I have a story I want to share to all of the boys and girls out there in Internetland. This one deals with me...and my Mother-in-law (MIL) that I live with in Virginia.

Every morning I have a set schedule to prepare for work. I have two alarm clocks to make sure I do not oversleep my 6:00 start time. I lay in bed for about 2 minutes while my eyes figure out how to open before venturing through the hallway to the shared single bathroom (this is an important part) with clean underwear and pants in hand.

I close the bathroom door, turn on the fan and promptly sit down for my first morning pee. Afterwards, I turn on the shower to broil and hop in. 10 minutes later, I am back out and dried. I put on deodorant, brush my teeth, shave (if necessary), wash my face and do the hair cream thing to spike my hair slightly. I put on my pants and exit. I finish dressing in my room, pack my laptop, grab any dishes or trash and drop them in the kitchen.

This day threw me off though. The trash can is in the kitchen near the back door. The dog was gone, but the was a puddle of water on the ground just to the left of the trash can. The house is old so I started looking for leaks on the ceiling. I looked up. I looked down. I looked behind the trash can thinking there was a liquid leaking. I looked by the door wondering if rain had been pushed in. I again looked at the ceiling. Not really seeing the leak and figuring the water was spilled or something, I shrugged my shoulders and continued on to work.

After flying home for the weekend, my wife gave me the details that happened while I was in the shower.

I woke up and went into the bathroom. The MIL woke up after I turned on the fan. She apparently had to pee very badly and really needed coffee since she was already a half hour behind her schedule. She had a choice of going into the bathroom while her Son-in-law was behind the curtain to use the toilet, or the final result, pee in a bucket. She did and afterward proceeded to get her coffee.

It wasn't until she saw me standing there in front of the trash can measuring the ceiling that she realized what had happened. She missed...the bucket.

My MIL asked my wife not to tell me about it. But after asking me about the pee on the floor, she just couldn't hold back. Now...I will make subtle comments about the "leak" in the kitchen not letting her know that I know what you now know. How much fun will THAT be? It is a damn good thing I didn't grab a paper towel and clean up the wet spot.

For years I have been getting the finger. This is often a case of someone extremely pleased with my driving and passive aggressive demeanor toward the intellectually challenged. It may be a case of the very helpful teenage youth talking on her cell phone to her VERY best friend behind the counter of the restaurant I just happen to be standing in, waiting for her to look at me to take my order, and me talking at a rather high volume to make sure she can hear me over her other conversation. That is when I am told that I am number 1 in her heart.

I lick the side of my cup very slowly and slowly suck on the straw in response.

I feel so loved.

Now, my wife is insistent that I go get the finger from someone else. This time there will not be any witty repartee, no exchange of glances, no passive aggressive glances. This time, I will have to hum to myself to calm myself from the impending and unwanted finger of a grown man with a latex glove standing behind me.

I realize that now that I have passed the 40 mark that this is a preventative measure that could very well save my life. But there really isn't ANY fun in the thought of having my exit only turned into a two way street. I suppose I could go ahead and have the camera snake thingy run up there, but since the idea of the one finger doesn't appeal to me, I am SURE the 6 foot camera will not make me thrilled.

This is important. I get that. This is something that EVERY MAN should do. It doesn't mean I have to like it.