part of the day and his comment was in the range of "wow, shortened it up a bit?" I confirmed his findings and nothing else was said about it. It wasn't until the end of the day that what he said actually made an impact..."I need to go get a haircut. You look so much younger with your haircut."

What? OK, I realize that my Queen has been telling me this repeatedly, but it seems to be quite different when it comes from someone of your own sex...and heterosexual. Why? How is it that his simple statement can make that much of a difference? Is it because it was unexpected? Is it because he expects nothing in return for his statement and gave it freely? Maybe.

Thursday Water Cooler Conversations

2008-03-20T05:32:00.000-07:00

In this all important time of debates and discussions concerning Presidential prospects, the anniversary of the war in Iraq, and American Idol contestants, the most important debate of all rages once a year as we approach the Easter weekend.

Cadbury Eggs or Peeps?

Personally, I cannot stand the Cadbury egg. This is mostly due to the "yolk" feeling somewhat like snot running down the back of my throat. Texture is important to my gag reflex and that is one texture I can't deal with. Add that feeling to oysters and cream of wheat.

As for the Peeps, how sweet is too sweet? Fancy marshmallows covered in iridescent colored sugar. My kids have always had Peeps and love them. I just can't do it. I may as well pour an entire bag of sugar into my mouth.

What is it that comes around every year around Easter that just makes the holiday proper? Those EVIL Girl Scouts pushing the cookies on every corner like it was crack cocaine. That trans-fatty goodness is addicting and every year when I promise myself that I will walk to the back door of the grocery store to avoid being assaulted by the banner waving cookie dealers, I still end up losing the war with the parents coming INTO my work place offering it up like the dealer on the school grounds.

Thin mints, Do-Si-Dos, Trefoils, and now they have those Lemon Creme Filled Cookies. Yes, they are more expensive than the grocery store version of the same cookie. But the grocery store is not shoving it into my face with a Girl Scout song.

As I look at my cases of cookies around the room, I have to think about how this does not help me lose the weight I am desperately trying to lose. So...anyone want a box of Girl Scout cookies? I will even sing a song with it.

Happy Valentine's Day my Queen

2008-02-14T14:40:00.000-08:00

My wife is into music and wants me to make her a CD of my favorites for our anniversary (coming shortly). So for my valentine's day present, I decided that I HAD to dedicate some songs:

The first is my slightly edited and twisted version of Timbaland's The Way I Are.

The Way I Are

(feat. QueenSuchandSuch)

[Verse 1: N8ivWarrior]
I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers
But together we'll be the perfect soulmates
Talk to me girl

[Bridge: QueenSuchandSuch]
Oh, baby, it's alright now, you ain't gotta flaunt for me
If we go there, you can still touch my love, it's free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out 'til we get it right

[Chorus: QueenSuchandSuch & (N8ivWarrior)]
Baby if you strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are
(I'm about to strip and I want it quick
Can you handle me the way you are?)
I don't need the cheese or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are
Let me see ya strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like, I like, I like

[Verse 2: N8ivWarrior]
I ain't got no Visa
I ain't got no Red American Express
We can't go nowhere exotic
It don't matter 'cause I'm the one that love you best
Talk to me girl

[Bridge 2: QueenSuchandSuch]
Oh, baby, it's alright now, you ain't gotta flaunt for me
If we go there, you can still touch my love, it's free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out 'til we get it right

[Chorus: QueenSuchandSuch & (N8ivWarrior)]
Baby if you strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are
(I'm about to strip and I want it quick
Can you handle me the way you are?)
I don't need the cheese or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are
Let me see ya strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are

[Verse 3: N8ivWarrior]
Baby girl, I don't got a huge ol' house I rent a room in yo mommas house
Listen baby girl, I ain't got a motorboat but I can float ya boat
So listen baby girl, once you get a dose of me you gon' want some mo'
So listen baby girl, when I make it I want you back, want you back, yeah

That song seemed so appropriate, but not exactly romantic on this Hallmark of holidays. Romance to me can be expressed in so many different ways. The first is the shock and awe romance where you are astonished by how wonderful and beautiful the other person is and can't believe every single day how lucky you are that she would still hang around with, let alone love a person like me.

Paralyzer

I hold on so nervously
To me and my drink
I wish it was cooling me
But so far, has not been good
It’s been shitty
And I feel awkward, as I should
This club has got to be
The most pretentious thing
Since I thought you and me
Well I am imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

Well I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

I hold out for one more drink
Before I think
I’m looking too desperately
But so far has not been fun
I should just stay home
If one thing really means one
This club will hopefully
Be closed in three weeks
That would be cool with me
Well I’m still imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

Well, I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

We’ll, I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

But after nearly 10 years with my Queen, I have to say there is one song by Sum 41that seems to wrap up everything in a tight little box.

With Me

I don't want this moment
To ever end
Where every thing's nothing, without you
I wait here forever just to,
To see you smile
Cause it's true
I am nothing without you

Through it all
I've made my mistakes
I'll stumble and fall
But I mean these words

[Chorus]

I want you to know
With everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
And I'll hold on to this moment you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken
Forever and know
Pieces of memories
Fall to the ground
I know what I did and how so
I won't let this go
Cause it's true
I am nothing without you

On the streets, where I walked alone
With nowhere to go
I've come to an end

[Chorus]

In front of you're eyes
It falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of you're eyes
It falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find
(What you will find [x4])

I don't want this moment
To ever end
Where every thing's nothing, without you

[Chorus x2]

My Queen, Every Thing is Nothing, Without You.

Wet Wheels

2007-12-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

It seems my truck does not like humidity, fog, and rain. I am still here in the office because, I can't leave. For some reason knowing only to the God Fordian, when it is humid at all, my truck will not start. As soon as the humidity drops below the acceptable level, it turns right over.

This is not the only issue Fordian has thrown at me... I also do not have brake lights. This makes driving much more interesting as I really do not want people slamming into the back of my pick-up and adding yet another dent or scratch to the pristine 1994 military-painted white exterior. So of course, I am a thinking man and thought out how exactly to make people think that it really is a stick shift vehicle and I am simply downshifting to slow to a stop.

How clever am I? I even bring my arm down from the back of the seat to LOOK like I am reaching for the stick. Seriously, I really think of this stuff. I brake in the typical downshift slow quickly but ease up on the roll matter.

I fully realize I need to fix the brake lights and I have even performed my expert troubleshooting procedures. I looked for open wires, changed light bulbs and determined without a doubt that it WASN'T the bench seat causing the problem. Honestly, I would take it to the shop if it weren't for the fact I am always working during the day in Virginia...and my truck won't start in the rain.

So...it looks like it will be a long night here at the office. Good thing I have a bag full of clean clothes.

Dysthymia and Cliff Notes

2007-12-04T13:29:00.000-08:00

I am broken...but in the process of being fixed. I didn't realize how broken I was until it was to the point that my Queen pointed it out directly. For most of my life I have been fairly unemotional. This was basically my technique of toughening up. Shut off all emotion...all... happiness, sadness, everything.

Why? I think it may go all the way back to my birth. I am adopted. Given up by my birthmother. How does this affect my disposition? Well, it is the belief of many that adoptees become one of two type of people: Overachievers and Underachievers. I fall into the overachiever category. Basically they either have something to prove or give up on life. That was strike one.

I was adopted by a loving family. At 6 years old, my father committed suicide in the car in the garage. At 12 years old my older brother removed himself from existence by means of shotgun. Upon graduating high school, instead of going to college I joined the Air Force for 4 years. I had scholarships for music but determined that music was not a career...so I took 4 years to determine what I wanted to be. Instead, the Air Force gave me my career in information technology. I found and married my first wife in the Air Force and we founded 3 beautiful girls.

We had good time and bad times through the marriage up until the point she became sick. Since we now lost her income, I had to "skip the crick" to DC to get enough money to subsidize the loss of income. She went through surgery and they managed to remove it all. Later, she determined that I needed to start dating and she taught me how. A year later, a plastic bag ended her life. This was the spiral of the depressive funk.

The Queen managed to pull me out of the funk but I was not the same still. Another suicide. That is what kept running through my head. My life became motions...work, sleep, work, sleep. I felt as if I was not getting anywhere and I would never really be happy. After nearly losing my Queen, I went to see the shrink.

After the Celexa and hour long talks, the conclusion was Dysthymia. Things are much better and I have plans. The hopelessness has gone to the wayside and the new hope has emerged. I have finally come to realize that other people's actions does not mean that it is a lack of love for me...it is their issues.

A Little Catching Up

2007-12-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

I realize it is winter and I normally will blog until my fingers bleed, but I have been busy working and flying and sleeping and flying and working... Needless to say I have racked up the frequent flyer miles. Hmm...I just said it. Too late! Doh.

Let's start with the bad news. I am not going to be a Grandpa any time soon. Squirrel girl is not right since it happened. I wish I could help her. I am would love to convince her to go back to school with Shae but I think I would have a better chance of getting the two of them to skydive in a cactus-filled desert.

I am trying to get into the holiday spirit. I am actually doing better than most years. We took Ave to the Breakfast with Santa thing and walked for cookies. That was actually a very good time and it started snowing while we were out there. It really doesn't get much better than that. We walked from store to store with our heads facing the sky and our tongues out catching snowflakes in our noses.

Money is a bit tight this year, but I think it is really more about the time spent together this year than the presents given. The boss (now bosses) here have still not come through completely with the promises of higher salary, and housing. In all fairness, they do fly me back and forth every weekend, but I was spending more time at home when I drove. They want me to get all of the initiatives completed this year, but have not stepped forward to take care of me. Top this with people knocking on my door with more money and I am having a real struggle substantiating my position here. I will hold on a little while longer, but if you promise me something, fulfill the promise.

Lastly, my reason for not blogging as much. I am enjoying life right now. I am spending time with the family. I am traveling. I am working. Maybe when things slow down, I can get back into it.

Another name to be called...

2007-09-17T08:56:00.000-07:00

In my life, I have been called a LOT of names to include Tonto, Kimosabe, Tatonka, John, Johnny, Little Johnny, Dear, Husband, Dad, Asshole, Prick, and many more. But for the first time in my life, I will be called Grandpa. It appears squirrel girl is going to have a squirrelette. I notified my coworkers today and was greeted with "How do you feel?" or "Is this good?"

Both are very good questions. Actually and honestly, I don't know how I feel. I am happy for my child to be having a baby. But the thought of me being a sexually-active totally hip and modest grandpa is causing me some pause.Why do I have a problem with this? What is it about being a grandpa? Is it the stigma that grandpas in general are old crotchety farts? Is it the feeling that maybe age is finally catching up to me? Or is it simply that after being a Dad after all of these years, I now will have to LEARN how to be a grandpa?

You read that right...learn. I had to learn how to be a father. I had to learn how to be a husband. Both of these tasks seemed fairly simple to me since I saw the interaction between my mother and step-dad, and my mother and me. But the relationship of a male figure with the grandchild is foreign to me. I am sure I will step up to the challenge.

Another thing...what if this child is (dare I say it) a...boy? Having nothing but girls in the house means I know what ot expect. But to create a relationship with a boy child...let alone a boy grandchild, may be beyond my realm of thinking. Argh! OK...back to work for now. Just had to get this out.

No...I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth

2007-07-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

I have been rather busy working, writing my book, and traveling back and forth. I will get back to blogging when I have a chance to catch up...probably in the Fall. I have some blog entries waiting to be finished.

Hancock Fabrics Code of Business Conduct

2007-06-04T18:13:00.000-07:00

Ms. Aggers,

My name is John and being male, I rarely step into fabric stores. My 16 year old daughter Sydni, is a sewing fiend and has made dresses for her many friends and her own prom dress. She intends to graduate high school next year and attend a Columbia College Chicago. We are very proud of who she is and where she is going.

She took her first job ever with Hancock Fabrics in Joliet, IL as a part time inventory person for a short two day stint, May 15 and 16. She worked hard to help finish inventory a day earlier than expected. She worked for 10 hours at $7 per hour. She was thrilled with the job even if it was for a short two days. After coming home exhausted, she had to prepare for school the following day.

A week after finishing the inventory job, she called the store to ask about when she would be paid for her work. She was informed that she would be able to pick up her paycheck the Friday after Memorial Day.

Today, we went by the store so Sydni could grab her check. My daughter was taken into the back of the store and about 10 minutes later, a woman came out of the back to talk on her cell phone about Sydni’s paycheck. I overheard a good portion of this side of the conversation and key words such as “I am sure Sydni will understand,” and “Oh” were uttered believed to be Nancy.

After returning to the back, Sydni came out and informed me that they “lost her in the system” due to “technical difficulties.” The soonest she would be able to receive the paycheck she was already suppose to have is the 14th of June. This is when Sydni is suppose to be out of town with the money she made from Hancock Fabrics.

I am writing this to allow you a chance to respond and make the issue right. What would you do if this was your daughter? What would you do if your paycheck was lost because of “technical difficulties?”

I understand that Hancock Fabrics is in Chapter 11, and understand the tremendous strain you must be under to make sure the debts your company accumulated are paid. But a person’s paycheck, whether it is an inventory person for two days or the CEO, should never be jeopardized. If Business Conduct and Business Ethics are of such vital importance as you say, I would think that an employee’s paycheck would rate at the top of the list of items to rectify as soon as possible.

Thank you for your understanding,

N8ivWarrior

EDIT: Sydni received cash the following day for her pay.

Homeowners Assholciations

2007-05-31T19:13:00.000-07:00

I understand the purpose of a homeowner's association (shaking my head in disagreement). As I understand it, it is to make sure that every house in our subdivision look exactly like every other house in our subdivision. It also provides a community based feel to bring you close to your neighbors. It also provides me my community swimming pool and trash and snow removal services.

I pay $53 per month for this over and above my principal, interest, taxes, and insurance of which has gone up nearly $700 per month over the past 3 years. This is due to the taxes part.

Where do I start with the homeowner's association? The community swimming pool? Sure. The pool opened a fews months after we moved into our house. I don't swim in it for multiple reason. First, it is packed full of arrogant, inconsiderate, belligerent teenagers. Any time I have stepped foot near the pool it is dirty. The tennis courts / basketball courts are no better. They are combined. You can shoot a net or hit a tennis ball into the basket. It is much like full contact tennis.

I would place a pool in my backyard, but I can't because it is against the rules. Much like having one of those blow-up pools for my 4 year old to play in. It lowers the value of the property. Because the 1900 houses for sale, that aren't selling, in Plainfield isn't enough to lower the value.

Next is the trash and snow removal. I have to admit, that the snow removal in Northern Illinois can be daunting, but it happens all the time here and snow is not a shocking event as it is in Southern California. For some reason, snow plows the association provides take great ease in removing part of my lawn every single year because they can't determine where the road is located. Add to that the shredded curbs due to snow plows themselves reduce property value on my lot.

Trash removal seems pretty simple, unless you live near the windy city. We have wind here. The association does NOT provide the matching trash bins for our matching houses. So people place their light plastic trash barrels out to the curb, the trash man empties it, and watches it tumble over the next 4 miles of his route. He laughs. On windy trash days, the trash bins populate the roads like the tribbles infested the Enterprise.

So, we received a letter today from the homeowner's association again saying that our lawn needed to be mowed. I realize the letter was probably sent right before Andi mowed the lawn, which was not easy because our grass hasn't grown, but there were a few stalks of grass that were about 4 inches high that she ran the mower over and taught a lesson to never grow again. But to spend the postage (yes, mailed) to tell us that we needed to mow is neither neighborly, nor smart when you send it verbally vindictive people such as me and my Queen.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one, today two). We need to nix the association. If you want to use and maintain a pool, buy a membership. Pay for your own trash removal...or better yet, recycle. If I am being taxed for city services, that must mean I am on a city street, use city snow plows. I want to build a fence all the way to the sidewalk, not to the edge of my house. The edge of the house loses a LOT of good yard that I am paying out the nose in taxes for.

The second point is this, before an association starts throwing stones, they better live in a cave. I will be drafting up a rather curt reminder to the association that they planted DEAD trees when the came through. The snow plows removed 50 square feet of my lawn and damaged the curbs. The pool is dirty. The trash cans are all over the neighborhood, and the fence around the pool is too high and extends beyond the edge of the clubhouse.

I will of course provide a seperate letter for each item. I doubt they will ever fix the infractions, so I will probably have to do this repeatedly. I may even hand deliver it to be more neighborly.

Clublands of Joliet homeowner's association is a farce. By the way, want to buy a house?

Surprised by Old Friends

2007-05-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

The Queen and I went to Clinton on Saturday to look around since my office is going virtual. We miss Clinton. When this opportunity came about, it only made sense since the cost of housing, gas, etc is substantially lower there than it is in Plainfield.

We cruised down in the viniman and by the time we arrived, everyone was whining about starvation. I don't really think they were THAT hungry, but they wanted to have some Monical's Pizza.

We arrived, sat down and after a few minutes another couple came in with a mother and sat down at the table not far from me. The man looked familiar.

After about 20 minutes, he said hello and I responded in kind. This quickly became one of those awkward points in a conversation where you think you know the other person but don't really know the name. So, I am the first to make the awkward situation worse and try to stall for time while I tried to figure out who he was. I asked him if he knew who I was.

In the back of my mind, I knew he couldn't put my name to my face, but it was fun watching him squirm. Meanwhile I am biding my time running through the yearbook in my head trying to figure out who he was. Finally, I asked him what year he graduated, and he replied with "I think you were a year ahead of me." Well, that didn't go as I hoped. Clever...this man was clever. He played his hand the same way I would have.

Finally, after going through the torment of trying to kick in brain cells that have long remained dormant, one of us gives in and says our name. I really can't remember who went first, but after all was said and done, it was an old friend. We sat there and talked and caught up very briefly while the wives talked amongst themselves. They got along famously since my wife is a scrapbooker and his wife is a scrapbook supplier.

As soon as I heard that, I could tell they would get along famously and we would be much poorer because of it.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). In a small town, you can go home after 23 years of being away, and you are still home. That sense of community is unique and cannot be duplicated. One more reason...to move...which appears to be happening.

Practicing What We Preach

2007-05-10T15:54:00.000-07:00

My company is considering changing our company structure to practice what we preach. We have downsized enough and consolidated applications enough to be able to actually use virtual office.

This excites me in multiple ways. First, I can officially work from home full time. Second, it is very good for the environment and for our company financially. No office space means that there isn't a lease cost, utilities, infrastructure costs, or commute costs thus saving money on a personal level.

It also means that when we go to hire more people for support, marketing, etc., they can be anywhere in the world. This again saves the company money because a security engineer in Rapid City, SD costs much less than one in Washington, DC.

IceWEB creates and markets hosted Microsoft Exchange and Sharepoint for companies to reduce their internal costs and not have the headaches of maintaining and monitoring servers that they don't have the expertise to manage. Additionally, the company (big or small) can be located in a single location or all over the world and will still be able to connect.

"Yes, but I can do that with my current Exchange and file servers" you say.

You are right. You can. Here is how much it will cost you for 12 mailboxes and 4 of those people have Blackberry devices:

Exchange Server hardware and software (first year): $9,040
Blackberry Enterprise software and support: $10,380
Backup Server and software: $3,000
The IT guy to set it up and manage it part time: $20,000

Total: $42,420 for the first year, $23,660 for each year following until you have to upgrade.

Using IceWEB:

12 Exchange mailboxes with 4 Blackberry connections: $1,810.44 for the first year, and every year after.

Yeah, yeah...so you don't work for a small company, you have 5000 employees and only 150 have Blackberry devices. Ok the quick numbers are:

In-house Exchange will cost $1,191,347.00 the first year and $746,987 each year until you upgrade.

IceWEB will cost: $581,814 per year every year.

Sales pitch over...back to me.

In this common sense approach, the company decided that since most of our clients are working virtually, we should as well. The home office and telecommuting are becoming the norm in this age of inflating energy costs and global warming. Granted, I will still have to come to Virginia every so often to install servers or something, but most of my time would be spent at home. How cool is THAT?

The Queen said I would drive her n-n-n-nuts. She plans to stick me in a closet to do my work. That is fine. It would be the shortest commute ever.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Tell your finance officer or IT guy to buy IceMAIL! It will keep me working.

Don't Buy Gas on May 15

2007-05-04T05:09:00.000-07:00

My Queen filled the van with gas the day before yesterday. She paid $3.15 per gallon, $60 to fill the tank. Yesterday we drove by the same gas station and the price was $3.30 per gallon. The price of gas has gotten to the point where you have to either take out a second mortgage, or car pool to the grocery store.

Somebody came up with the bright idea to boycott the gas stations on May 15. This is not the first boycott (April 1997), but the last one just didn't get much publicity. The last time, the price of gasoline dropped 30 cents. This time, thanks to the internet, people are trying to get the word out.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). If everyone who could, refused to pump gas on one day, maybe the record profit making oil companies will finally wake up and stop hiking the price 15 cents per day. If we could show them via mass transport, car pooling, and maximizing trips (combining trips to the grocery, hardware, school, or work), I am sure the oil companies will notice.

After all, my fill up was $60. Add that to your purchase, and your friends purchase, and the other 70 million Americans online or 1 billion people globally, and that counts for a LOT of money out of the pockets of oil producers.

Did you know...

In the third quarter of 2006, Exxon Mobil had a gross profit of $35 billion. In the fourth quarter, the gross profit was $63 billion.

Who Missed the Boat?

2007-05-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

On Monday, April 23, I wrote an email to customer support at Days Inn corporate:

I was booked in your hotel by my company. I already planned to stay in Holiday Inn, but my company found a better rate at this hotel. Hotel. I am not intending to go on a tyrade about the word hotel but as for me and many people I know, a hotel is an enclosed building with a restaurant, meeting rooms and stores. This motel (what I consider the proper word for a place with doors facing outdoors) has meeting rooms.

As for my room (that I am currently in), the vinyl wallpaper is holding together the wall. I have killed multiple flies, and my non-smoking room smells like smoke. As I was outside my motel room door, another customer was complaining because the room had makeup all over the room assigned to her. I figured I would at least take a bath...nixed that after finding hair (very possibly pubic) still in the tub.

When I arrived in the room, there was an overpowering smell of deodorizer. I now understand why. I unfortunely am stuck here until Friday. I just thought you should know how your franchisee is doing with your brand label.

I gave up on the email after a day with no response.

On Monday, April 30 (one week later), I received a response:

Good Afternoon,

Thank you for contacting the Days Inn Customer Service department concerning your stay at the Glen Burnie, MD hotel. We sincerely apologize that the property did not meet your expectations of Days Inn's high standard of guest service. This property is independently owned and operated under a Days Inn franchise, and its management is responsible for meeting Days Inn standards.

The information you provided has been forwarded to the General Manager of this franchised hotel for review. Please allow a minimum of 7 business days for the General Manager to investigate your concern and respond.

Once again, we sincerely apologize for not meeting your expectations. We place a high value on your continued patronage of Days Inn facilities, and we hope that you will stay with Days Inn again soon.

Melissa Huber
Customer Service Representative
Case #2000463

HUH?! Didn't I already allow 7 days for YOU to respond? Are you the ONLY Days Inn Customer Service person? Were you on vacation? Did you say HIGH standard? This is the second Days Inn I have been stuck in over the past and both times were the worst.

I responded in minutes, not days:

Melissa,

Seven days to respond. You lost my business.

John

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Do these people just miss the boat? What good did they think would come from responding a week after the email was sent? Do they have their wires crossed? Her title says customer service, right?

Did you know...

In Chicago, the statue of Ulysses Grant is in Lincoln Park and Abraham Lincoln's statue in Grant Park.

Facing My Demons

2007-04-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

I managed to get booked in one of the nastiest motels in Maryland. The wall is crumbling behind the vinyl. The ceiling tiles are sagging in the unventilated bathroom. The room is dirty and I am not sure what that dark red spot is in the middle of the room. I hope that is spilled soda behind the bed. Maybe those hairs are embedding in the floor of the shower due to some resurfacing treatment.

The hotels around the area are booked solid due to some accordian players convention I would imagine...so I am stuck here. The only saving grace is the Internet connection. As I have been sitting here, I have come to the realization it is time for me to face my demons. No, I am not talking about the small insects flying about the room, I am talking about my abandonment issue.

It may be true that my abondonment issue was aggravated by the suicide of my Father when I was 6, the suicide of my Brother when I was 12, the suicide of my Wife and Mother of three of our kids (which I fear will have the same issues) when I was 32. But overall, I think I have maintained control of my life and have pushed to make something great of it...until I figured out that things don't make a person great.

I have tried to talk to the shrink about the issue and she insist that it is deeper than relatives commiting suicide. It is her (and my Queens) belief that my abandonment issues stem from birth.

I was adopted at 6 months age. I believe I actually had some time with my birth mother not for any factual evidence such as a social worker's interview, but I just feel like I met her. I have too many questions and not enough answers. Don't get me wrong, my Mother was wonderful. I could not have asked for a better Mom, Stepdad (even though we didn't often see eye to eye) or Sister. They are my family.

But my demons are beginning to bother me and I don't feel like there is much time left to get the answers I so desperately need. Therefore, I am kicking things off and agressively searching for them. I have always had my name out on the common websites to allow them to find me if they so chose. I can no longer wait.

My Mother wrote me a letter when I was still a few months in the household to make sure I had as much information as she had. She informed me of the details behind why I was placed for adoption or at least what was given to her. I will transpose the letter sometime in the near future to this blog. It is a bit lengthy as she didn't want to leave anything out.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). If you know someone who may know someone who can help me find my birth parents. Please email me at n8iv@n8iv.net.

Here is the sketchy bit of summary information that I have.

Birth & Adoption Details
Adoptee's Birthdate: October 18, 1966
Birthplace: Los Angeles, California, USA
Adoptee's Gender: Male
Multiple Birth: No

Attorney/Agency: Robert J. Farrell
Adoption Date: Febuary 20, 1967
Adoption Location: San Bernadino, California, USA
Orphanage: San Bernadino adoption center
Hospital: University of California
Doctor: John M or W Hogan?
local Cert: 7097 091122
Case Number: LA1940-1413938

The Birth Certificate states Los Angeles County. I was called "baby boy Stone" in the care center. A lookup of Stone for 10/18/1966 shows a Birthmother last name of Ashlock and a Birthfather of LR Stone. I hope there is a correlation.

One other quick point. Ever since adoption, I have been told that my Birthfather is Sioux and my Birthmother is Cherokee. The quorum amount is unknown. I believe I can have the records opened since the Indian Child Welfare Act was adopted after my adoption.

If you are aware of any facts that can help me in my quest, please email me.

That feeling...

2007-04-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

The other day, I drank so much tea, I barely made it to the urinal without hydroblasting the frontside of my blue jeans. This doesn't happen very often because I have had the unfortunate circumstance of pushing people aside just to get to the toilet. Ref: The Dance.

So the other day I was at the point of tears when I made it to the bathroom. Bathroom? Well, in my office there is a shower in our bathroom for the fitness center so I guess it is close enough. Maybe I should call it a showerroom. That looks and sounds funny.

Isn't it amazing what part of the body is actually in control? Well...it seems they talked amongst themselves:

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge, "said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

I should be in charge" said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge, " said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge" said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge" said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge, "said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery and the blood was toxic.They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge.

Doubt me?

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Listen to you rectum. Yes, it will sometimes actually speak to you, and most of the time it is really full of shit. But if you DON'T listen, you are in for a rude awakening.

Would You Like an Enema With That?

2007-04-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Another tax day and again the government will continue to bend people over in order to get the money it so seriously deserves. We need to pay for the new infrastructure such as roads for our vehicles and city water services. We need to pay for our health care for the elderly and the very young. We, as a people, need to pay to ensure our defense against the evil tyrrany that threatens our way of life and our personal liberties.

We need to pay.

And we do pay. But apparently we do not pay enough. Right now, the United States government is running with nearly a $8.9 Trillion deficit. The entire 2007 federal budget is $2.8 Trillion (not including other appropriations for the war effort). How many companies would be permitted to run in a debt of three times the entire budget? Wouldn't they be severly scrutinized for cheating the stockholders like Enron? Or is it OK because they are telling us that we are spending money we don't have?

We...yes we. We are paying the government to perform a duty for us. We are paying our voted officials. We are the government. I sometimes think that we forget who is in charge. I also think the government officials forget who is in charge. We make the laws. We uphold the laws. We interpret the laws.

So when we do not spend our money in a way that best suits us, doesn't it just piss you off? I think we forget, we have a voice. We are the voice. As quiet as my voice is, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! If you want me to pay taxes, fine. I will pay them. But listen to me...listen to us when we stand up and tell you something.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Step out of the shadows and get vocal. If the spending of $20 Thousand on a bomb (just the bomb, not the plane, pilot an fuel to get the bomb there) to blow up a truck in Iraq is too much for you to bare, tell your representatives. If you believe the war will help create stability in the Middle East to continue the flow of the crude oil so the fuel companies can again post record profits, tell your representative.

And if you are just sick and tired of the government not listening to you, not voting as you want to vote, stop paying your taxes. Then the people can pay for you to sit in the cushy white collar jail room. That is a much better way to spend money.

101 Dalmations (R); Not Intended for Children Under 17

2007-04-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

Last week, the Harvard School of Public Health released materials to the Motion Picture Association about the impact of smoking in movies on youth and the need to eliminate cigarettes in film.

The cliff-notes version of the report is that children do not have the parenting and understanding to know that smoking is unhealthy. Therefore, the motion picture community needs to rectify the issue by demanding that any movie that has someone smoking in it be considered an “R” movie.

Petitions have been created to demand the motion picture industry remove smoking.

I have but a few unanswered questions about this before I make a comment on the issue. Who did they study? I seriously doubt in this day and time that any of the youth started smoking because they saw Audrey Hepburn smoking in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. How old is the data? 14 years old. What are the demographics of the smoking youth? What types of movies are the youth watching? Are they watching “R” rated movies to begin with? Do the other people in the family smoke? Does the study include the effects of drinking alcohol? Did they trend economic conditions with smoking or drinking?

A study was completed by the University of North Carolina – Chapel Hill in 1999 to determine how many G-rated animated films made between 1937 and 1997 by Walt Disney Co., MGM/United Artists, Warner Brothers Studios, Universal Studios and 20th Century Fox. 50 movies were reviewed and two-thirds of the movies had one or more animated characters that smoked, or drank alcohol.

What about the support of money in the movies? In the past blockbuster films were partially funded by cigarette companies. Ronald Reagan himself made commercials for cigarette companies to help pay for the show or film he was working. Tobacco companies fund a great portion of Hollywood. This includes the movies high quality movies as Baby Geniuses, Epic Movie, and Stomp the Yard. Without tobacco funding, the now average ticket price of $6.60 would end up turning into $15.00. Frankly, I can’t afford to take my kids to the theater as is, but to have to absorb the cost for the animated film “Doogal” because it fared poorly in the box office is beyond my means.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Maybe, we should consider PARENTING our children instead of having the Motion Picture Association try to force an “R” rating on movies that shouldn’t be. The fact that they want to turn the evil smoke puffing Cruella Deville into the equivalent of Natural Born Killers is a bit extreme. How about instead, we explain to our children that if they smoke, “I will kill them before the lung cancer does!”

Hi kids! I love you! Daddy will be home soon and we can go watch "Meet the Robinsons." I heard there are smoking dinosaurs in the movie.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!?

2007-03-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

I am heading to the airport once again today. Unfortunately, I have to transfer in Pittsburg this run since a straight flight was going to cost me considerably more. As I understand it, the airports are already having delays, so this should be an interesting day of people on cell phones.

Cell phones. I have three on me at this time. I have my personal cell on the smaller, I-could really-care-less-about-you phone carrier. I have my business PDA with cell phone service from the monster-conglomerate carrier. I have the the on-call Blackberry phone on the carrier that continually asked if I can hear them.

What I hate most is the people who have bad receiption. These are the people who for some reason feel that if you begin loosing receiption, you have to talk louder into the phone. As if the increased volume somehow increases the frequency bandwidth of the cell phone and it's carrier.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). At what point did someone figure that yelling into the phone would make it so you can hear the other person? What do you do for people like that?

Here is what I do... I hop on my cell phone and scream into it right next to the other guy. Then when both of us are off the phone, I start a conversation with the idiot...but very loud. That way, he think I have a hearing problem and not that I am some jerk that is on a cell phone yelling.

Yes, I get looks from other people around me and sometimes security walks up to check things out, but who cares. I am never going to see that person again, and it can be quite fun to see the expressions.

Airport in two hours.

Did you know...

The first flight ever was a human balloon flight. A Frenchman, Jean Pilâtre de Rozier, made the first captive-balloon ascension (Oct. 15, 1783). With the Marquis d'Arlandes, Pilâtre de Rozier made the first free flight, reaching a peak altitude of about 500 ft, and traveling about 51/2 mi in 20 min. (Nov. 21).

I'd Like a Small Town for $1 Million Bob

2007-03-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

So, I have been sorting out ideas of how to make a load of money without a lot of work and of the brain cells decided to jump in and help other people. I would love it if the people in my head would keep to themselves.

Anyway, I came up with an idea for a small town that is running a deficit. Instead of having an election for a mayor the next round, they sell it to the highest bidder. It is really no different than actually running for Mayor. The person with the most money wins. So, we are just making it so the city actually benefits instead of having signs plastered all over the roads and people shoving fliers in your face.

How much devotion is a mayor going to have when they just spent $1 million of their own money to win? Well, about $1 million of their own money's worth. I know I would want to make it go as far as possible. Why would anyone buy a mayor's seat?

Often mayors are bought anyhow, so this cuts down on the collateral damage of the race. The "candidate" would be someone who hasn't had a chance to actually fill a public office position and this is the fastest easiest way in.

What about representing the people? First, do you really feel like you mayor is representing you? Do you know your mayor's name? Plus, if the mayor just paid that much money for his seat, I would think she would want to make it work.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). If you are a small town, vote to eliminate the vote for mayor and throw the seat up on Ebay. There is no better notoriety than being the city that went to the highest bidder.

Did you know...

Since the start of 2007, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley’s campaign has collected more than $3 million in contributions – a rate of more than $54,000 per day or $2,250 each hour.

Avery turns 4

2007-03-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

I managed to get all of the system to take the time change change. For my overseas readers, The United States in it's infinite wisdom moved the time change to today, March 11. It was originally scheduled for three weeks from now, but at the last moment, they moved it to today. I have written an entire blog entry about the time change. If figure this little move of the move hascost the United States, and other countries at least $100 million if you take into account the developers, testers and implementers of software...never mind the users.

I have said it before, I say it again... Get rid of the time change! Eliminate time zones! It just doesn't make sense! With the development of new aircraft, we will be taking off from New York at 8:00AM and landing at 6:00AM in Los Angeles. Time is far too complicated for some people and there is no real reason we can't all use the same clock.

To add to this rant, now my daughter's birthday is an hour short. Avery turns four today. She will have the 23 hour birthday, totally opposite from the 25 hour birthday I have had in the past.

This brings me to my point already (because I am in a hurry today). Happy Birthday Avery! I love you!

Did you know...

The name Avery means Leader of the Elves.

Don't Leave Out the "S"

2007-03-07T09:10:00.000-08:00

While surfing to find a new customer service person, I decided to hit Craigslist.com since people are often posting their availability. Craigslist is a website where you can post everything from a job to a car to a pallet of duct tape. It is free which makes it even more appealing than Ebay. The problem is, I left off the "s" in the middle.

I don't really have a problem with free enterprise. I have a problem when free enterprise takes me to a place I just don't need to go while I am at work. Craigslist is not the first.

In the days when Bill Clinton made a necktie for Monica Lewinski, the White House also had a one-off problem. One-off is a term used for grabbing a common domain and buying the domain that may have a spelling error or a common domain root. The White House website is www.whitehouse.gov. In the days of "defining sex" in the White House, www.whitehouse.com was a porno site. So all of the schoolkids managed to get a free show for going to the white house.

Someone has since changed the domain to a people search page, but www.whitehouse.org was still available for creative usage...and it is. A spoof from the whitehouse website, it has a great sense of political humor.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). If you really feel the need and have more time on your hands than I do to write this blog entry, spoof ME! I would imagine N8iv.com or .us is still available. Do your best! (throwing down the gauntlet)

At least do better than these jokers did:

This is a list of the top 20 domains sold in 2006.

1. Red.org - redirects to joinred.com
2. Football.us - redirects to 1football.com
3. Brown.com - parked
4. NewYork.info - affiliate ads for New York tours
5. XS.net - nothing
6. Fun.mobi - parked, powered by Google
7. CD.com - parked
8. Blue.com - parked
9. Stockquotes.mobi - parked
10. Sex.net - parked
11. Wifi.com - developing community website, 151 members so far
12. Cameras.com - parked
13. SexEducation.com - parked
14. Prize.com - parked, powered by Google
15. Wrestling.com - parked
16. CD.net - parked, powered by Overture
17. Flowers.mobi - parked
18. 20.com - password protected
19. Scouts.com - “Under construction”
20. Bike.com - parked, powered by Google

I have to say, if I am going to buy one of these domains, I am going to actually PUT something on it.

Did you know...

The highest price ever paid for a domain name is $7.5 million for business.com. It is a search site.

Happy Gamelion / Lupercalia / Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T09:11:00.000-08:00

This psuedo-holiday has me a bit baffled. Most women expect something today as a token of love. This is the perceived meaning of Valentine's Day. Men on the other hand think of today as well, they day they forgot, and they need to run to CVS or Target and get something fast.

But what do we really know about Saint Valentine and Valentine's Day? Valentine's Day (February 14) was created as a Roman Catholic feast for Valentine. The day was observed by the Roman Catholic church until 1969. Valentine was a martyr for the Romans.

Just to make sure everyone is on the same page, we made a martyr's holiday into a holiday for love and gifts. Um...OK.

As many of you are aware, Roman Catholics took holidays and converted them for their own. This is but another example.

On the ancient Athens calendar, the period between mid-January and mid-February was the month of Gamelion, dedicated to the sacred marriage of Zeus and Hera.

In Ancient Rome, February 15 was Lupercalia. Lupercalia, of which many write that it was anciently celebrated by shepherds, and has also some connection with the Arcadian Lycaea. Many noble youths of the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy.

The word Lupercalia comes from lupus, or wolf, so the holiday may be connected with the legendary wolf that suckled Romulus and Remus. Priests of this cult, luperci would travel to the lupercal, the cave where the she-wolf who reared Romulus and Remus allegedly lived, and sacrifice animals (two goats and a dog). The blood would then be scattered in the streets, to bring fertility and keep the wolves away from the fields. [4] Lupercalia was a festival local to the city of Rome. The more general Festival of Juno Februa, meaning "Juno the purifier "or "the chaste Juno," was celebrated on February 13-14. Pope Gelasius I (492-496) abolished Lupercalia.

Some historians argue that Candlemas (then held on February 14, later moved to February 2) was promoted as its replacement, but this feast was already being celebrated in Jerusalem by AD 381. The pope also declared in 496 that the feast of St. Valentine would be on February 14.

And how did Cupid get into the mix? Throughout ancient mythological writing, there appear to be either two Cupids or two sides to the figure of Cupid. One is the son of Jupiter (Zeus) and Venus. He is a lively youth who delights in pranks and spreading love. The other is a son of Nyx and Erebus, known for riotous debauchery. Son of Zeus! Marriage of Zeus. Coincidence?

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Happy Lupercalia's day my Queen! As much as I wish to run down the street naked, I will pass as the snow plows in Northern Virginia really have no idea how to clear a road.

Did you know...

A Hallmark holiday is a predominantly American disparaging term used to describe a holiday that exists primarily for commercial purposes, rather than to commemorate a truly significant religious or secular event. The name comes from Hallmark cards, a privately owned American company based in Kansas City, Missouri, that presumably benefits from such manufactured events.

Examples of holidays that are called "Hallmark holidays" include Secretary's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Sweetest Day, and Valentine's Day (though it does have a longer historic legacy than most).

High School Flashback

2007-02-12T06:01:00.000-08:00

I received an email today courtesy of Classmates.com. An old high school friend made contact with me after not hearing a word from him for about hanumuun years (can't give away too much). It was great to hear from him and discover that he is still alive. It was he that created one of the few good memories in my high school life.

Personally, I was not a big fan of high school. I hated the social aspects of it all and I tended to hang out with the misfits more often than not. I had a car, so the friends I had tended to stay with me. I never got arrested, but it wasn't like there wasn't cause to arrest me. As a teenage male, I tended to do stupid things.

I am sure my Mother knew about most of it, and never mentioned many. There were some cases where she had no idea. A good childhood friend (Red) and I were cruising around testing out the new camera flash I had while driving in my car (I said we did stupid things). On one of the main roads in our small town, the car we ended up flashing was a policeman. After we realized it, I hit the gas. We drove around a corner and using only my parking brake and after turning off the lights, I pulled into someone's driveway.

The cops flew by in both directions, and after ducking down in the car for about 30 minutes and having a serious need to pee, we pulled out and drove home. Looking back, there are a LOT of stupid things I did in my childhood.

I am sure a good majority of the people have either gone to a party or had a party in their parents house when they were away. With the friend who just looked me up, this is where his story is held in my memory.

My friend, we will call Streak, came to a party I had at my house. There were a significant amount of people at the party (about 20) and the amount of alcohol available to us was far beyond what we as high schoolers could intake. After drinking way more than we should have, Streak said he needed to make a phone call...across the street...at the gas station. Did I mention we were young and stupid?

Streak decides that he needs to perform this action totally naked. His strips down, and runs through the snow across the street and places a phone call to who knows who he called. I can only imagine what he had to say being drink, naked, and cold. Within a minute he ran back to our house.

Within a couple minutes, we were visited by the police once again. Everybody turned off the lights and layed on the floor, trying to hide from being spotted and the cops breaking down the door. The following morning, there were people laid out all over the house, the house was a disaster, and we were lacking a huge amount of alcohol from my parents stash.

Streak was ill with a hangover, but he among all of the people stayed to help clean up the mess.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Do I think that we could possibly get that childish and stupid if Streak and I met again? Probably. There something about living dangerously with a childhood friend.

When Red and I got together some years back, we went over the avoiding police scenarios with my Mom in the room. Her first expression was "WHAT!?" Then she informed us that she knew about the party we had while they were away.

All that time, I thought we got away with it. She informed us that the alcohol had to be thrown away because it was thinned out, and that she found food in the couch cushions.

Did you know...

According to a national survey, nearly one third (31.5%) of all high school students reported hazardous drinking (5+ drinks in one setting) during the 30 days preceding the survey.

Hammertime

2007-02-12T05:59:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching "The MC Hammer Story" on VH1 Classics. I think it was made quite a while back, but it definitely shows the essence and the lessons of life.

I fully understand immersing oneself into your work and ignoring the things that are going on around you. I have and at times still do the same thing. It is that insatiable need to do your best and be the best. As my Queen constantly informs me, I am very competitive.

For all of the nostalgic readers, I have had and continue to have a link to MC Hammer's blog. The blog actually delves into his personal life more than I expected which is actually quite refreshing for a celebrity. He touches on his spirituality, his family and his music. He often treats the blog as a photoblog and will post events such as birthdays, funerals, and Nascar racing (a recent discovery that Hammer seemed to like).

The only thing I wonder about is he feels he is in his life. He doesn't often write about his struggles plans, and goals as many bloggers do. The movie I watched depicted some of his struggles, but all of us are still trying to overcome difficulties.

Does he feel that his style of music has gone stale? Does he feel that he has a certain expectation of him? Or is it just music and he just wants to sing and dance? Does he worry about running out of toilet paper? Does he panic when he is recognized in the movie theater? Does he even watch movies?

I can appreciate that celebrities indeed do have these problems, but when a celebrity opens up about this type of thing, it makes him human...not an icon. I think that if Hammer really wants to bring in the readers, he may want to express himself in something other than music, simular to how my other blog links are.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). How come I never have enough money to buy the cool things? VH1 Classics has an auction to benefit Autism. What are they auctioning? A custom motorcyle signed by two rock icons: Neal Schon from Journey (which I was a big fan) and Joe Elliott from Def Leppard (which the Queen was a big fan).

But does anyone really have enough money? I know that as many people as Hammer tried to help, he still ended up in the same boat as many of us. Just like him, we pull ourselves out.
I fully understand that I would probably kill myself or have it stolen, but just for that one moment, it would be so cool. Maybe the Queen would hop on the back.

Did you know...

"U Can't Touch This" is considered one of the most used songs in commercial TV, and movie spots.

No Brakes

2007-02-10T08:06:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks, I have been driving a truck without brakes. Basically, they have worn down to the point where when I depress the brakes, you can hear the worn metal rubbing on the worn metal. Luckily I have not had to stop with any required amount of force. I end up being the guy who starts slowing down about a mile before the stop light.

To make things worse, I drive in the fast lane. Yes, I am one of those guys that is now driving in the fast lane and slowing down way before arriving at the stopped cars. I have not been honked at or given the finger, so I must make it look like no big deal.

I don't have a spinner pin to tell me the brakes were going bad before they did, otherwise, I would have replaced the brakes already. For now, I will continue to drive without brakes much in the same way I have lived my life.

I have made decisions in the past that are without brakes. I kept scanning the horizon and looking for other options rather than coming to a complete stop. I have stopped before, but that was only because I was overloaded with all of the obstacles in my life and how to deal with them. When I stop, I tend to go to my cave.

In my early years, this meant taking a trip somewhere I have never been and getting in my own head. I would work through all of my options, goals, and issues and finally discover the next path. I called it "visiting my spirit guide." This has always worked well for me.

As I grew older, the trip somewhere usually ended up me being in my house depressed. Then during a dream of some sort, I would again discover my path.

Today, I am basically on visiting my spirit guide all the time. I am always in my head because I have basically two things happening in my life: work and time alone. I am discovering who and what I am.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). When you have a defined path, take it without brakes. But living without brakes all the time can be quite dangerous. Right now, my truck is without brakes, and I am not. This is a good thing to me.

Did you know...

Spirit Guides are spirits of like spiritual age to ourselves, working on the principle of "like attracts like". They are usually not with us all the time. They come when we are "receptive", or when they feel that their attempt at guiding us might help.

The Spirit Guide (depending on culture) can be an ancestor, a close relative or an animal.

Windows Vista

2007-02-08T15:22:00.000-08:00

Nirek requested information about my experience with Windows Vista.

I have been running Vista for about a month now. There is a commercial that raps it up pretty well.

I have been working with bleeding edge technology for years. I worked as Beta tester for Windows 95 in 1993. I worked with Citrix Metaframe when it was still on AS-400 boxes. Fact is, my first actual PC was a Commodore 64 with the cassette tape storage option. The first hard drive I had the pleasure of working on was a 20MB platter drive that required 2 people to move it only after parking the drive.

This may sound a bit like a dinosaur talking about the good ole days, but I have to say, things were actually easier. We didn't have any features, so of course it was easier. Everything was text. You actually had to type. The "mouse" was the squeek of the 5 1/4" floppy disk.

There were drawbacks...pictures were non-existent. People often walked away from their computers and walked directly into walls because the screens were not very condusive to keeping your eyesight. Music was often a bunch of high pitched squeels and burps. Wireless meant that it was unplugged.

What do I think about Windows Vista? I think we may have gone too far to make things better. I can't find a thing in the new interface. To add to that, simple things like "ipconfig /renew" that used to be able to be run from the command line, can't. The security settings won't allow for it anymore without going into advance physics and superstrings. The commercial is dead on.

My answer to Nirek's question is: RUN! Run for your life! Then...buy a Mac.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always hove one). With the amount of horsepower included in my state-of-the-art PC, and the advanced theories used to create my operating system and office suite (Office Enterprise 2007), someone needs to explain to me why my old Commodore 64, with 64K of total storage pulled up calculator faster.

I realize that I was ONLY allowed to use calculator with my Commodore. But honestly, I can only see one screen with my two eyes. Do I really need the other 42 programs that are running on my laptop right now to be running? I am only using the calculator.

Did you know...

Bill Gates is quoted as saying "To create a new standard, it takes something that's not just a little bit different; it takes something that's really new and really captures people's imagination — and the Macintosh, of all the machines I've ever seen, is the only one that meets that standard."

Toiletseeing

2007-02-07T14:37:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. This is indeed a deep subject. I checked in on iNina today to see her pictures from her trip to Greece. It looks like a great time. She mentioned one word in her blog entry about toiletseeing. Of course, this made my blood pump. Just the thought of toiletseeing sounded like something right down my alley.

My first thought was to of course use the toilet. But after that, I was thinking of the travel industry and how an entire industry could be created with toiletseeing tours. Hundreds of people lined up in rows waiting to approach the toilet. Visitors leaving with the toilet paper firmly grasping on the shoes.

You could have different kinds of tours. The men's tour. The women's tour. The walk into the other sex bathroom tour. The golden plunger tour (only the best toilets are featured).

The photo opportunities are too numerous to mention. Women standing in front of urinals. Men using a bidet. Men looking at the tampon dispenser. Women looking at the condom vending machines. Toilet paper mummy's. SUPER PLUNGER!

This is truly brilliant! The travel industry will create new magazines just for toiletseeing. Hey, they do it for cruises....and that is just a boat.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). By making an entire industry on touring toilets, do you think the toilets will be any cleaner? Will shop owner spend the extra money to make the toilet nicer? Will they make sure the toilet has enough toilet paper?

I think so.

Did you know...

The fish-n-flush is an actual aquarium in the tank of a toilet.

Cursed

2007-02-06T15:50:00.000-08:00

I am really not sure if it is due to my looks or my insatiable need for duct tape and toilet paper, but for some reason, I can't manage to get an Internet connection to work in my temp-a-house.

So, today I "worked from home" to be here when the rent-a-cable-guy arrived at the door at 10:00. He came...he drilled a hole in my exterior wall...he blamed it not working on inside service...he left.

I called inside service and the call went something like this:

"Hello, the technician informed me I need to call you all to turn on my modem." I thought I stated clearly.

"Have you plugged in your computer?" the technician asks.

"Indeed I have. I have been assigned an IP address and I can see on the modem's web interface that it is not communicating with you. I have rebooted it and have the same result."

"Can you go ahead and unplug the modem and turn off your computer?" the technician asks.

"Not a problem."

45 seconds later, she asks me to plug it back in and start my PC. Once I have confirmed everything is up and running with the same result, I hear "I need you to go to start, run and type 'cmd.'

For all of you who haven't been reading me, I have been in information technology for over 22 years. My response really threw her off. "I can't do that. First, "run" doesn't exist in that location. Second, I can't run ipconfig from the command line with the security settings."

"What operating system are you running?"

"Windows Vista Business" Suddenly there is a long pause on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

"Can you hold on sir?" She informed me later that I was her first customer running Vista...which I have had for a month.

Before I get a chance to say sure I hear the elevator music on the phone. Why is it they only play standards for music on hold? Why can't they play some U2 or Sting? Would you like to hear a song while you are on hold about "Shorty like mine"? Oh, she is back, she navigates me to the network settings to reset my IP address. I was already there, and just said "uh-huh" every time she told me a step.

After troubleshooting for 30 minutes, she informed me she needs to send out a technician. "The next available time is Thursday."

"What? Are you telling me I need to take another day off from work because it wasn't set up right the first time? I don't think so. Have whats-his-name come back."

"I am sorry. We have Saturday available. Anytime Saturday."

After agreeing on Saturday, I turned on the TV, hopped on the neighbor's unsecure wireless network and got to work. The Travel channel has been airing the "best" pizza, hot dogs, barbecue, and big eats today.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why in the world would ANYONE want to eat a 76oz steak with sides in an hour? Can you imagine the calories in that meal? Why would anyone want to eat six chicken wings that you have to sign a waiver before you start?

What kills me is Eagle's Deli in Boston. A 3 1/2 pound cheeseburger and 5 pounds of fries for a meal is just a bit too much. One more thing, if you can eat all of that and another 1/2 pound burger, they will name the NEXT burger in your name.

OK, need to go consume the entire contents of my fridge.

Did you know...

Without the soda to wash it down, 3 1/2 pound cheeseburger and 5 pounds of fries have 8,109 calories, 659g carbs, 341g fat and 595g protein. For a man, that is 5 days worth of calories, 3 days of carbs, 7 days of fat, 5 days of protein.

Thank You to Da Bears

2007-02-05T05:38:00.000-08:00

It is Super Bowl Monday and the game is over. First, I would like to thank the Chicago Bears for a great season. I personally feel the team as a whole played with skill and precision. Unfortunately, Indianapolis played better and won the game.

Congrats to the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts simply out-played the Bears. Though the first quarter of the game definitely had the landmark Bears style of play with the special teams touchdown run off the kickoff. What a way to open a Super Bowl game.

Honestly, I am just happy the Bears made it to the Super Bowl. As much criticism as Rex Grossman has had, he helped put the team in the Super Bowl, and he didn't receive any credit for it.

Sportmanship is as important as the game itself. When Coach Lovie Smith was interviewed after the game, you could see he was disappointed from defeat, but he held his head up high and applauded his friend for a good game. That is honor among Warriors.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why doesn't America just make the Monday after the Super Bowl a holiday? Super Bowl Monday has the highest "sick" day rate the entire year. Productivity for today is the lowest due to hangovers and sore throats from yelling at the TV. You all realize, they can't hear you right?

If they can make Columbus Day a National holiday, why can't they do the same for Super Bowl Monday? After all, Columbus never even made it to America...The Super Bowl was actually created in America.

Did you know...

Over 100 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl for either the game or the commercials. Approximately 1.4 Million will call in "sick."

Being a Celebrity

2007-02-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

This is actually a post I started back in July that I decided to drag up since (once again) the issue has raised it's head. I have been mistaken for a celebrity. This doesn't happen very often, but it does happen. "Who" you ask? Paul Simon most commonly. Personally, I don't see the resemblance, but I guess that I am suppose to be a younger version of him.

I guess it is possible that I am his illegitimate son. After all, I was adopted and I really don't know who my birth father was. But I seriously doubt it.

I have also been mistaken for other local people. When I was in the Air Force, I attended a church. The first day of attending, EVERYBODY walked up to me and started talking to me asking when I came back. They all swore I was this other guy. The way I stood. The way I talked.

Some people even argued with me about who I am. How frustrating do you think it would be to argue with someone about who you are? After showing military ID and drivers license to several people, I guess they finally figured out that I am who I am.

Back to celebrities...I have met or come upon many celebrities. Not that I am name dropping, but if you have ever heard of a group called LFO (I haven't but my kids had), I almost walked over the lead singer.

I met Ginuwine in a Seven-Eleven. I didn't know it was him until I walked out of the store and his picture was plastered on the side of the bus.

I recognized Michelle Branch coming out of a gas station bathroom. The kids were oblivious. I had to tell them she was wearing a wig.

Other celebrities names I have met: I worked with Steve Martin. I worked with Bryan White. I work for James Bond.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). When you have a name like James Bond, do you really have to uphold the image? Do you have to have the smart house? Do you have to have the toy cars? Do you have to have a different woman every time you leave town (we call them hookers)? He has every toy a guy could have.

Yesterday, 007 took me and a co-worker to lunch at Mortons (mmmmmmmmm). James has a very fully loaded Cadillac Escalade complete with ejector seat and rocket launcher. As I was playing with the DVD player with THX surround sound, his radar was alerting him of impending dangers behind the vehicle (backup sensors with a camera).

After parking and exiting the vehicle, my co-worker stated "Man, that is like riding in James Bond's car. WAIT! I WAS riding in James Bond's car!"

Too funny.

Did you know...

There have been 6 James Bonds. The order went like this: Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig.

Personally, I think they should do another one with Sean Connery.

I Have a Secret

2007-01-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

I have started reading a site that Mickerdoo turned me on to. Cave Canum (cavecanum.com) is a place where you can anonymously post and read other people's secrets. If I am absolutely bored because all of the people performing the upgrade to our system is in Russia, I will pull up the page and read the secrets.

Most of them are just people dealing with love or relationships like 22856:

if your goal lastnight was to make me change my mind about you and everything, i think you would be pleased to know you succeeded.

Some, are people who are frustrated with politics, police, lack of toilet paper or any other problems life has thrown their way. 22847 made me laugh:

i wash my comforter about once a year. i keep it quite clean.

These (22818) are the ones that make me go...huh?

I shave my chest and nipples and im a girl

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Go ahead. Post a secret. But when you are reading all of the other posts, don't start thinking you may know who posted that one. It may just drive you nuts.

Did you know...

Most of the US believes the governments biggest secret still remains to be Area 51.

Let Loose

2007-01-26T11:38:00.000-08:00

I think I have gained control of my life again. Granted it did take the help of some drugs, a shrink, and my family, but I think I have gained some perspective on some things.

First, I am not my job title. This is actually a big turning point for me. My wife has always considered me the overacheiver. She claims that the fact I am adopted, my father committed suicide, my brother committed suicide, and lastly my first wife committed suicide, that I have abandonment issues. So, for my entire life, I have fought and pushed myself to climb to the top of the corporate ladder.

What do I mean? Well, I am a Native American male without a college education that grew up in a rather poor family. Even in school, I always pushed to be the best. I was in theater as the Artful Dodger. I was in Music (Band and Chorus) and received the Illinois Outstanding Soloist award and the National Music Honor Award. After receiving scholarship opportunities for music, I determined that music was not a career and joined the Air Force for 4 years. I wanted to learn how to work on fighter jets. Instead they stuck me into "telephone and data circuitry" (whatever that is). How fortuitous it was that telephone and data communications would be the next big thing.

As the technology field transformed, I realized that I needed to transform with it and absorb as much as possible to continue to climb the ladder. After co-owning a company, and dealing with the trials and tribulations associated with owning a small business with 27 employees, I also found out that the waiting for cash to come into the company was harder than getting the opportunities. So, we sold it.

Ever since, I have been fighting to get back to the top of a company that somebody ELSE owns. What have I learned? Think about your happiness and the happiness of the people important to you...not your job title. When you have departed this world, your job title will be a line. How you lived life...will be immortality.

Second, find out who you are. In my solidarity in Virginia, I have found out that I like some things that my Queen does not. I listen to different music. I like watching Deal or No Deal (they had Hanson on there yesterday). I like walking around the city...Chicago mostly, but I believe any city has a certain beauty. I am discovering myself again after being my wife's husband after all this time.

She has even confirmed this. She informed me that I have become interesting again...and that I don't take the things she wants or like and steal it. She hates it when I take her passions and run with it. I understand now.

Last, let loose and have fun. Having fun has always been a gray area for me. On the train, I had fun, but I have to admit it was not the best think for me. I increased my alcohol content by 10,000 fold and I often lost my composure in situations I should have avoided. This is partly chemical and also has something to do with the overachieving mentioned earlier.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). I need to find out what is fun. Now that I have had a chance to figure out how to handle my life, I need to figure out how to have fun without hurting myself or others. The Queen says to make friends (male friends). Problem one...I tend not to like the male ego a whole lot (probably some sort of reflective therapy is needed here) and I am not a big fan of sports...except hockey or the Chicago Bears! In fact, the only real manly man thing I do is listen to Maxim radio in my pickup truck. But I listen to laugh.

A friend of mine, a tall white skinny South African, seemed to have the method to have fun. In the same way I tend to write, he tends to express himself through abstract walking. We would be walking down the sidewalk and somehow the topic of zygotes came up. He spontaneously threw both of his hands over his head and ran around us bent down.

"I am a SPERM looking for an EGG!" he exclaimed in the middle of downtown Washington DC.

As we walked down the graded sidewalk to lunch, he gradually picked up the pace to an all out run and slammed into the bus stand spread eagle. He continued to wiggle against the clear covered bus stand attempting to "enter the egg."

The expression of the people sitting IN the bus stand was not only one of WTF and fear, but of disgust. Because from their angle I can only imagine it looked like my South African friend was humping the glass.

OK...maybe I won't go that far. Maybe I will just go play pool.

Did you know...

Curitiba, Brazil has the best designed bus system in the world. They have approximately 1,100 buses carrying 1.3 million passengers per day. The roads have dedicated busways to ensure on time delivery of the passengers.

Fresh Air Please...

2007-01-24T05:48:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and performed my usual ritual of peeing, showering, drying, brushing my teeth, shaving and dressing. I happen to be running a little bit late this morning because I hit the snooze bar two or three too many times. I find the best is the most comfortable when I first crawl into it...and when I first wake up in the morning and the rest of the room is a bit cool.

I do my best to not wake up my "roommate" as she calls it. She is really my mother-in-law. Mother of my Queen. Closer in age to me than I am to her daughter, there doesn't seem to be any issues with this living arrangement. She arrive home from work so late, I say about 10 words to her before I retire to my room.

I buy a good majority of the food in the house. I eat...she doesn't. When she does, it tends to be chips and salsa (or guac) or something I may have bought for myself knowing she would also eat it such as lunch meats or ramen noodles.

One day last week, I decided to buy myself some ground beef to make myself some real cheeseburgers. I figured that out of a pound of meat, I could get three nice sized burgers. So, I seasoned them, cooked them and had one for dinner that night. It was perfect and I sealed the other 2 burgers in ziplock bags for lunch over the next couple of days.

When the Queen Mother came home, she took one sniff of the burgers and the first words out of her mouth were "what smells so good?"

Feeling like the deer in the headlights I reply "Burgers?..."

"mmmm"

This is about the point I realize that I didn't even think to find out if she liked burgers. If I would have known, I would have purchased more beef.

"There are two in the fridge. If you would like one..." I offer.

"They smell great! Why did you make so many?"

"I planned to take them to work for lunch."

"Oh, never mind then. I don't want to take your lunches."

How does one handle a situation like that? Next time I guess I will just buy more ground beef.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Don't blame your Queen Mother for a fart unless you are absolutely sure. When I walked out of my room this morning to head for work, there was this rancid stench looming in the house with that odor de sulphur. Since my "roommate" sleeps on the couch in the living room (she has a bedroom, she doesn't use it), I thought she let off the mother of all air biscuits.

Holding my breathe, I quietly unlock the door and depart from the house. As soon as I exit, I exhale and take a deep breathe of fresh air...that was not fresh at all. It seems the stench was from OUTSIDE the house. The smell was worse so my deep breathe was quickly followed by a feeling of nausea.

I think I would rather be in the house.

Did you know...

Sulphur by itself is a tasteless, odorless non-metal. When boiled in water, it creates hydrogen sulphide, an acidic compound with the smell of rotten eggs.

Freezing the Change

2007-01-22T13:50:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, a friend of the family came over to the house and the big topic of conversation was the Bears game. She informed us that since all of the people in the bayou are doing their voodoo to win the Bears vs. Saints game, that a news station had a news story about how Chicago fans could use voodoo of their own.

Apparently, we had to write "Saints" on a piece of paper and stick it in the freezer thereby "freezing" the Saints. OK. Why not?

The following morning (game day) the Queen, Avery and I went out for breakfast to find snow covering the viniman. I looked at the Queen and smiled. What is it that New Orleans does NOT have? Cold...and Snow. I knew this was going to be a great advantage for Chicago. Wind, Cold, Snow, Home field...all of these are good. It paid off. Chicago Bears managed to withstand the cold and snow to beat the Saints 39-14. They are heading to the Super Bowl to play against Indianapolis.

It should be an excellent game. I am sure High Priestess is just beside herself right now. She is from Indianapolis and lives in Chicago. What a dilemna to have. Multiple personalities will be having fights over who should win. Just think of how HER night will be Super Bowl Sunday.

Announcer in the background: "Touchdown Colts!"

High Priestess: "YEAH!" (dance dance dance)

High Priestess mopes in the corner.

High Priestess jumps up and down on the bed.

Announcer in the background: "and the extra point is good!"

High Priestess: "Dammit! Comon Bears! Bring it back!"

With alcohol added to the mix, I am SURE the game will almost be as good as the show.

On another note, my flight was delayed last night due to snow. I was happy to see the snow nonetheless. Then when I finally arrived in Virginia, I found (get this) snow. SWEET! Minor problem though. The roads seemed to be all ice. LOTS of cars were left in snow banks.

The Queen called in a panic to inform me NOT to drive to the house and to stay in a hotel for the night. So, that's what I did. A bit of an ordeal with Econolodge (terrible service and a bit trashy) so I ended up in Comfort Inn. You know exactly how the hotel is when you walk up to the office, and you have to stand outside, and talk through the bullet-proof glass to try to get a room.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). I like my job. I have found this is a rare accomplishment. I like the work I do, and I like that my company is taking my ideas and running with them to make a business from it.

After discussing it with the Queen and my boss, I am freezing the change of jobs back to Chicago. Don't get me wrong, I love Chicago. It is the best city in the world. But, to have a job that I truly enjoy, is not likely to happen in Chicago. So, after working out a deal with my boss, I will work from home one week per month and spend the rest of the time here in Virginia.

To show my company spirit, instead of videotaping myself doing a cheer that defies gravity, time and physics, I decided to post a banner.

Did you know...

The US Chamber of Commerce concluded that employees steal more than $40 billion annually from their employers. This is 10 times the value of street crime in the US or 1.5% of the annual value of all world trade.

Air Warrior

2007-01-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

Off to the airport again. Tonight I fly back to Chicago to visit my family and cheer on the cheerleader. I am actually becoming old hat at flying and getting through airports. Of course, I have never taken any international flights, but you never know. I want to travel internationally, I just haven't taken the initiative to complete the process.

Next question would be...where to go? Well, Europe would be nice to visit. Asia as well. The language barrier may be an issue, but I can muddle through.

I love to travel.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Is the toilet paper the same overseas as it is in America? Is it all bodets? I really don't want to wipe my butt with a cloth towel. That just seems wrong on so many levels. What does someone do with the towel after they have properly wiped out the Klingons? Do you zap it with your phaser?

Lastly, who is the pour soul that has to wash the towels? What did people do before toilet paper? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

On the bright side, the Queen has informed me that the house is fully stocked with TP. Good. Last time, I had to pull some from my stash.

Did you know...

In the early years, Scott advertisements were suggesting that "over 65% of middle-aged men and women suffered from some sort of rectal disease". Inferior toilet paper was deemed to be responsible. It was printed in Scott advertisements that "harsh toilet tissue may cause serious injury".

Back at It

2007-01-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

Wow, that was a long break from blogging. I am not really sure what happened, but it can't be good.

I came back today to find a message at the top of my dashboard. "Make the switch now."

Okey dokey! I have made the switch and they managed to keep all of my pieces and parts in tact. Very refreshing considering how much time I have sunk into this blog. The only bug spotted thus far is one of my titles in my "N8ivFavorites" section seems to be messed up. But that is really no big deal.

Where have I been? What have I been doing? Nothing except working. Really, my life has become rather boring. I wake at 6:00AM Monday through Friday to go to work and arrive back around 8:00PM to have dinner and go to bed. Saturdays and Sundays are often spent doing chores (laundry, truck fixes, grocery shopping) or catching a movie. Last weekend I caught "Curse of the Golden Flower"

While typing this blog, I received a phone call from a recruiter for a position back in Chicago. THAT would be nice.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). GO BEARS! There are four teams left. New England (Hello Mickerdoo!), Indianapolis (Hello High Priestess!), New Orleans (Sup VJACK!) and finally Chicago...the best city in the world.

I have held with the Bears for the entire season and now that they are playing for the NFC title this Sunday, I am totally stoked! People all over Chicago will be dancing in the streets if the Bears make it to the SuperBowl. Yes, yes, Rex Grossman has had some rough runs, but the only thing that matters is the final score. I say to Rex Grossman, well done.

For the critics, it takes a team, not a man to win the game of American football.

Did you know...

The Chicago Bears actually got their start in Decatur, IL as the Decatur Staleys in 1920. When they moved to Chicago, they played in Chicago Cubs field and after another year, became the Da Bears.

I Am Not Ignoring You

2007-01-11T14:17:00.000-08:00

I have just been busy at work. I should be fully caught up tomorrow.

Another Company That Doesn't Care

2007-01-08T06:45:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: A young lady from Circuit City called me today to first apologize for the bad service, and second to get more details as to how my shopping experience should be improved. A ray of light.

I still have not heard a word from Mr. Phil Schoonover or Circuit City so I would imagine they just don't care. Big surprise there. At that rate, they will be filing for bankruptcy within the year. I know Circuit City personnel have read my blog because my site couter saw them on the entry for 16 minutes. So the fact they have not responded is not very customer saavy.

Last Saturday, I went to cash my second job paycheck for $76 and change at PNC Bank (the bank the check was written on) in Woodbridge. I walked into the bank, signed the paycheck, provided my two forms of out of state identification and asked them to cash my check. I would have deposited the check in my bank, but there aren't any within 700 miles of here.

After the teller begins processing the check, he looks at me and informs me there will be a $5 charge to cash the check since I do not have an account.

"WHAT?! The check is written on YOUR bank and it states 'Pay to the order of' on the check! You telling me you want me to PAY you to cash YOUR check in YOUR bank?" At this point, I have the bank manager's ear.

The bank manager comes over and doesn't say a word. I look at her and ask her if this is true. She indicates it is.

"I see. Very well, understand that I am not a person to take something like this sitting down, no matter how menial the issue may be. If you ever WANTED me to open an account, it will never happen. For that matter, I will tell everyone I know to avoid PNC Bank."

The bank manager just looks at me.

He cashes my check and hands me my $71. I continue to wait. "May I have a receipt for my $5?"

"We do not do receipts sir."

"You have GOT to be kidding me." I am beyond frustrated. I yell over to the manager that has now gone back to her desk. "I would like a receipt for my $5 you charged me for cashing a PNC Bank check in the PNC Bank."

"Have the teller provide you one." she responds.

"I would, but the teller just told me that you don't have reciepts. Maybe you should show the teller how to make a receipt."

I know I was being belligerent, but I am sick and tired of the customer getting the shaft. These banks make more than enough money from overdrafts fees, checking account fees, penalties, using our money for investments and so forth. So when they want to charge a person five dollars to cash a check their bank made, it really upsets me. What happens to all of those people that use this check as their primary source of income? What if they cannot afford to open a bank account...or simply can't control themselves enough to have a bank account?

I realize I don't need the five dollars nearly as much as other people, but the fact that the bank just took 6.5% of my paycheck pisses me off. Someone needs to make an alternative. Someone needs to make a bank that works like it did in the old days.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). I have written two criticizing blogs in the past month about customer service or services. Maybe I should just create a site that is a sounding board for everyone about the customer service and support of every company out there. I don't think anyone has started anything like this yet so this should be fun. The first two entries will be Circuit City and PNC Bank.

Maybe if this get big enough, the company executives will use it to actually direct their company in the right direction.

Did you know...

Reducing customer defections can boost profits by 25-85%. In 73% of cases, the organization made no attempt to persuade dissatisfied customers to stay; even though 35% said that a simple apology would have prevented them from moving to the competition.

IFC Championship 2008

2007-01-04T14:52:00.000-08:00

The last entry left a nice residual. Did a little research on a fart competition and found nothing real. I found some funny clips but nothing about a real competition. So, in honor of National Passing Gas day on January 7 (thank you High Priestess), I hereby create the first international fart competition to be held in Chicago, Illinois, United States on January 7, 2008. I just don't have time to pull off 100,000 people in 3 days.

To compete, it will cost you a meager $5.00 US per entry. Once entered, you can compete for one of the following categories per entry:

Longest Fart
Loudest Fart
Funniest Fart
Most Odiferous Fart
Team Fart (Creativity included)

The competition location is yet to be determined, but you can guarantee it will be in a location that contains alcohol, fire extinguishers, and good ventilation.

The pot will be a 50/50. 50% to the contestants, and the other 50% for the ref, bar and whatever other expenses.

Here are the rules:

When called, each competitor will grip the fart post.

At the signal from the referee, the competitor will commence to fart. The competitor will have 20 seconds to begin or will be disqualified.

Dropping soil in the pants is immediate disqualification.

There will be a point system, but I have yet to work out those air bubbles.

The audience is requested NOT to fart as the referree will need to be able to determine odor.

I have looked this up and there is a man in Europe that holds the current World Record duration of 9 seconds. I am sure, Americans have considerably more hot air than our European counterparts.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). When you come to Chicago, do not rent a car. Use the cabs. There are plenty of them in the city and now there is a way to find a cab. How cool is this? Google has created a site that has the current real time locations of cabs and shuttles. Some are even natural gas powered.

Did you know...

The average person produces a half liter of fart gas per day.

How to Write a Blog

2007-01-03T14:10:00.000-08:00

I have been asked how I come up with the blog topics for my blog. Actually, this is fairly simple. I will either be researching something that came up in conversation, or walking my pet sheep and I will think to myself "how odd is that?" Then I take this idea and without any real direction, start writing...or typing as the case may be.

Then, about 2 minutes into being seated comfortably in my chair in front of the keyboard, I realize I need to go to the bathroom. Be right back.

...

OK, much better. What usually happens is I start with a small idea of what to write about and from there I end up with diarrhea of the fingers. I will sit here and write and write about absolutely nothing while at the same time try to come up with a point to the message I deliver in the form that I am currently delivering it.

I will scratch my head (get your mind out of the gutter), pause for a drink of water, loosen up my fingers and begin. My topics may range from toilet paper to cell phones but in the end, I have a point. Now the point may at times have nothing to do with the topic of conversation (or at least at first you may not think so), but it is still a point.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why don't we have farting competitions? We have pig calling, pumpkin chunkin, burping, hot dog eating, beer chugging, bird calling, bed racing, and Nobel prizes...but we don't have the anus gaseous competition. This is the one body function competition everyone is capable of competing in and possibly even winning. The competitive field would be world-wide. There would be no limitations to how old, or who could enter.

I am certain there are people out there who think they could let off the ultimate, stinky, loud air biscuit...and to be considered the best in the world may just be worth the $5 entry fee. I think someone should put this together. It is just money waiting to be made...and wouldn't that be fun to write about?

Did you know...

Sheep were used to maintain the lawn of the White House during World War I.