So, I have been trying to get a new driver's license. The state of Virginia requires that I provide a certified copy of my Birth Certificate even though I once had a Virginia driver's license about 5 years ago. Well, not to name names, but QueenSuchandSuch (keeper of all vital records) has lost my birth certificate, therefore, I have to request a new one from the state of California.

There is a vital records web site that pointed me right to where I need to go to get my birth certificate. To expedite the request, it is submitted to the county I was born in. About 8 weeks later, I received...a letter. Because I am adopted, "the county does not keep me birth certificate on record. Thank you for you money. Check with the State of California in Sacramento."

Nice...real nice. So, I go to the web site which says "they ONLY accept birth certificate request through the postal service. Please send us more money...and notorize this paper with your signature." I snail mail my request and money, and notorized paperwork and wait.

Meanwhile, my birthday has now passed and my driver's license is on E. I figure if I do get stopped, I will tell the cop I was born in California. That should work right? So, I am rapidly approaching a need for a valid driver's license or passport. I intend to take the MCM exam in May. Problem is, you can't board a plane with an expired license...and I am not driving from Washington DC to Seattle. So, I called them.

When I started down the road to Sacremento, the web site stated it could take up to 12 weeks to get it back. Now it states I have an AVERAGE wait of 18 weeks. Oh, and Governor Ahnode has informed the same agency that took my money that they have to NOT work on the first 3 Fridays of every month. What kind of crap is that? I paid for a service to be completed within a reasonable time. 18 weeks, not reasonable. I know for a fact that every birth certificate in loaded into a database, since the database was open to the public for a short time in the 90s, so why in the world would it take 18 weeks...average?

Odd thing is, the state of Maryland, you can walk right up and get a copy of the birth certificates in minutes. I had to do so for my 3 older kids. California Vital Records Division may want to take a page from Maryland's play book.

Last night when I am suppose to be sleeping safe and sound I for some reason had a dream about a woman raising hell with me about how the female has been oppressed for all these years and are never getting a fair break. As I agree with the thought process and that women are not being paid equal pay for an equal job, this dream woman began to provide me a tirade on how history is completely written by men and that a womans perpective has been totally elimated by the same oppression mentioned previously.

The we went into the deconstruction of words. "History, is just his story. That is after all how the word was made. Otherwise it would be Herstory."

This is absolutely ludicrous. First of all, it is spelled wrong if that was the attempt. wouldn't it be Hisstory? um...NO. This type of thinking is what pushes back the feminist movement and causes people (men and women)  to think that feminist are just a bunch of nutbags in need of "special" attention. One straightjacket for the crazy female in the corner please.

Using this philosophy of break down words, I would like to break down another one... Harmony. The first part of the word is harm which is technically a bad thing. The last part of the word is the British term for money, mony...GO BILLY IDOL!!!! Anyway, with the brain sucking translation of history, this would mean that harmony is the act of harming someone for money, not the pleasing combination of independent elements as a whole.

Anyway, Happy New Year everyone! Welcome to 2010!

So...this is not meant to be discriminatory, it is just a light-hearted observation.  Our landscaping company employs a substancial amount of people from the hispanic background. They often wake us up on Saturday mornings with the sounds of lawn mowers and leaf blowers. Did I mention it is always on a Saturday?

So today, we are officially having a blizzard. At least according to the weather service. To me, it looks like a snowfall, not really a blizzard. Of course, living in Maine and Chicago, I have seen my fair share of snow.

So, the same landscaping company ALSO plows and shovels during the winter season. The individuals of the southern persuation may know how to mows and deal with the summer heat, but they have NO idea how to deal with the white stuff falling from the sky. Driving in it is only a humorous activity in futility. I saw the snow plow running back and forth trying to get off the patch of ice it created.

This brings me to my point, as I mostly have one. You should really have a last name like Andersen, or Borgensen before operating a snow plow.

I sometimes wonder why people do what they do...but that is not unusual. So, I was at work today and the toilet that USUALLY has the blue water in it because I am the first person to use it. I love the feeling of ruining the blue water. It just feels good to sit on a clean toilet.

I digress, so today, I went to the toilet to be totally peaved to see not only was it used but it was one of THOSE guys. You know the guy who walks right by the 3 open clean urinals to a stall so he can pee in the toilet. WHY man WHY? Not only do you walk right past the urinal, but you don't have aim and/or it is shorter than you think! FIrst, lift the damn seat. Second, FLUSH!

Lastly, after you did ALL of that, you don't even stop at the sink to wash up and grab that handle to walk right out of the bathroom. I watch you dude. I damn sure do not want to shake you hand.

So, here is my point (as I almost always have one), dude, grow a pair and act like a man. Stand up to pee. Have a little hygiene.

I hate holidays. There is just too much crap wrapped around holidays. Thanksgiving is one of those holidays... I never really liked it to begin with since it represents the Natives saving the lives of the Pilgrims, whose spawn later murdered what was left after the diseases went through.

Most other holidays are really no better. The expectations surrounding costumes for Halloween, presents for Christmas, sex for Valentine's day (wait...that one isn't so bad). I just think that having plans for a holiday are bound for failure every time. Therefore, I plan to stop all holidays from this point further. Tomorrow, I will be attending a Capitals game downtown. Thursday, I will be eating a turkey sandwich without all of the fixings...because honestly I don't want the entire meal. I really like the turkey sandwich the following day.

Even with the 6 year old, it would be nice if we could cut out Christmas. Not very likely since she has done nothing but want Christmas since December 26th. She has been talking about Santa, Christmas trees, and candy canes. I think sometimes she is the leader of the elves.

I would love to say Christmas is in the tropics. Only those that can buy their way will be permitted to go.

I am sitting here watching the Eagles beat the Bears and a commercial runs repeatedly during the breaks. It is 30 seconds of irrellevance:



So, after watching that, I have to think to myself that maybe I am just too old to get it. That commercial did not make me want to join the group of people already using a Jeep. It didn't make me feel like I need a Jeep because it has something I want. It didn't even make me think at all. Fact is, I feel like I lost 30 seconds of my life waiting to see a drawing of a Jeep on white paper.

What happemed to the Jeep climbing a mountain so someone can take their snowboard back down? What happened to the Jeep commercials showing the evolution and history of the Jeep? Even if you showed me a commercial with a hot chick fawning over the overweight plumber crack guy stepping out of the Jeep with a tool belt on. NOW THAT would be a commercial that would make me consider a Jeep. The plumber picking up the supermodel because he drives a Jeep. Not only do you sell the vehicle, but it is funny.

The supermodel is doing a photo shoot outside on stairs of some historic location and shee stops in her tracks as the brand new Jeep Cherokee pulls up front. A pregnant pause takes place. She is stunned. A balding bearded overweight plumber steps out on the opposite of the Jeep, grabs his tool belt out of the back seat and throws it around his waist as it pulls down on his pants. As his walks up the stairs, the supermodel runs up to him and says " I sure would like to get to know you better. You can pick me up at 7."

Stunned, the plumber walks away with a number in hand. The supermodel looks back at the vehicle. Now THAT'S a Jeep.

I took a few minutes after lunch today to check my Facebook. I found out...my Daughter Shae is married...over 2 weeks ago. I had NO idea. To my dismay, she didn't feel it was important enough to tell us she is married. I bought her dinner last weekend and she didn't tell us she was married.

Yes, she IS 19 and old enough to make her own decisions. She has known the guy for 3 months and much like I did at 19, married quickly. No, she didn't invite us to the JP wedding much like the Queen and I didn't invite the kids. So I guess the logic behind it all...or the reasoning is not far from my own.

However, the Queen and I always thought that we had an open communications with the kids. Something as important as a marraige would be one of those things we would expect to at least be told, not something we find out about on a social networking site with 250 of the closest friends. I guess from this point of view it is much like the Queen not telling HER mother that she married. hmmm...what comes around...

For my daughter, congrats. I am glad you found your one true love. I hope you live and love a long and glorious life together.

Oh...By the way, I have to take you off my health insurance now. Love ya, Dad.