And a little over the edge.



Deficit Follow-up


Many of the ignorant feel that it isn't fair for the rich to pay more. OK. I call your "fair" and raise you one.

Looking at an article published November 23, I can see that it is totally fair for Billionaires to avoid reporting gains. It is much easier for a tax return to show a loss of $9.8 million instead of paying the $44.7 million they were supposed to pay. So for "fairness", let's just have everybody else pay the $54 million delta for the uber rich of this ONE person because it is "fair". They don't pay more. They don't even pay the same percentage I pay. On a percentage basis, with loopholes, write-offs, and "losses", they pay less.

Why do YOU think Warren Buffet suggested the tax be increased for the uber-rich? And for those people who say "just send in a check", you apparently have never done this so let me explain. The IRS will send you a check back saying you paid too much. Thus..he wants the government to change it.

I am not uber-rich. But when the uber-rich are agreeing with Warren Buffet, you have to think we have a problem.


The Deficit Discussion Part 3...Paying Government Employees


I have personally worked closely with a signicant amount of Federal employees. Most of the employees have good intentions, but some (just like any job) are lacking in ability. It is just too hard to terminate government employees. For this reason I propose several things:
  1. No employee of the Federal Government will be paid more than an equal position in the US Military. Seriously, members of the military are having to file bankruptcy because they are making a pittance in comparison to that civilian doing the exact same job in the desk next to them. Additionally, the military member can be told in a moments notice that they are leaving to a desert camp and the civilian is nearly impossible to terminate.
  2. Any member of elected or assigned position in the federal government will make the same salary as the median average in the US ($29,730). The elected positions should NOT be about making money, and rubbing elbows with lobbyist and dignitaries. These people are supposed to be representing their constituents in the government and representing their views. So, if elected and assigned positions are supposed to represent the interest of the average American, then those same people should earn the salary of the average American.
  3. Lobbyist should not be allowed to visit ANY government officials. By doing this, it forces the Lobbyist to actually convince the American people of their crazy schemes instead of a single politican on some commission to vote a certain way once they have had a contribution to the Jim Bob reelection fund.
  4. Nobody in elected or assigned positions will be paid if the annual budget has a deficit. Simple, you aren't doing your job...so we aren't paying you.
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Thank You. Being a Veteran, I know what is given in support of this wonderful country. I have the right to provide my opinion because of all of the people who have sacrificed time, sanity, and their lives and love ones for the principles and freedoms of the United States. So when people who do not have any idea as to the challenges involved with being in the military are making decisions about pay, way of life, and military movements, decide to give themselves a 5% pay increase while the soldier receives 1.5%, it really tweeks my nerve.



So one of the major challenges with Government includes services. But at what point do services need to be cleared out and turned off? Well, I started going through the list of Government Agencies.Some of the agencies actually make me wonder if they were serious in the creation. For example:

  • African Development Foundation - The United States African Development Foundation is an independent Federal agency established to support African-designed and African-driven solutions that address grassroots economic and social problems. USADF provides grants of up to $250,000 directly to under-served and marginalized community groups and enterprises. So far, $62 Million in grants have been handed out. FYI...The Administration for Native Americans office has handed out $41 Million.
  • Appalachian Regional Commission - The Appalachian Regional Commission (ARC) is a regional economic development agency that represents a partnership of federal, state, and local government. Established by an act of Congress in 1965, ARC is composed of the governors of the 13 Appalachian states and a federal co-chair, who is appointed by the president. Local participation is provided through multi-county local development districts.
  • Office of English Language - The office identifies major issues affecting the education of English language learners, assists and supports State and local systemic reform efforts that emphasize high academic standards, school accountability, professional development and parent involvement...Besides the fact America does not have an official language, and the schools pretty much have English covered, I think this is an excellent way to spend $579 Million.
  • Federal Consulting Group - The Federal Consulting Group is made up of career federal executives who have extensive experience in managing major programs and working with senior agency leaders in areas such as process improvement, strategic planning, creative approaches to problem solving, executive coaching, leadership development, and customer and employee satisfaction....uhhhh...huh?
  • Federal Mediation & Conciliation Service - The Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service, created in 1947, is an independent agency whose mission is to preserve and promote labor-management peace and cooperation. Headquartered in Washington, DC, with two regional offices and more than 70 field offices, the agency provides mediation and conflict resolution services to industry, government agencies and communities. We need this to make sure every acts like grown-ups.
  • Housing and Urban Development - The Office of Housing provides vital public services through its nationally administered programs. It oversees the Federal Housing Administration (FHA) the largest mortgage insurer in the world, as well as regulates housing industry business. Didn't they help us get into his mess?
  • Institute on Peace - USIP is the independent, nonpartisan conflict management center created by Congress to prevent and mitigate international conflict without resorting to violence. USIP works to save lives, increase the government's ability to deal with conflicts before they escalate, reduce government costs, and enhance our national security....Basically, play nicer people.
There are more that I will not even go into...but you get the idea. We do not need a good chunk of these agencies especially under the control of the Federal Government. The US cannot take care of the US, so stop trying to take care of the world.

This brings me to my point as I almost always have one...kill the grants. Just make Grants.gov disappear. We (taxpayers) give away $500 Billion in grants annually. Some people feel this is a way to infuse the economy with stimulous funds in certain areas. I think it is just another way for people to receive money and provide little.


The Deficit Discussion Part 1...Flat Tax


Normally, politics is on my avoid list. So today's post will avoid it. However, the deficit itself is a totally non-party issue. With the Occupy groups and the Tea Partiers all yelling their own thoughts about everything from Wall Street to the Gold standard, I feel it is finally time to give my uninformed opinion. Hey, they all have uninformed opinions, so why shouldn't I?

Opinion number one. Flat Tax. A while back a man named Steve Forbes pushed for a flat tax instead of the weird, biased tax code we currently have. Yes, this would put a few dozen accountants out of work, but for the good of everyone involved, let's flatten it out. Herman Cain feels 9-9-9 is the solution...well, that is just stupid. 9% Income, 9% Corporate, and 9% Federal Sales Tax is all well and good when it comes to middle and upper class, but the poor would be paying 18% plus Social Security, Medicare, and State Income and Sales Tax. For a group of people that can barely pay rent and utilities, that adds up fast. Even the middle class would take monsterous hits when they wanted to buy that $200,000 home and had to pay an additional $18,000 in Federal Sales Tax. There is only one advantage I see to a Federal Sales Tax...people would start saving their money again. At least the people who can afford it will.

Rick Perry on the other hand is looking at a 20/20 flat tax. 20% Personal Income and 20% Corporate. Here we go again...Small business would take a hit first, then the low income people would still take a hit. Business itself would have an elevated cost across the board at 20%. They will have it at 9% as well, but not like 20%. With the way our economy is structured with manufacturing selling to distribution selling to wholesale selling to small business retail, that 20% can add up quickly. Of course the Internet is mitigating some of that by having some manufactures selling directly and reaping the rewards, but again...small business will not be able to compete with that and will either shut down or suffer.

So is flat tax the answer. Not really. This is why the flat tax has never been implemented to begin with. However, a tiered (or elevated) flat tax may end up working...and keep those accountants in business. Let's drop the write-offs. Let's drop capital gains, let's drop the deductions (why reward Octomom?), let's not seperate medicare, and Social Security, and let's start using a tiered flat tax. It works like this...
  • If you make less than $15,000 per calendar year, you pay nothing. Anyone who makes so little to try to survive from shouldn't have to deal with taxes. (64.296 Million People of the US) $0 Federal Revenue.
  • For people who make between $15,000.01 and $25,000, your tax will be a flat tax of 5%.(37.251 Million People of the US) $36.4 Billion Federal Revenue
  • For people who make between $25,000.01 and $35,000, your flat tax is 8%. (27.788 Million People of the US) $65.5 Billion Federal Revenue
  • For people between $35,000.01 and $50,000, your flat tax is 11%. (29.801 Million People of the US) $136.2 Billion Federal Revenue
  • For people between $50,000.01 and $75,000, your flat tax is 14%.(27.191 Million People of the US) $227.9 Billion Federal Revenue
  • For people between $75,000.01 and $100,000, your flat tax is 17%.(11.193 Million People of the US) $161.3 Billion Federal Revenue
  • For people between $100,000.01 and $250,000, your flat tax is 20%. (10.8 Million People of the US) $324 Billion Federal Revenue (based on average income of $150,000)
  • For people making over $250,000.01, your flat tax is 23%.(3.1 Million People of the US) $249 Billion Federal Revenue (based on average income of $350,000)
Source: http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/cpstables/032011/perinc/new01_000.htm

So how much is this in revenue for the government? Over $1.2 Trillion. The budgeted federal revenue from income taxes is expected to be $1.145 Trillion.

Source:http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/omb/budget/fy2012/assets/tables.pdf

Corporate Taxes? a solid 5% across the board should do it.

No Federal Sales Tax.

Lastly, Social Security and Medicare. Stop the cutoff. If you make more than $110,100 in a single year, you have paid the limit of your Social Security. But why? Just keep paying the percentage. The Federal Government budget is $761 Billion paid into Social Security for 2012. So that 13 Million people that stop paying into the Social Security System, would continue paying into the system. I am thinking that may just save the system as a whole.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). The flat tax is an idea that has been brought up multiple times and has fallen flat. The poverty line is just too high to pull something like that off. But having big jumps in tax rate to income doesn't really make sense either. So think about how this will affect the 46.2 Million people in poverty that are still citizens in the US.


Paper, Telephones and the Digital World


My supervisor will be challenging our group shortly to work an entire week strictly using the B2E tools. The good news is that since we are the group responsible for the tools, we should be using them. The bad news is that not everyone we will have contact with will be using the tools.

The other day I went into a meeting and was greeted with paper. Just an FYI, paper does not fall in the B2E tools category. In fact, any more, I am not sure why anyone would need to print anything for a meeting since we 1) have projectors, and 2) have Live Meeting which we can share our screens to anyone. This is like when word processing moved from the typewriter to the computer and some of the administrative assistants would still type and white-out the documents. Can you even buy white-out any more?

I digress...as the technology continues to evolve, there are still people that stay with paper and using the telephone. Even though Office Communicator has not only the ability to make voice calls, but video calls, people will still pick up the desk telephone and call the other person to leave a voice mail message. Do I think the telephone is a complete waste? No. It has it's place for incoming and outgoing non-company calls. But as for internal calls, I feel it should just sit on the cradle.

Now to contradict myself...I use the phone for internal calls. It is just sometimes easier to pick up the phone to ask a question and get an immediate answer. I won't try to have a long conference call, providing people with sweating ears, but for a quick conversation, why not? And with the telephone not ringing nearly as much as the past, it has become a bit of a differentiator. Compare this to snail mail vs. email. In the past email was a novelty, now it is a part of everyday life and spam has people skimming their mailbox instead of reading the email. Yes, it is much cheaper than snail mail, but think about it. When you get a real letter in the snail mail now, do you automatically want to read it...whereas in the past you would skim the mail and move on?

Technology changes perception. In these cases, it is good to use the perception to your advantage.


Ameren's Big Plan in Clinton


OK Folks, this is a long one…but very necessary.
As I continue to observe the differences in small town Clinton life, and the life of my past 26 years of city living, the phrase that is most often presented to me, “Welcome home” has taken on a life of its own. Much like the Scarlet Letter, “welcome home” is gradually meaning “we tend to do dumb thing because nobody seems to care”. Well, this is my home town and I care. Yes, it is true that for the past 26 years I haven’t really cared a whole lot, but now that I am back and want to help Clinton become my home again, I just can’t go on with a blind eye to what I think doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense.
For all of my readers who don’t know about my home town, Clinton, Illinois is a small town of around 7,500 people in central Illinois. It is known for a Lincoln speech about fooling some of the people some of the time, a large lake created by the nuclear power plant, and a town square that has eroded greatly thanks to several influences (that is another blog entry entirely).
So, being a concerned citizen, I have been attending the City Council meetings. Some people feel I am bored and have nothing better to do… although that may be true, knowing what decisions these elected officials are making on my behalf is really my motivation. So, here was a major topic presented during the last meeting: The excavation, transportation, and disposal of “contaminated” soil from the old Illinois Power Building location.
The old Illinois Power Building location at the 200 block of N. Monroe St. has contaminated soil beneath it from an old gas generation facility. It has been lying undisturbed for the past 60 years beneath the building and parking lot. Ameren, and I guess the Illinois EPA, have decided it would be best to remove this soil now that the building has been torn down and transport it through town to the Clinton landfill.
So here is their presentation. After telling the history of the site and spewing out scientific information many people in the room could not understand, they went into the plan for removal. They will erect a large tent covering the entire dig site and create a vacuum inside the tent (with a hopeful negative pressure of .2-.3 for all of you science minded people like me). The tent will have two large garage doors for the trucks to come into the tent and exit the tent. They will load the truck using a backhoe inside the tent, cover the truck with a tarp and transport the contents to Clinton landfill which will house the contaminated soil in the hazardous waste section.
Nan Crang spoke up and asked what route they planned to take through town with the truck to which Ameren responded with a route through residential areas. Nan suggested they use a different route although after finding out that this project which will run trucks about 4 times per hour through town over 6 months thought maybe that this wasn’t such a great idea because the route drives right past a school and it will be back in session. Hey, at least she was thinking of minimizing the risk. This is much better than others who sat there without doing any homework before the meeting. Jerry Milton also spoke up about making sure that the soil was damp and the Ameren response was the tarp will cover it.
So was has my fur up about this whole thing? I have done environmental work before. I know the proper procedure for environmental waste and these people are taking multiple unnecessary risks.
Let’s start with the tent. I realize that Ameren has “done this 15 times before in Illinois” and that is their canned answer, but this is my town dammit. The negative pressure they tout in the presentation to prevent the release of contaminants is totally lost when they open the 2 doors to let a truck in or out of the tent. The tent will be opened 8 times an hour…so how will they gain negative pressure. Think of it like this. If you were on the space shuttle and you wanted to make sure as much air stayed inside the shuttle as possible, would you open a garage door 8 times an hour? Nope. In previous removals I have been associated with, a dumpster would be loaded with sealed bags of contaminates with a bag cleaning process before going to the dumpster outside the contamination area. This means that the contaminants have to be passed through a three zones chamber (dirty, wash, clean) before leaving the tent. Also, the pressure inside the tent would never drop because there would never be a giant truck driven into the tent.
Issue number two: the trucks. Jerry Milton had the right intention but the wrong information. Ameren will only wash the trucks if they show considerable mud or waste. All waste will be captured with the tarp in the truck. Here is my question to the general public, how often have you gone into a dusty area and were able to drive out without having dust on your car? This is what Ameren is not concerned about. How many times have you been driving behind a truck with a tarp on it and has dust blow back or a chunk of dirt fall from the truck in front of you? There is no decontamination process for the trucks. They are free to blow dust all along the exit route of the town and to the dump…which now goes past Lincoln Elementary School and along the houses on Grant street.
Issue number three: the contaminants. What are we talking about here? Why is it this soil has to be sent to the hazardous waste site in the Clinton landfill? Because it contains a few deadly materials. In my past I was responsible for the containment and removal of lead, asbestos, and PCBs. Although the materials I dealt with were deadly in a slow painful way, these are not nearly as bad as Benzine and Cyanide.
Wikipedia (the ultimate source of knowledge) states:Benzine should not be confused with benzene or benzyne, nor should it be confused with gasoline although many languages call that with a name derived from benzine. Benzine is a mixture of alkanes, e.g., pentane, hexane, and heptane, whereas benzene is a cyclic, aromatic hydrocarbon, C6H6. Likewise, petroleum ether should not be confused with the class of organic compounds called ethers, which contain the R-O-R functional group.
During the Second World War some extermination camps experimented by killing people with benzine injections.


Cyanide on the other hand is very well known as a toxin. Wikipedia states:Many cyanides are highly toxic. The cyanide anion is an inhibitor of the enzyme cytochrome c oxidase (also known as aa3) in the fourth complex of the electron transport chain (found in the membrane of the mitochondria of eukaryotic cells). It attaches to the iron within this protein. The binding of cyanide to this cytochrome prevents transport of electrons from cytochrome c oxidase to oxygen. As a result, the electron transport chain is disrupted, meaning that the cell can no longer aerobically produce ATP for energy. Tissues that depend highly on aerobic respiration, such as the central nervous system and the heart, are particularly affected.

The most hazardous compound is hydrogen cyanide, which, because it is a gas at ambient temperatures and pressure, can be inhaled. A respirator must be worn when working with hydrogen cyanide. Hydrogen cyanide is produced when a solution containing a labile cyanide is acidified because HCN is a weak acid; alkaline solutions are safer to use because they do not evolve hydrogen cyanide. Hydrogen cyanide may be produced in the combustion of polyurethanes; for this reason, polyurethanes are not recommended for use in domestic and aircraft furniture. Oral ingestion of a small quantity — typically 200 mg — of solid cyanide or cyanide solution, and airborne exposure of 270 ppm may lead rapidly (within minutes) to death.


Issue number four: disposal. We are taking all of this open soil to the Clinton landfill to dispose of it directly over the Clinton water table. Right… so the hazardous waste section of the Clinton landfill is directly over the water table. The EPA says it is contained and will not cause damage. But when the truck go to dump their load, this creates enough dust that no matter how well it is contained, there will be residual everywhere…remember, they aren’t bagging the soil. They are moving it like any other soil. This is the EPA. The same EPA that stated DDT should be used across the country. The same EPA that until 1970 felt that asbestos was a safe product for everyone.
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why are we moving it? This soil has been undisturbed for the past 60 years and now Ameren feels they have to spend millions of dollars to dig it up, risk the lives of Clinton adults, children, and pets to transport it and deliver it above the aquifer of the Clinton water supply. This soil has been securely stored under a concrete foundation and parking lot. Why aren’t we just placing a new concrete parking lot on top of it? They are planning to make it a gravel parking lot after all is said and done anyhow. What is the risk compared to transporting it past an elementary school or contaminating the water supply? We all know that the $3.3 million for this project will be passed on to … me. My electric and gas bill. Clintonians electric and gas bills.
This is a community of the elderly and the young. Open your eyes and let your voice be heard.

Update: I saw Jerry Milton in McDonalds this morning and discussed this with him. He too had lots of questions regarding this effort and will be questioning the entire process and the motivation behind it. My impression is that he feels this is not an acceptable risk. Good to know and thanks for listening Jerry.


Elderly in America


After 26 years of living away from my hometown of Clinton, Illinois, I am finally moving back. As with most changes in my life, dreams of how my future may be in my new life path wake me from my slumber. This dream was about my life and retirement in Clinton. My Mom retired in Clinton and part of the reason for reflection is my part in her life. For reference purposes, my Mom adopted me when she had just turned 40. When she remarried in 1985, her new husband was 69 years old.

I am now 44 years old and I think this may be the last time I move...to a different town. I have lived in 10 states in my lifetime and about 25 locations in those states. In my life, Clinton has taken about 11 years of that. I can easily see myself retiring in Clinton. There are some motivation factors in the past that have prevented me from making the move to Clinton which include money, money, money...oh, and money. According to the Census bureau, Clinton's median income is roughly $40,000. Also, my particular job skills are not in demand in Clinton which is the other reason I have never made the move.

State Farm insurance is based in Bloomington and my only chance of finding a job to support me enough to move back to my hometown would have to be there...well, kinda. As technology and job requirements have changed, I also came to the conclusion that there are a lot of "work from home" scenarios for my career path as well...so I have a backup plan. After talking with a few people that already work at State Farm, I found out it is pretty much a work there until retirement place...not like the "only coal mine" in town, but like the "it is a good place to work" scenario.

So, back to my topic. I do not feel guilty about putting my Mom in a nursing home as much as I find it interesting that it is culturally "OK" to put family in a nursing home. I actually talked to my Mom about the options and her view on this is that she did not want to put any strain on her children for the breakdown of her body that would cause her to be in a nursing home. This is just one of the key differences in how the U.S. handles the elderly.

In many other culture including most Native American cultures, the elderly are revered and are consulted in tribal decision making. They are the people from which history and the lessons learned from history come from. All over the world, this belief system and adoption has benefited not only the younger generations, but the older generations. Families (including the Waltons, and $%*# my Dad Says) would take in their elderly and take care of them instead of tossing them into a room where "they can live with there own kind in a managed environment".

As the baby boomers come to the age of retirement, I have to wonder how America will handle the critical mass of parents moving into nursing homes. Economically, this is a huge burden on the health care system that is less than able to handle the health care of the existing elderly. Many of these leftover hippies that rejected the teaching of elders for their own alternative did not plan out their retirement and expect the government to provide a social security check and Medicare and Medicaid.

From a humanity perpective though, which is better? Is it better to place your elderly on a long boat and send them out to sea to their die with their deity? Or is it better to bring in the elderly and cause a financial and emotional strain on the family unit to gain knowledge and insight into life, history, and humanity? These are the decisions that Americans face and often...they will choose the easy way out. I admit that I did. Instead of forcing my Mom to come with us to Virginia, I let her live...and die in the nursing home. Just before her death I had applied and had taken a job in Chicago to be closer, but it was too little too late.

Is the mindset just different in America? How is it that immigrants can come from other countries, become American and within a generation have the same belief that the elderly should be stored in longhouses? Is it due to the parent? My Mom told me she didn't want to be a burden, but I always felt she was the exception and not the rule. I intuitively felt that what she said and what she really wanted were two completely different things.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Make your intentions clear. To my children...Place me in a nursing home. I like playing card games...and by then, they will have computers in all of the rooms. Maybe I can program a little while I eat my jello.


My Queen's Letter to her Mom


So, until we actually were assured I had the new job, I kept this in draft on my blog. This one email made me so proud to be married to my wife.

Dear Mom,
Okay. I know we need to talk face to face but I want to write everything I am thinking about down.

Here is how this decision came to be: When John and I first went to Clinton to visit him mom in 1998, I fell a little bit in love with the town, the people and his connections there. I have always had this Utopian fantasy of small town living with a strong community base that looks out for one another, beautiful buildings, lots of community activities. A place where people look out for each other. Like the beach, but with people who are really there for each other. Clinton is all of this. Its charming and has many times, though the residents done necessarily like the comparison, been called “The Mayberry of the Midwest”. Yes, everyone knows everyone else and that comes with its own drawbacks, but you are never overlooked or forgotten. Even now when we visit, I can walk into any place or talk to anyone and mention I am Becky Doyle’s (john’s mom) Daughter in Law and its instant social credit. People know who I am, who I am married to and even sometimes, things about me.

Midwesterners are a different breed of people in only good ways. They are honest, forward and simple in a lot of ways. They work hard, educate themselves, band together and are usually pretty religiously active which, for me, it’s a plus. They are not real touchy freely at first and they do take time to warm up, but its not like in Grayson where you are always an outsider even if you live there your whole life. They are tolerant and comfortable people. Connections are important and they like to make them with other people.

Clinton is the place I want to raise Avery. We missed our chance with the older girls and it’s a big regret of mine. When we moved to Plainfield, I thought I would have that kind of community, but it was too new of a town. I still love Illinois, even with the cold winters, because of the feel of the place. Its something you just have to live to understand fully, but it’s a salt of the earth goodness that we don’t see here often. People are so concerned with their own bubble-lives they don’t pay attention to others. They put their elderly in nursing homes, their kids with nannies, their spouses at work and its every man for themselves. You see it most clearly in traffic here and I know you understand what I mean there.

This is NOT John’s choice or his influence. Honestly its Clinton’s. Every time we go back, it gets harder to leave. When we were there in September, and visited Jan, Avery played outside for the first time without supervision. And she loved it, She was singing and dancing and exploring. She got filthy and she LOVED it. She still talks about it. MY stress level was so low, I felt happy the whole time I was there. I knew. KNEW she was okay. Its not that there cant be danger there, there is anywhere, but when you have a whole town who lives and breathes their community and they look after each other, you know someone will always be there to keep an eye out for her. Even with our older girls, once we got to Clinton, we turned them loose and told them to come back when the street lights were on. You could literally see their souls expand and they walked in sunshine. The way Opie did on The Andy Griffith show. I want that for Avery. I want her to have a happy, healthy childhood with a mom who can relax enough to enjoy it too.

I know there is a HUGE risk for you in joining us. I totally understand the trepidation that you might feel placing your career, finances and emotional well being in my hands (at least for a while). I know how hard you have worked to get where you are with the post office. You deserve so much more than they give you. You have a great heart and when I saw you with Aunt Tee Dee it reminded me how good you are with older people. I want for you the same as I want for me and my family. I want you to be happy and stress free. I hate that you break yourself physically and mentally every day at a job you don’t like anymore. I want Avery to have her grandma there the way I did. BUT I DO UNDERSTAND why this is hard decision.


I know that if you leave the post office, you will lose your benefits. Health insurance, pension, etc.


I know that leaving the beach would be really hard emotionally


I know that you have never lived off the east coast and you have no idea what to expect.


I know you hate cold weather.


I know you don’t want to be dependent on us for money


I know its scary to take off for places unknown even as a young person but probably more so for someone a little older and set in their ways.

I cant make promises. I cant swear that something awful wont happen that would screw up our plans. Like John getting hurt or dying, or someone getting really sick, or that you wont like it there. But I know you aren’t really happy here. I know that something could happen to any of us here, I know that even in the face of the worst possible situation, its always better to have family close to support you.

I don’t have an answer yet for the benefits thing. I do know that we may be paying for our own health insurance anyway and we can look into a policy for you as well. Living without health care is NOT an option for any of us. We are just looking into a options, johns prospective employer has offered it.

Leaving the beach, at some point, is the plan right now. To sell the house, divy up the estate and move on. I don’t want to force your hand. I don’t want to pressure you before you are ready. BUT I know how much its stressing you emotionally and financially and maybe this is just the gift God is sending to all of us to help us along. I will miss it too, but I know that I have the same feeling of being HOME when I am in Clinton. Same older homes, same older people, same trees, same kids on bikes, same gardens and sun and I know Grandma is with me wherever I go.

The winter in the Midwest is cold. I agree. However, the winter HERE is cold too and I think its worse because its wetter and humid and it chills to the bone. The changes in temperature make it harder when it warms up and then drops again. Though its damn cold there in the winter, there is no change til its ready to warm again. And then, its spring. And summer. And they are GLORIOUS there. Not too hot. No humidity. And always a nice breeze. There is not the lake effect winds that farm inland that Plainfield had. Still cold. Lots of snow. But they are prepared for it and its not the freak out it is here. Besides, it’s the same season as here.

AS for money, I don’t know how to make you feel comfortable about it. We can sit down and look at a budget together. We can plan how it will be disbursed, either directly to you or we pay the bills for you and give you cash to live on. I don’t know what you would prefer. I am not saying we are going to live high on the hog, but we can live comfortably there. Its cheaper.

I think you would be happy in a house of your own with the doggies and since the town is so small, you can have Avery over at night whenever you want. Or you can stay at our house when you want. I don’t have a problem living in the same house, BUT our combined animals probably would. I don’t see the cat and dogs getting along even if my allergies aren’t a factor. BUT I can stay with you till you are comfortable if you like. The town is a little bit bigger than Colonial Beach. They have a walmart, mcdonalds, hardees, several restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores (though they are really small), lots of small businesses, a gorgeous lake, Weldon springs (smaller lake), brand new middle and high school, building a new elementary, a brand new nursing home, assisted living apartments, a Friendship Center (for the older residents) a YMCA, an awesome park with a splash pad. And that’s just in Clinton. Bloomington is 25 mins away. Springfield is an hour. There are several small towns outlying Clinton. Its 2.5 hours from Chicago.

Mom, I feel like you have lived your life without being truly happy most of the time. I know you have worked hard. I know you deserve happiness. I think you have a good shot at finding it with us in Clinton. There is a community college in town that you could take classes at and find something that makes you happy. I just want happiness for you. I don’t want to take Avery away from you or you away from here. It makes me so sad to think of it. Which is one of the reason I want you to come. Its selfish but I love you and you are really the only family I have that I am close to.

Even if John could find something here that makes him happy, I hate living in northern VA. I hate not having a community I belong to. One where Ave can grown up with the same people. Not worry about everyone moving away. Be a happy carefree kid.

I don’t want you to feel pressured. I want you to do what you feel is best for you. If there are problems I haven’t thought of, I am happy to think and talk about them with you. Like I said, I cant promise you’ll be happy there but I feel like you aren’t happy here either. I know its not all going to be easy, but I know we can do this. Together. I just have so many thoughts of all of us together there. My heart hopes you come but I understand if you don’t.

I love you so much mom.

Andi


N8ivWarrior

N8ivFavorites

N8ivLife

N8ivHistory

N8ivCircle


Gimme Your Stuff

Powered by Blogger

Subscribe to my RSS/XML news feed RSS/XML News Feed

Have this blog delivered to your email.

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner